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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IL being a bit mean, or not?

59 replies

Tweet2tweet · 26/02/2014 09:09

To cut a long story short, am popping over to see the IL today. Meant to try for the morning but it's my last week before returning to work so dc1 has a last chance play date. Agreed to come over after, around lunchtime.

They haven't seen us in weeks and have never invited me over for lunch once during mat leave, they live two streets away. When I rearranged I suggested I could bring a packed lunch and they agreed with that. No offer for any lunch etc. I wouldn't expect anything fancy, just a cheese sandwich and maybe tin of soup. I'd even make it myself for us all.

As it stands I'm having to take a huge lunch bag etc. Am I being unreasonable and expecting too much?

OP posts:
nilbyname · 26/02/2014 09:11

But you suggested it?!

MyNameIsKenAdams · 26/02/2014 09:14

I dont think my ILs have ever invited me roubd for lunch?

ShadowOfTheDay · 26/02/2014 09:14

You offered, they agreed.... I see nothing wrong in that...they can't win really...

You offer - they refuse - what if you are fussy about what DC eats?
You offer - they agree - you get huffy?

makes it easy all around - I'm guessing that is why you offered?

HyvaPaiva · 26/02/2014 09:15

I suggested I could bring a packed lunch and they agreed with that. No offer for any lunch

Confused Why would someone offer lunch when you had already suggested bringing your lunch?

cory · 26/02/2014 09:16

When you suggested bringing a lunch, they probably thought there was a reason- that either you or dc don't like their food. Have to admit if somebody suggested that to me, I would be surprised and assume there was some special reason for their suggestion. I'd be shy about suggesting that actually my own lunch would do perfectly well.

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 26/02/2014 09:17

I offered to bring lunch after none was offered. Appreciate everyone's candid comments though, good to get a straightforward respone. Thank you Smile

OP posts:
MyNameIsKenAdams · 26/02/2014 09:18

Maybe they were a bit put out at you inviting yourself at lunchtime - ots rather presumptuous.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/02/2014 09:19

My ILs have never given me a meal in ten years.

You live two streets away, why suggest bringing lunch and complain about carrying it, when surely the logical thing to do would be to go home from play date, have lunch, then go the two streets to ILs?

I find it a bit odd to take lunch two streets away, and to suggest going at lunchtime when you could go 30 minutes later and save yourself the hassle by having lunch at home.

CoolaSchmoola · 26/02/2014 09:22

Maybe they also think it's a bit odd inviting yourself over lunchtime when you are so close to your own house. It does seem a little presumptuous - like you expected them to feed you.

I wouldn't go to my ILs without feeding my dd first.

MairzyDoats · 26/02/2014 09:22

I'd call them, say we're just going to pop home for a quick lunch before coming round as it's much easier. Then see what they say.

MairzyDoats · 26/02/2014 09:23

Agree it's odd that they didn't offer though!

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2014 09:25

If you were there at lunchtime, would they just offer?

I think it's a bit off for them not to, personally.

Abra1d · 26/02/2014 09:29

My in-laws would always offer lunch in such circumstances. As would my parents to their DIL.

Burren · 26/02/2014 09:35

I'm not sure they would specifically offer lunch in the circumstances, though. If the OP said 'Oh, we can't make the morning now, we'll come around lunchtime', that they would feed you might be implicit in the circumstances. But then you jumped in with the lunchbox idea, so they ended up thinking you preferred your own food for some reason...?

Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 26/02/2014 09:37

I can only base my reasons on past experience. When we've been over at lunch times before never been offered, to point where had to leave as kids crying in hunger. Not going home first as dc2 wd go to sleep by time we got over and they'd miss out seeing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tweet2tweet · 26/02/2014 09:39

Actually there was once I was offered a dry cracker with the heel of some mouldy cheese, I am not exaggerating.

OP posts:
Mrswellyboot · 26/02/2014 09:40

I do think it is unkind of them. I think I would say to them that you left something at home so you will be over after lunch as you have a few things to do.

I can't understand a grandparent not offering a meal to their grandchild though in this instance you offered so they might think you have food to use up. Mean though.

SanityClause · 26/02/2014 09:41

I think you're overthinking this, actually.

Does it really deserve all this navel-gazing?

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby · 26/02/2014 09:44

I am going against the grain, I think it is awful!

Who has their daughter in law and grandchild over and doesn't offer them food? At a mealtime?!

Do they have some weird food issues? Do they eat in front of you and not offer you, or just not eat? What happens if you are there for hours?

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby · 26/02/2014 09:45

I cannot imagine having people over and not offering some form of catering.

I genuinely don't know anyone is real life who would do this.

diddl · 26/02/2014 09:46

Invite them to yours for lunch??

My dad tends to just have enough in for himself for the week tbh.

Lunch would be OK, but he'd need advance warning to go out & get something!

diddl · 26/02/2014 09:47

I can't specifically see a problem with them not inviting you for lunch tbh.

If they haven't invited you at all, isn't that the issue?

monkeysox · 26/02/2014 09:49

My ils do this, never offer food. Weirdos

Unexpected · 26/02/2014 09:51

What huge lunch bag? You are bringing a sandwich for you and - how many children? Are you planning on three courses? If lunch requires that much food and preparation, perhaps your ILs don't have extra food in? I know my ILs certainly don't, they tend to have cold meats etc for their needs but if I turned up with two children at short notice, I could easily use up several days worth of lunch things in one sitting.

Burren · 26/02/2014 09:54

Oh, well that's a different situation, if the reason you are bringing your own lunch is because they never offer food when you are there.

It sounds odd. Do they never eat at all when you are in the house?