To have asked this lady if she'd like to join us for a coffee?

[endlesstidying]

Genuinely not sure here. Maybe it was too much too soon, maybe she was just very shy?

DD's school is just next to a park which has a lovely cafe. As it was a nice day, a group of us took our children there after school (all year 3 so 7 and 8 year olds in school uniform if it matters). While we were there one of DD's friends saw a girl who'd just spent the day at the school with them on some kind of induction day as she's starting there at the start of next term. The girl was immediately dragged off to play with dd and friends - all in sight of the cafe leaving her mum alone.

After a brief discussion with other mums I went over and asked new girls mum if she'd like to come and join us for a coffee while the girls playe. She said "no thanks, I'm not a charity case" and stormed off to sit by herself on a bench.

What on earth was that about? We were only trying to be friendly. I've been lucky so far that DD has not needed to change school and that the parents in her year group are generally very friendly so maybe I missed something?

So AIBU to have asked?

Because it was perfectly clear that you'd all taken pity on the poor billy-no-mates......

I think this is probably how she took it, so probably a self-esteem issue on her part. I'd try not to hold it against her though.

I don't think you were unreasonable, my DC started a new school a week after the xmas hols yr 3 & 5, not one single parent has said hello to me yet Everyone used to chat together at their old school yet at the new one they're all stood in little groups..

Nah, it wasn't the 'discussion'...

It was the 3 rounds of rock, Paper, Scissors to find who pulled the short straw.

Like a PP, I also would be wondering what happened at the previous school.

If it had been me who was asked I would not have accepted. The idea of joining a group of, I assume, all SAHM mothers who all knew each other wouldn't have been in the least bit appealing. I wouldn't have said what she said but I wouldn't have been comfortable with or wanted to join you.

Like a PP, I also would be wondering what happened at the previous school

The teacher invited her to parent's evening and she stormed off, shouting "Actually I already have a social life you bastard!"

If it had been me who was asked I would not have accepted. The idea of joining a group of, I assume, all SAHM mothers who all knew each other wouldn't have been in the least bit appealing

But you'll never get to know anyone with that a attitude. They weren't inviting her to a formal dinner party, just a quick coffee while their children played.

If you don't want to join them there's no need to be rude.

Nothing embarrassing about being on your own either.

All the more reason to keep a civil tongue in her head

If only we were all SAHMs Caitlin. We all work albeit we weren't at work at that particular moment. Some of us are part time and some of us work shifts. I can see why you may have thought we were though . Appearances can be deceptive.

Thank you for your views. Sad if she felt patronised, far from our intention.

Lovely gesture op, so ywnbu. But Iam shocked by some of the responses here. There are so many threads her about people having hard times/fleeing abuse/protecting their children/mental health issues, etc. and people being so supportive in those circumstances. And then ..... she is being called all sorts of names because she was a bit rude. Who knows what she is going through - changing schools half way through term might be a clue eh?

I'd give it time, then ask again. I've been known to turn things down Sosa not to seem too needy... Which is silly really

So as, not Sosa!

After a brief discussion with other mums

She saw you all talking about her, giving sidelong glances, weighing her up, deciding if she was worthy of an invite

I've had similar reaction from a new mum at school and evidently it turns out there were mental issues at hand.... I suspected so, as her comments were so rude and inappropriate - the reaction you received is not 'normal' ( its normal to say no thanks, but not normal to be so rude). Go easy on her, don't gossip about her - you don't know her or why she left the last school. I would also suggest keeping a distance but not being frosty IYKWIM. She might be mentally unwell and needs time.

Hissy

Rude, just plain rude. Her, not you. I certainly wouldn't be asking her again.

Very strange behaviour. You would think that for the sake of her DD and future friendships that she would be civil. They are not going to get many invitations for playdates if she goes around snubbing other parents like that.

What she said was a bit rude/odd but have to say I never felt much need to socialise with mothers at my son's school.

I didn't collect him from school, his nanny (as in employed nanny not grandmother)did that. During primary years I went to the occasional end of year/Christine dinner which were ok but to be honest not particularly fun. I met parents at sports days or when he was at friends houses or he had friends at ours but never felt the need to get to know them.

Blimey, wish the mums at my daughter's new school were half as nice as yours OP, would have literally bitten their hands off! I'm sorry but I really don't see how the woman's response could be construed as anything but rude. Sometimes, you have to take things as they are. You don't know her and she didn't know you; you made a friendly gesture and she was very rude back. They say first impressions count, and I believe on this occasion she has shown you exactly what type of person she is as she chose her response. Moving excuses for her is clutching at straws, I think.

Making not moving, stupid Ipad autocorrect is the bane of my life!

renio I know, I was at Christmas dinners not Christine dinners. (Android phone auto correct)