AIBU to say 'No' to visiting child who wants TV on?

[ChocolateWombat]

I have had this a few times. My child has a friend to play after school or in hols. There are lots of toys and other activities to do. Within 10 mins, visiting g child asks for TV on.
We don't have TV on in background. My child has 20 mins of TV after dinner. They tend to sit on the sofa and just watch TV for that slot of time, not play at the same time.
I have told visiting child that is how we do it in our house and they can have some after dinner.

Sometimes children have continued to ask over and over again, despite there being lots of other things to do.

Have also had it if child has come over with parents. Child has asked their parent if they can have TV. Parent has relayed request to me. I have explained how we do it in our house and they can have TV after dinner. Sometimes parent has just accepted it, other times, they have asked on behalf of their child again, or emphasised that in Their house, they always have the TV on.
I don't want to be rude to guests or totally inflexible, so do you think IABU?

I don't mind children watching TV as long as they're actually watching it - I think it can be really stimulating and the basis for great imaginative games.

But I think having it on as semi-permanent background noise and half-watching it and half doing something else is potentially quite damaging to concentration, attention span etc.

My daughter has a friend who as soon as I pick him up from school says "can we use your phone to watch YouTube?" And acts like it am a child abuser for saying no... He came for dinner and was shocked that there was no screen time at dinner and that her grandparents house (where we were) didn't even have a tv.

My own kids watch way too much netflix, but this kid seemed addicted :(

Ginbin54, I can't see any smugness though. I certainly wasn't being smug. All I'm trying to say is that in your house it's your rules.

If it was any other subject apart from TV then I'm sure no one would be arguing about it!

Ds had a boy over from school yesterday for 2 hours.
They spent half an hour drawing and colouring, then they asked for tv. I said maybe later. The rest of the time was spent playing with cars and some loud game that had something to do with ninjas, then they had tea and then the guest asked if they could play on the wii. They did, for the last half hour.
No problems, no one was scarred by me saying no to tv, they found something else to do as judging by the laughs they were having loads of fun. And they did get some wii play, which IMO is fine - just not the whole time!
Everything in moderation, as I say often on mn!

what's not to like? Limited

um, your aggressive rudeness.

OP YANBU. And I think you've been given a ridiculously hard time. I think the word "smug" gets thrown about a lot whenever anyone talks about limiting screen time.

Oh, and for the record... I work in television. I absolutely love some programmes, am indifferent to some, and loathe others. Yes, I do limit/monitor screen time.

I don't think it is the playdate issue that is causing the OP to be questioned (I'd dispute 'hard time' I think) but the 'my child has 20 mins tv' comment which sounds smug, whatever the OPs intention was. It sounds as though she thinks tv is a bad thing at that allowing more than 20 mins after dinner is poor parenting. She also said something about watching a bit of a film which I found odd - what on earth is the point of that? Either watch it or don't!
I think everyone has said YANBU about the playdate, OP - it's other bits of your comments which seem unreasonable. Maybe this wasn't your intention, but it was the effect.

I see what you are saying Cardibach, but I still don't think that the OP was being smug, I think she was just explaining the way that things work in her house. In the same way that some people allow their kids to play with toy guns and some don't. In the case of this thread I think it helped to know that that the OP only allows her DC to have 20 mins of tv a day, and although I and others may find that starnge, I still don't think it was said smugly.

YANBU, don't worry about it OP, your house, your rules. Surely that's the point of playdates, your children get to learn how to accept different situations? You are doing the visiting children a favour by not changing your rules.

We have never had a TV and listen to radio 3. I win smugness