To feel upset, judged and embarrassed about incident today

[FeelingEmbarrassed]

Just came home from a walk around town and whilst I was in boots with my 3 month old DD on her pram I bought a few bits. On my way out the security guard stopped me and asked me to come back in to store as he wanted to talk to me. At first I thought it was a con or scam of some sort as I'm a bit wary in weird situations but he had ID so I followed him back in, feeling worried and anxious about what he was going to say. He took me in office and said that he hadn't told manager or called police and did I want to just return the items i had stolen and leave. I was so shocked and being a new mum I'm full of emotion and hormonal so I started to well up and ask what he meant as I hadn't taken anything! He said that he hadn't seen or followed me but a woman reported to him that I'd put something In my baby changing bag under my pram! ( I hadn't at all of course but I did reach down to get my purse out from the bag, the only time I can assume she thought if taken something). I showed him my bag, he also asked me to undo my prams wind shield where my baby was sleeping to see I hadn't put anything there. He was happy I hadn't and he apologised and then I walked out in tears.
I don't know why but I felt judged by woman who was probably just doing what she thought was right thing but as a new mum I feel lacking in confidence about how I look and I felt rough today with poor sleep so that didn't help but I just felt embarrassed and totally upset by it.
Have you ever been accused of stealing and how did you react? Am I being over sensitive or am I right to be upset? Ruined my really good day up until then.
Sorry for long story and rant!

I haven't read all the posts (page 1 only) but actually I am quite pleased a member of the public saw something she thought looked dodgy and reported it (that benefits everyone) and then the security guard took his job seriously enough to stop you and ask. Once you showed clearly that you had indeed not taken anything, you said he then apologised and you left the shop. Well done to both of them.

I can why you felt embarrassed and upset - when you are honest and trustworthy it is very unpleasant to be suspected. Hope you are feeling better now.

tiredandsadmum I suggest you read CailinDana's post which puts quite a different perspective on it;or any of the posts referring to how store guards are meant to do their job;or the several posters who pointed out the member of the public who helpfully pointed this out could simply be setting up a diversion for her accomplices to shop-lift.

This guard failed in every aspect of taking his job seriously. At best he is simply doing his job very badly or at worst what he did is an abuse of a power he doesn't even have. You are being very naive.

I'm actually really angry for you OP!
He was completely out of order and I would be writing to the store manager, head office and I would probably be contacting the police. I don't think that's ott.

I used to work in a large supermarket and when they do their searches/private "interrogations" there has to be at least 2 staff members present including one of the same sex as the suspect. I'm fairly certain this is law, not just store protocol.

I wouldn't give two shiny shits if he was 'following protocol' and if the old bat was just 'doing her bit', I would kick up an almighty fuss, shout from the rooftops, tweet tweet tweet and demand an apology.

Yes shoplifting is a huge problem but you aren't a shoplifter. Security guards should be pretty bloody certain before they starts making accusations.

Make them rue the day OP.

embarrassed an awful experience for you don't feel bad.

On more than one occasion I have purchased goods (clothing) and the checkout assistant hasn't taken the security tag off. Not all items have tags on. Some do, some don't, so they sometimes get missed. I walked out of the store and set the alarm off. The first time it happened I didn't even know it was me, thats how unaware I was!

Another time it happened I didn't even realise until I got home!! Had a handbag with a big plastic tag on the inside. The security guard must have been asleep!

Each time I felt hugely embarrassed and thankfully was able to show my receipt, but it attracts loads of attention and I could see people looking at me as if to say " oo look at that woman, she must be dodgy".

Now I always ask them to check and double- check and keep my receipt in my hand just in case, thats how negative an experience it was.

I was advised (by a solicitor friend) to always insist on the police being called if I was ever stopped in those circumstances. And not to submit to any search until there was a police witness.

Boots in my experience is one of the worst stores for this type of harassment and I'm beginning to wonder if its the training/instructions the security firm they use give their personnel.
I am a black woman and not uncomfortably off so myself and DC when with me are very well dressed. Never stolen anything in my life intentionally (found an M&S cashmere jumper had not been rung through the till once when did mega shop and was going through the receipt for a return about a month later felt like every knock on the door was the local constable after I'd noticed ).
But I am followed, to the point of feeling extremely uncomfortable every time I go to Boots. I've watched the guard following me while the tweenies in the makeup aisle stuff their pockets with eye liners and lip gloss. I don't bother doing Christmas shopping there any more because its embarrassing and unpleasant to have a man on your shoulder. It is because I am black, there can be no other reason. My friends have even commented because it happens when I'm with them and they are quite shocked. I do boycott Boots sporadically but where we live there is not much of a chemist choice. Even the local supermarkets don't do pharmacy yet.
I have complained to manager at local store about 3 times, it usually stops for a while. I have stopped what I'm doing smiled at the guard and asked him sweetly whether he wanted to carry my basket ... When he looks non plussed I say..sorry I thought you were offering a personal shopper service. I've handed my basket in at the till and said I won't be buying from this store and explained the reason. And I've said to a couple of the guards ...Did you know that while you've been trailing me that bloke who's just left the store has half the electrical aisle up his jumper.
I'm in a well paid, senior responsible job. I know I do not look like a shoplifter and I don't go around thinking about being black and bring followed bizarrely every time it happens I'm as shocked and offended as the first tome , it i just don't expect it. But one of the life 'lessons' of being black is to ensure that you don't carry bulky bags shops (lock each purchase in the boot of car, keep receipts on you in case car is stolen) and keep you pram uncluttered so you can see if DC pull something off a shelf because if ever they did and you walked out you're pretty certainly looking at a criminal record no matter what the truth or your past record.
So OP I know how you feel. YANBU to feel saddened and upset. It is very demoralising and humiliating when this happens as other shoppers always notice too.
But look on the bright side.. At least you're not black and it probably won't happen again. Unless you are black too and then ... Hugs and a brew.

When I was 13/14 I was shopping in wh smith (didn't buy anything was too expensive!) once out of the shop I was approached right in the middle of town (actually at the entrance of stationary box) by two policemen who asked me to empty my bags as they knew I had stolen a pencil case. So there was me as a teenager in the middle of town on a Saturday emptying my bags. Of course they didn't find anything. The security guard from wh smith was with the bobbies insistent that I had taken it. I think he actually saw me put my purse back in my bag and assumed I was nicking a pencil case.

As a 13 year old I was soooo embarrassed, remember seeing school friends walking past and staring and now it just makes me angry. Of course I just left town that day mortified but if it had happened to me now I would have kicked off and demanding a proper apology!!! I still remember the bastard security guards face as well...

I must be lucky where I am then.

I do my shopping in Morrisons and because I walk, I put all the heavy stuff at the bottom of the buggy until I get to the till. Then I pull it all out and pay.

No one's ever said anything although they must be used to me by now as a lot of the staff will chat to my dc or watch them while I dash around the shop trying to work out where the baby threw his dummy this time.

Op you're probably feeling fragile and tired and yes it would be embarrassing but don't let it get to you too much.

If he really thought you were a thief he would have called the police. He was a power-crazed little arsehole and a bullying twat. YANBU.

I would complain to the highest office in their empire and publicise widely.

I was followed around M&S last christmas , it was very early and i looked like death . I have never ever ever shoplifted so much as a penny chew and am a store card holder . But once i caught sight of myself in a mirror , tbh i would of followed me
You didn't do anything wrong OP , your name isnt going to appear in court round up is it . I imagine in a few more weeks you will be able to retell the story as an amusing anecdote .

The security guard was just doing is job. He wasn't out of order and why is anyone suggesting involving the police? Seriously?

The woman thought she saw something, it was a mistake, he apologised. Move on.

He had no evidence - the op is entitled to compensation if she wishes to pursue the matter. She's likely to receive several thousand £ if she takes it as far as court. The shop will settle out of court for less than that.

Wow , forty , really ? compensation for what exactly ? i thought you could only get compensation for loss of earnings or money or some such in this country , not for being embarrassed ?

No you can get compensation for fear, distress, embarrassment etc under circumstances like this. You don't need to suffer a material loss.

look at the op 'worried...anxious..embarrassed...upset...I walked out in tears'.

There is clear psychological distress as a result of an incident totally based on hearsay not evidence.

I had an alarm go off when I entered Harrods once. They searched the pushchair and couldn't find anything that would be causing it and let me in. When we left again, the alarm went off again and a guard stopped me and said he would need to search us. I told him he did not need to and explained what had happened and suggested he called his colleague for confirmation. He refused and said if I did not comply he would have no choice but to call the police. I told him to go ahead, and that I would be walking slowly up the road if they wanted to catch us up. I said that if he wanted no make a scene by attempting to stop me, two toddlers and a pensioner leaving the store he was welcome to try, but I would not be staying willingly. He gave up at that point. I did look back a few times as I walked up the road though!

sidebyside Your post made me very sad. As Oprah discovered doesn't matter how much success you have someone will make assumptions about you.

I had this in tesco once. We bought some (branded) nappies from boots & they were under the buggy in the basket. As we were leaving a security tag on them set off Tesco's security system, so we walked back in & the guard came over. As we were trying to figure out what it was (didn't realise boots had a tag on their stuff, so didn't automatically think of the nappies) he was pushing pram backwards & forwards through the sensor very abruptly, (as if to prove that something was setting it off & that something was on our pram, thing is, we didn't doubt that for a second!) She was only a few weeks old, a tiny 4lb premmie & I shouted at him to stop it & shoved him away from the pram. He did.

He theorised that it was the nappies at this point, so dh looked for the receipt.

Dh found the receipt & I literally shoved it in his face (only hostile because of the way he had treated dd in her pram) and told him that he should know his job a bit better as Tesco do not (or did not at the time) have alarm tags on any of the nappies they sold. I even ran & grabbed a bag to prove it.

He looked very red faced at this. I wouldn't have minded being asked, politely what I thought it may have been, and was happy to get to the bottom of it. But the moment he started to swing my daughter's pram through that sensor, my protective streak kicked in BIG TIME.

But yes, op it is humiliating! I hope you feel better soon!

Well forty , i stand corrected . I am still not sure that what the OP experienced, amounts to pyschological distress , but you seemed to be better versed on all things legal , so i shall accept that it is .

I would assume the woman who reported you was using you as cover to distract the guard from whatever she was up to - guard needs more training I suspect

Definitely my first thoughts.

I am followed around virtually every store I go in. I have never stolen anything in my life. I must have one of those faces. After the last time a security guard asked me to show him what was in my bag I actually found he could not do this without a police presence and then once the police came I could sue for £1000's.

Roll on the next time.

I am so angry on your behalf, I actually think there was something more sinister on this guys mind. I personally would not give a flying f**k that he apologised. I would be wanting his job as he clearly is either completely incompetent or after something else. I doubt whether there was a random woman telling him you had stolen something. I actually think he was trying it on and if he had found something god knows what he would have done. I think you had a lucky escape. Report him and call the police. He has to be stopped.

I used to work in retail in central London. People often came into the store and set off the alarms. Our first question was always 'Have you bought something from Boots?', as their security systems were similar to ours and they were always very slapdash about their security.

I only ever worked with very good, professional store detectives who would only stop someone if they had actually seen them take something. If it was a woman, they would only interview her with a female manager present. They would stop them after they left the store and they would call the police.

People who are saying that the store detective was only doing his job are wrong. Their job is not to stop people based on hearsay. Their job is not to take a woman into a room without an escort.

(I believe that one reason why these store detectives were so concerned with doing things entirely by the book was that they were all youngish patois-speaking Jamaican men, who would get profiled and stopped for 'driving/shopping/existing while black' in their day-to-day lives)

I posted yesterday to ask whether you'd been physically touched (you hadn't thankfully) and I think CailinDana has expressed exactly what was on my mind.

Security guards have to be SIA regulated and trained. Enough people with experience have posted the protocol for stopping someone - this clearly wasn't followed. There is no evidence that the woman who reported you existed. You were detained alone - again against normal guidelines. You were told after this man had isolated you in the office that no one else knew you were there, and he said he'd be nice to you if you admitted guilt.

He's either a power-tripper and he's done this before, and/or he's caught shoplifters before and has created a situation where he can extract 'favours' in return for letting them off.

I'd ring 101 to discuss.

I had an incident in boots with a member of staff. I was in the small baby section and managed in my sleep deprived state to knock the whole shelving off balance and was trying to hold it all up when the wifie from perfume went past and ignored me asking for help and instead got the manager cos "she's thieving!" When the manager realised what was going on he helped me sort the situation and the perfume assistant kept saying check her pram, check her pram. I did lift my dd out the pram and let him look but he knew I'd not done anything.

She still works there and I can't bring myself to be civil to her as she thought she'd caught a shop lifter and was quite disappointed that actually she hadn't.