AIBU to say 'No' to visiting child who wants TV on?

[ChocolateWombat]

I have had this a few times. My child has a friend to play after school or in hols. There are lots of toys and other activities to do. Within 10 mins, visiting g child asks for TV on.
We don't have TV on in background. My child has 20 mins of TV after dinner. They tend to sit on the sofa and just watch TV for that slot of time, not play at the same time.
I have told visiting child that is how we do it in our house and they can have some after dinner.

Sometimes children have continued to ask over and over again, despite there being lots of other things to do.

Have also had it if child has come over with parents. Child has asked their parent if they can have TV. Parent has relayed request to me. I have explained how we do it in our house and they can have TV after dinner. Sometimes parent has just accepted it, other times, they have asked on behalf of their child again, or emphasised that in Their house, they always have the TV on.
I don't want to be rude to guests or totally inflexible, so do you think IABU?

mrsJay, I agree it is entertainment. There are many types and when children come to play, I like to offer them a variety of toys, some craft, possibly time in the garden, TV etc .

I don't think limited TV is harmful. There are lots of great programmes for children and they can gain a lot of pleasure from them.
The reason I don't have it on in the background is because in my experience, children don't fully engage with either the TV or the other things they could be doing. They watch a few minutes TV, do 3 minutes lego, watch another 2 mins TV, having already lost the gist of what was going on in the programme, fiddle with something else for a few minutes......I don't suppose this is harmful (although there may be some studies about the effects of this on the later concentration of under 2s) but its just not something I want to encourage.

My child has a friend round, so they can engage in activity together. This maybe playing lego, or make believe, or in the garden, or enjoying TV together. I have just found TV as background often means they dont engage in either the TV or toys together. Once it goes on, my child loses interest in playing, which the other child often wants to do at the same time.

Totally get that different people do differ things regarding TV. I go with what they want in Their house...they think it best. Fine. I have a view on what I think is best (reasons above). Just wasnt sure if I was being inhospitable.

The internet is worse than TV for porn, inappropriate material. But you use it! Selective are you?

I couldn't care less how long the tv is on in my house. I don't care if my children go to someone's house where it was on for the duration of their visit. . But I would be very embarrassed if they visited a house and asked for the tv to be put on so I would say yanbu.

SoleSource, sorry don't quite understand. Yes, I use the Internet...clearly!
I don't look at porn. Even if I did, what does that have to do with children watching TV on play dates? Sorry if I'm being a bit thick and not getting what you mean.

It's up to you but since you ask, yes, you are tediously unreasonable with a hefty side order of snobbery.

Well done you.

I've only had one child request the TV, but I said no, he didn't ask again.
I have allowed them to play on the wii for 20 minutes or so before they get picked up if I see that they are running out of steam.

I get very anxious about playdates, some kids are really easy and play beautifully, others are more hard work and I run out of ideas to suggest (that is when I succumb to the wii)

Limited, I know that if I post on AIBU, some people are likely to say I am. That's fine....I asked because I thought there might be a range of views. If you wanted to expand on your view, I'd be happy to hear your reasoning.

In my opinion YABU.

i dont think YABU OP. stay as you are.

Some people (such as our visitors today) dont actually posses a telly. imagine that! how smug are they? not smug at all in fact.

different folk live differently and i think its good to teach your kids to respect that and, when in other peoples houses, not to pester for the telly to be put on, or for snacks to be handed out, announce petulantly they are bored if they cant do X, Y, or z, or (while we're on the subject) to rifle through drawers and cupboards without asking.

YANBU. Your house your rules.

You'd be undermining yourself with your child. So stick to it.

yanbu in that it's your house and rules.
yabu in that you sound so inflexable and a little bit mean tbh.
I don't see what the big deal is for 20 mins of cbeebies if another child asks - it won't burn their eyes or brains.

It I s very U and smug to boast about your child only having 20 minutes of tv a day what was the point of saying that

How is it "smug"? OP was simply explaining the system in her house.

If a child has come to play with your child, I can see the sense of wanting them to actually play rather than simply stare at the screen. However, if they've accompanied a parent on a visit I would be inclined to more lenient after initial pleasantries and conversation. Adult conversation tends to be intrinsically dull when you're eight.

Actually, when having a play date, the point is that the children interact with each other.

When I have kids around they always find ways of playing together instead of watching TV, and I don't control the TV. In fact it tends to be on most of the time if we are in the living room.

YANBU

If it ever came up (and it hasn't) I would say no too.

I often say no to my own children when they ask to put the TV on.

I HATE having the TV on in the background, it takes over in a really insidious way.

Your home your rules...

I really can't get worked up about a tv being on..

I usually say no telly or computer games for the first half of a playdate, give them a chance to play with the toys/lego and I don't feel bad for saying 'no' if anyone asks, I don't say no, I say 'how about playing XYZ up in your rooms for a while'. If after a couple of hours they are tired, though, I'm all for a nice DVD or watching a bit of telly together, mine curl up with their friends and have a cuddle (my 8 year old does).

I am not sure having 20 min of telly makes children properly watch it, but it can make them obsessed by it. My mum limited TV to one programme a day and I used to spend the whole after school period thinking about and waiting for this event! It hasn't made me less interested in TV and I have it on in the background all the time now, a sub-conscious rebellion perhaps!

YANBU OP.
But I have to say, TV can come in v handy sometimes.
When they're ill/fighting/weather is crap etc.
I always vowed not to let DD watch TV EVER!!
How dumb was that. I think I caved in after a couple of weeks....
DD watches only Cbeebies and CBBC. Lots of educational progs as well as trash.
Whole family watches Horrible Histories.
DD still has just the one head. Does her homework. Studies hard at school.
I think your DCs will be just fine if you relax the rule a bit.

YANBU- I think it's healthy for children to learn that different environments/homes have different rules/routines, good preparation for life.

We have no television at all. We've had a couple of , but no complaints! Everyone's asked to come back at some point!

Perhaps I'm just a slobby mum!

I think I have different ideas of what a play date is about than everyone else! But then we only have about one a month. I am not bothered if visitors eat/ don't eat, or want to watch tv or play computer games the whole time. I would just like them to interact nicely with my dc and have respect for my property and that's it. Maybe I would feel differently if I had someone else's dc over several times a week.

Okay ChocolateWombat, this is my expanded view.

If you don't want to accommodate this child your child will lose out on their friendship. Only you can judge whether that would be good or bad or indifferent.

When our children are young and turn into teenagers, we have to be gatekeepers and it's very difficult.

But it seems a bit sad to me for your child to be denied access to a person he likes whose only sin appears to be watching the telly.

Nearly forty years ago I was vetoed by my best friend's snotty parents on the grounds that I chose doughnuts and coffee for breakfast.

Common, apparently. It was because I loved the TV programme Happy Days. As any teenager would.

Do you want to guess who got the best academic results?

I think you're a bit OTT about the rules for your DC, but YANBU about the visiting children. They are there to play together, not to watch TV. And it's your house, your rules (within reason, which this is). I'm on another thread vehemently defending the value of playing Skylanders or whatever on the Wii during a playdate, but that's for older children (I suspect) and more to the point it's actually playing socially together regardless of the fact that it's on a screen.

peace

Sounds perfect to me.

It's as if people are obsessed with proving what perfect children they have that can play fir hours and eat anything and clear their plates.

Whilst probably desperate for a DVD and some chocolate on the sofa with their friend and a cuddly you.

If you don't want to accommodate this child your child will lose out on their friendship.

That's really not a good message to give our children. That they have to accommodate friends, regardless of their own wants, or they'll lose their friendship.
They will have to feel confident in being who they are and about what they want, without hurting others.