AIBU to say 'No' to visiting child who wants TV on?

[ChocolateWombat]

I have had this a few times. My child has a friend to play after school or in hols. There are lots of toys and other activities to do. Within 10 mins, visiting g child asks for TV on.
We don't have TV on in background. My child has 20 mins of TV after dinner. They tend to sit on the sofa and just watch TV for that slot of time, not play at the same time.
I have told visiting child that is how we do it in our house and they can have some after dinner.

Sometimes children have continued to ask over and over again, despite there being lots of other things to do.

Have also had it if child has come over with parents. Child has asked their parent if they can have TV. Parent has relayed request to me. I have explained how we do it in our house and they can have TV after dinner. Sometimes parent has just accepted it, other times, they have asked on behalf of their child again, or emphasised that in Their house, they always have the TV on.
I don't want to be rude to guests or totally inflexible, so do you think IABU?

As a child I remember hours of boring telly. Life just passing us all by while watching meaningless rubbish. A house of telly addicts. I don't have fond memories of things as you can tell.

Limited - not at all. Just saying that I don't know many children that love tv that are hooked on the news, for example.

Not liking the inverse snobbery about 'mn playdates'.
Who frogmarches? It's just normal for parents to restrict screens I'm afraid, unless they have a child who self limits.

And what's wrong with healthy food fgs? Healthy food can actually be tasty too, you know!

We're you tied to a chair and forced to watch? What was wrong with reading a book or doing something else if you didn't want to watch tv?

Sorry my previous comment was for systemmalfunction. And Cat98, you have to admit that some of the mm playmates do sound particularly joyless affairs.

To the poster upthread, who asked if I like watching TV, the answer is 'yes'. I watch it in a similar way to the way I allow my children to watch it.
In the past, before TV you could record, if there was something Inwanted on at 7.30 I would turn it on at 7.30 and off when that programme finished. Now with a hard drive, I can sit down to watch it when it is convenient, and then turn it off. I never watch TV before the children are in bed, just through habit, that there have never been daytime programmes that interest me. I dont like background noise and live in a very quiet house, so wouldn't keep it own after a programme I deliberately sat down to watch, finished.
Exception to this would be Christmas, when wider family might sit and watch film or Dr Who or whatever.
Not saying what aim doing is better than having it on all the time or more often. It's just what I do. My children enjoy TV. They don't tend to ask for more of it, because in their experience, it's just a thing they have for a short time. I really don't think they feel they are being deprived.

Mn playdates

OP, YANBU. If I have visitors I immediately turn the television off. Unless they've been invited specifically to watch something on it, it stays off. This is because I, like most adults, know it's horribly rude to have the television on when guests visit.

Why on earth would anyone want to teach their children any different?

I'm particularly at the parents who have the poor manners to ask if their children can have the TV on during a visit to friends and then ask again when they don't get the answer they want but I can see where some children get it from!

And I don't think play dates at our house are joyless. When Children come over, I tend to leave them to entertain themselves, which they do happily. They might play on the trampoline, or get lego out or do dressing up or craft, or all of the above. Most children have never mentioned the TV but I have noticed in recent weeks that 2 or 3 have asked (as mentioned in my original post). We have had it on after dinner, as usual, if they have wanted it. I always try to have child friendly food and offer them choices of dessert etc. everyone has been keen to come back and also have my children over to theirs, so really don't think the lack of background TV has ruined it for them.

ChocolateWombat is Dr Who the most highbrow thing you can imagine on the telly?

Limited...pardon me??
Dr Who is the families choice of viewing on Christmas Day. I might watch a variety of differ types of programme. Why do you ask?

Of course I would turn the tv off if we had guests. But when the dc had playdates, they did what they wanted to do, not what I thought they should be doing - that may have been tv or something else, it was their playdate, their choice. Btw, the friends who had restricted tv at home were always the ones who had to be prised away from the telly to come and sit at the table and again at home time. My dc were never particularly bothered whether they watched it or not at friends homes, probably because I wasn't too rigid about it here.

Oh Limited, I've looked back and seen your post a couple of pages back about all the enriching TV you watched. Dr Who certainly doesn't seem to fit with your list.
My original post was about children asking to watch TV on play dates. I think what you are asking or interested in discussing is a different issue about TV.

Back to my original play date issue, the children asking for TV don't have anything specific in mind, just TV generally. I know, because when we have got to the TV time, and I have asked them and offered them a variety of DVDs etc, they just want whatever is on TV at that point.
Moving onto your point about TV having many merits and there being fantastic programmes on, I totally agree. There are a huge range of quality dramas, documentaries, comedies and other things. The TV was the means by which OU students received many lectures. Im sure some children learn everything they know from the library and TV in a Caitlin Moran-esque kind of way. That is fine. As mine get older, I hope they too will choose and benefit in some of the ways you did. They will also be able to decide for themselves when and where they watch TV and have One in Every room of their house, with it on all the time if they wish.

For now though, when small children come to my house, I'm going to stick with what I currently do. And for myself and the children when we are alone, we won't have TV in the background.

I never said everyone should do as I do. I was I tested in if you thought my 'no, not until later' was unreasonable.

Enjoy your TV watching. I'm off to turn mine on shortly for somethig I recorded over the weekend.

Cat98 We are probably singing from the same TV guide.

system if you remember hours of boring telly then you didn't watch the right stuff.

Chocolate Dr Who is indeed common TV entertainment. Many people like it. Just not me. But each to their own.

I've mentioned a wealth of programmes on many channels. However, all you've done is criticised other people's viewing habits.

It's interesting that you've said this: I might watch a variety of differ types of programme

What does that mean? What differ types of programme do you like to watch?

And what other forms of entertainment do you and your children pursue?

YANBU. It's chavvy to leave the TV on all day, anyway. No wonder people who do it are getting so defensive!

YANBU. Seems reasonable if you've got a bit of structure in your household that works then you might maintain that.

Limited, please would you stop implying that the OP is a snob. She's said nothing derogatory about your choices. And that's what they are. Choices. Simple.

Yeah, Cagney and Lacey was really highbrow OP. I used to watch Kojak too.

Anyway, I'm happy with with what I recorded over the weekend. I imagine you are too, though I guess they might be differ types.

Limited, I answered your question honestly. I get the impression that you ask about my viewing habits and the leisure activities of my family, to belittle them. I have no sense that we are 'highbrow' ...whether we are not, is not really relevant to my original question.
There clearly is a typo in my post that you quote. I find the IPad autocorrect often has that effect. I imagine you can work out what I meant.
Having looked back at my earlier posts, I can find nowhere that I have criticised the viewing habits of others. I have said repeatedly that the question is about play dates in my home, not a general principle. Repeatedly I have said that everyone is of course free to watch what they like, when they like, in the way they like. The fact I want to do it differently to some is not a criticism of others.
I hope you continue to enjoy your TV choices. We will continue to enjoy ours.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who replied to my question.
I can see and knew there were a variety of different approaches to TV watching.
Your replies have made me feel I can continue with what I have been doing broadly speaking. Thanks everyone.

OP you have been given a hard time here. You have made it clear you are not judging anyone who does anything differently, and yet people are taking offence. Not nice to read this thread.

OP YANBU. You shouldn't switch the tv on just because a child that is visiting asks for it, if those are not your rules.

I'm not sure why some posters are getting so defensive about this issue. It's not exactly the end of the world for a small child to go to a friend's house and actually play with said friend is it? If they don't like it then they don't have to go again do they? 3, 4, 5 hours without the TV on won't kill them will it?

inabeautifulplace OP and some other people are talking about telly as if it is a dirty word and those of us who watch it are somehow lacking.

I'm giving an alternative view of all the beautiful things it has to bring and how cultured those of us who embrace it are.

What's not to like?

Ilovexmastime - and it's those of us who don't (or didn't)restrict tv who are getting defensive? Sorry, I just find this smug parenting attitude quite ridiculous. Let them play, let them watch telly - it won't make any bloody difference to how they turn out!

OP YANBU. I went to a lovely playdate last week which involved constant background TV and video games, investigating most of the toys in the house, a boisterous game of hide and seek and chatting whilst eating snacks. The same children had a playdate at my house a few weeks earlier which involved no background TV and video games, investigating most of the toys in the house, a boisterous game of hide and seek and chatting whilst eating snacks. If somebody had asked me to switch the TV on at my house I would have said "no, we don't watch TV in this house when people are here to play". If somebody had asked the other mum to switch the TV off at her house, she would have said "no, we like having the TV on in this house". And that's how it should be.