AIBU to say 'No' to visiting child who wants TV on?

[ChocolateWombat]

I have had this a few times. My child has a friend to play after school or in hols. There are lots of toys and other activities to do. Within 10 mins, visiting g child asks for TV on.
We don't have TV on in background. My child has 20 mins of TV after dinner. They tend to sit on the sofa and just watch TV for that slot of time, not play at the same time.
I have told visiting child that is how we do it in our house and they can have some after dinner.

Sometimes children have continued to ask over and over again, despite there being lots of other things to do.

Have also had it if child has come over with parents. Child has asked their parent if they can have TV. Parent has relayed request to me. I have explained how we do it in our house and they can have TV after dinner. Sometimes parent has just accepted it, other times, they have asked on behalf of their child again, or emphasised that in Their house, they always have the TV on.
I don't want to be rude to guests or totally inflexible, so do you think IABU?

Double standards Parakeet. How is it ok to use the telly as a means to facilitate a lie in, but to ration its use the rest of the week. Never rationed telly myself and dc have turned out to be bright, sociable young men. As long as they're watching age appropriate stuff I can't see the point in stressing about it. Choose your battles, as long as they are doing a good range of activities I can't see the point in rationing anything. Children need chill out time too.

I totally agree with ginbin.

I've never rationed tv. My dcs are 9 and 6. We all love tv as a family - mind you, both me and dh both work in TV/film and book industries so maybe we're biased. My dcs are turning out to be incredibly creative and I would say tv feeds that. I read once on man that a mum was horrified that her ds got really 'into' a tv programme and would then spend all his time drawing, building and playing out that programme. What is so wrong with that? My ds lives Dr Who. He's constantly building new spaceships and drawing 'new' dr Who monsters. We're off to the Lobfon Planetarium this Easter so he can learn more about Dr Who's 'Space'. My dd is way ahead in school and is currently obsessed with history from watching Horrible Histories. This has lead her to reading all the books and is now reading Young Sherlock Holmes (yes, because she loves the Victorian Era but also because I suspect she's caught a glimpse or two of Benedict Cumberbatch!)

Roald Dahl predicted in the 70's that all our children would be braindead by now if they even owned a tv. Great writer as he is, I think he got that wrong.

Well since you ask, I feel it's OK for them to have 2-3 hours a day of TV at weekends, precisely because my views are not as extreme as Roald Dahl's.

I don't think TV rots people's brains and I don't think it is harmful per se. It's more a case of what they're not doing because they're too busy watching TV. I'm fairly sure mine read more because of my rule. Any spare moment and they pick up a book - I think if the TV was permanently on that wouldn't happen.

Aside from anything else, I just don't know how they would have time to watch more than one hour a day on week days. They come home from school, we chat and play together for about an hour, then it's homework, tea time, one hour TV then it's bed time. I really wouldn't want to sacrifice that initial after-school catch-up time just so they could watch more TV.

I'm intrigued by the idea of an hour's TV per day. Is that whether you like it or not?

Or are those children allowed to forego say, Monday's crap offerings and save up their hours for a binge on a really good Thursday and Sunday or a mega-binge in a number of weeks' time courtesy of Sky+?

We don't tend to watch live TV, but DVDs or favourites who h are recorded so has Scooby Doo. We don't down hour, but 1 programme, which tends to be 20 to 30 mins. Or they can have about the same time of a film.
Occasionally we have a movie afternoon or eve when we have a whole film, popcorn etc.
So the time isn't the issue so much as its one shortish programme.

And if they are doing something else, and dont want TV then of course it's not compulsory.

I haven't watched Scooby Doo since I was about 10, which was in 1974. I grew out of it, as you would.

I also didn't like the introduction of Scrappy Doo.

I'm not joking. A good programme became bad.

Do you watch TV, OP? Do you get it?

I'm not being arsey. I'm interested. Because I don't understand why you appear to dislike telly and have gathered other followers who I don't get either.

Im with you OP, bit of TV great, hours of it everyday waste of time. So much other things to do in life, childhood is so short.

Not sure about rotting brains, but like them interacting with their friends when they come and play.

I don't like the tv on when ds has friends round. I try and avoid it though if they are getting really antsy I will let them have the wii on for a bit. At least that's interactive.

He has tv on when I am busy at home and need to get stuff done - if he had it on when he had a friend over too it would never be off

Oh and some really bizarre posts here.

• they will lose their friends

Really?! I don't think so and if so the friends aren't particularly nice anyway, are they?

• it's hypocritical to let them have it so parents can have a lie in

Why?! Well rested parents make better parents, surely? A lie in should mean we can be more patient with our kids the rest of the day and fill their day with activities! There's a time and a place for screen time ion and it's not when they have guests (young dc anyway, teenagers are probably a different story!)

I am all for TV and DD (5) certainly watches a hell of a lot. However, when she has a playdate, they are here to play with each other. If TV gets mentioned, I tell them they can watch TV after dinner. Unless they are knackered, they have usually forgotten about it and want to carry on playing.

There is shocking snobbery here and stupidity.

An interest in TV programmes is not incompatible with other interests.

I was a square-eyed child of the '70s. Among my favourite programmes from about five were wildlife documentaries - I longed to be Val Taylor with her floaty long blonde hair and wet suit - cartoons of all types, the Banana Splits, children's programmes such as The Herbs, Mary, Mungo and Midge, Mr Benn, How?, Bagpuss, Pipkins, Dangermouse and Grange Hill.

At the same time I managed to be a bookworm, a competitive swimmer, a middling rider, an absolutely graceless gymnast and talk to my parents.

I also got hooked on the news from an early age - proper news, not Newsround - and I'm now a journalist working in arts and entertainment.

In my mid to late teens I loved things such as Lou Grant, Soap, Cagney and Lacey, the Gentle Touch. Anyone who dismisses telly out of hand, doesn't understand its power of good telly to subvert.

I wouldn't be able to do that without a grounding in popular and highbrow entertainment so I agree with harryhausen (I loved those films too btw) that it can lead to gainful employment.

It used to be BBC2 when I was little. Now I'm very impressed with Sky Arts, BBC4 etc. Do you telly rationers know about that?

That's not too much of a stretch for a child who might like ballet, opera, serious popular music and photography or who want to work on their languages by watching Sky Arts's middle-brow foreign soaps - they've done programmes from Spain, Italy, France and Portugal which are mostly similar to things like Downton Abbey.

However, in the case of Italy's Romanzo Criminale, they were breathtaking in their scope for discussing recent history. Corleone was also good for that, but not quite as good.

Do you know about that?

Neither do I understand the objection to TV as a background noise unless you turn everything off and just listen to traffic noise or birdsong or the neighbours arguing.

Or maybe Radio 3 is acceptable. Do tell.

I work from home and have Sky News on as my background noise. I'll sometimes switch to R4 but they will be news programmes or some comedy shows.

DH watches sports and I have to confess that the constant 'mroww, mroww, mrowwing' of Formula 1 on a Sunday drives me insane. But you know, live and let live.

Slight difference between your experiences limitedperiodonly and the majority of telly addicts, I would think. But I agree tv isn't all bad - everything in moderation. But there's a time and a place imo.
That said, I think the op is nbu particularly as her house, her rules. If she was trying to dictate what happens in different houses (as someone said on a thread here recently I think) it would be v u - live and let live as you say :)

Slight difference between your experiences limitedperiodonly and the majority of telly addicts

Why? I'm talking in the main about freeview TV. Or are you flattering me about my discernment? Because I think that is distasteful.

But yes, OP's house, her rules. Wouldn't be mine.

We watch quite a lot of TV in our house and at the same time are pretty immersed in cultural excursions/reading. I agree with limitedperiodonly & harryhausen that they're not mutually exclusive.

I avoid TV during playdates on the principle that my children, who are not little kids anymore, need to learn to spend time properly with their friends.

YANBU - Your house, your rules.

I didn't have a TV when my child was young. Not because I objected to TV programmes, or TV as babysitter, or the TV as background noise, in fact I am a fan of TV, I just didn't want my child watching adverts. So, in my house, if a child had asked to watch something, I would have put it on, but that was my choice, just as it's your choice to say no.

If it happens again, perhaps check that your child is being a good host and making efforts to keep their guest entertained in other ways. There's no reason at all why you should change your house rules though.

Cat98 - I don't begrudge anyone a lie in! I struggle with the idea of restricting telly except when it suits us, that's all. As a parent of older children I just think that some of you are worrying way too much about how much tv your dcs are watching. Mine watched loads, as did their friends and all of them have done well at uni and are perfectly socially adept. None of them are clinically obese or crack addicts either. Why do some parents have to fill every hour of their dcs day with worthy activities - children need to relax and chill just as we do.

mmm well my 4 watched TV a lot but also played a lot and did a lot of sports. they just did a lot.

2 are teens now and 2 grown up and are functioning adults.

you might find that if you have very rigid rules your children have far more need to kick against them.

the children who watched tons of TV at our house when they cake to tea were the ones who had it banned or rationed at home.

also the ones whose parents banned sweets etc stuffed themselves daft as soon as they were old enough to go to the shops themselves.

I think MN 'playdates' are the stuff of nightmares. Kids being force fed posh sausages and little kids, who are probably knackered and just want to chill fir a bit, being frog marched upstairs and forced to 'play'

I wonder how my intelligent, sociable , well mannered kids ever survived without regular proclamations of 'my house MY rules' when they had friends over.

I think your right monet

You are so right Monet. Btw, I didn't mean it to sound as if watching telly was the only thing my dc did! They did plenty of other stuff e.g. sport, music as well.

hear hear monet after a day at work I want to chill and watch crap in TV.

as a TA in reception class I can tell you children bloody need to chill and switch off. it's non stop at school.

let them relax. watching kids watching and enjoying cartoons together is a great memory.

My children have always had limited tv/screen time. Sometimes we will choose to watch something special as a family and that is extra, but otherwise they have a time limit each day. Having a friend round doesn't change that time limit and I don't see why it should.
When they were smaller I didn't allow them to watch tv at all when they had friends round as it just seemed so unsociable and pointless. Now I give them my children more discretion - but I do try and persuade them that it would be a better use of their screen time to save it until their friend isn't here. They don't always agree as they do now like to play computer games etc together. They are 10 and 11 now.
Of course, if I had a very young visitor who was unhappy and would only be consoled by watching tv then that would be a different situation. I don't think it has ever arisen and certainly isn't relevant at this age!

Thankfully my boys friends don't seem to ask for screen time. If they were having a day long play date, I might consider a film towards the end if they needed to chill.

We also have very little screen time in our house. About 4 or 5 hours a week, less if the weathers good but more if we are ill. We like it that way. My idea of hell would be having non stop telly blathering away in the background. So boring and relentless. When guests arrive at our house things carry on as normal.

Monet, you mean they are force fed normal homemade meals instead of nasty processed kiddie food crap?