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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset, judged and embarrassed about incident today

135 replies

FeelingEmbarrassed · 22/02/2014 14:27

Just came home from a walk around town and whilst I was in boots with my 3 month old DD on her pram I bought a few bits. On my way out the security guard stopped me and asked me to come back in to store as he wanted to talk to me. At first I thought it was a con or scam of some sort as I'm a bit wary in weird situations but he had ID so I followed him back in, feeling worried and anxious about what he was going to say. He took me in office and said that he hadn't told manager or called police and did I want to just return the items i had stolen and leave. I was so shocked and being a new mum I'm full of emotion and hormonal so I started to well up and ask what he meant as I hadn't taken anything! He said that he hadn't seen or followed me but a woman reported to him that I'd put something In my baby changing bag under my pram! ( I hadn't at all of course but I did reach down to get my purse out from the bag, the only time I can assume she thought if taken something). I showed him my bag, he also asked me to undo my prams wind shield where my baby was sleeping to see I hadn't put anything there. He was happy I hadn't and he apologised and then I walked out in tears.
I don't know why but I felt judged by woman who was probably just doing what she thought was right thing but as a new mum I feel lacking in confidence about how I look and I felt rough today with poor sleep so that didn't help but I just felt embarrassed and totally upset by it.
Have you ever been accused of stealing and how did you react? Am I being over sensitive or am I right to be upset? Ruined my really good day up until then.
Sorry for long story and rant!

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 22/02/2014 16:01

If OP was Muslim this would be a serious thing for her...even a non Muslim woman would be "at risk" in this situation. This is why female police officers are always on hand in arrests of women.

DomesticSlobbess · 22/02/2014 16:09

You should complain OP.

The security guard had no proof other than a witness who was completely wrong anyway. He went on the assumption that you had definitely stolen the item.

I was once in the local newsagents with DP. I was wearing one of his hoodies and I put my hands in the pockets. A woman (customer) stood staring at me and blocked us getting passed. I can't remember now who spoke to who first but she said, "I was just wondering what you'd put in your pockets"

My face was Shock I pulled my hands out and made it clear there was nothing in there. She looked sheepish and said, "Well I thought I saw you steal something"

DP told her to mind her business.

Original poster
FeelingEmbarrassed · 22/02/2014 16:12

W

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingEmbarrassed · 22/02/2014 16:17

Stupid phone posted early!
Wow so many responses, thank you.
I wasn't touched by him or anything and he wasn't even I'm uniform so I think on a break or something?? He said he couldn't search me but if I wanted to show my bag etc then I could. He then said he believed me. I was so upset and had to walk home all red faced and embarrassed. I'm upset with security and also the woman who accused me via him of stealing!
Anyway I will write a letter to the manager as I want to take an action and then forget about it. Also I would rant on twitter but they don't appear to have a twitter account and I only have 10 followers!

OP posts:
nennypops · 22/02/2014 16:41

I once read a (fictional) book where one of the characters operated this as a scam: he would buy an item in one shop, then go and put it on a display of similar items in another shop and hang around looking shifty till he clocked the store detective, then put the item into his pocket and walk out. When the detective arrested him, he would allow himself to be walked back through the shop loudly proclaiming his name and occupation and saying what a disgrace it all was. When the detective discovered the receipt, he would point out that the whole episode had done him immeasurable damage and negotiate substantial compensation.

Not advocating that anyone should try that, of course, but when a detective is as slapdash as this one seems to have been, maybe they deserve it.

A friend of mine who is Asian noticed the store detective following her around a shop the other day. She was so pissed off at his blatant assumption that people of her race must be thieves that she didn't bother to point out to him the genuine thief that she spotted.

AwfulMaureen · 22/02/2014 16:44

Op you need to tell the store you're not happy. a non uniformed "security" person could have been ANYONE and to be frank you were foolish to go with him.

Caitlin17 · 22/02/2014 16:48

AwfulMaureen she was unjustly detained. I'd be very surprised if the shop didn't have guide lines on how to deal with this, including making sure the suspect is not alone with the store guard.

I'd also expect that all incidents are logged.

frogslegs35 · 22/02/2014 16:49

Seems like the guard well and truly jumped the gun and wtf was the customer thinking - it's not her job.
I don't blame you for feeling shocked and upset but try to let it go and not worry too much about it.
Do complain though, it might stop the security people taking the word of bloody do gooders and follow the correct procedures when they think someone has shoplifted.

Caitlin17 · 22/02/2014 16:51

OP, not twitter or anything but a letter preferably typed to the store manager setting out what happened, make it calm and factual.

Janorisa · 22/02/2014 17:03

I was followed round Aldi last week by the security guard. Every time I looked up he was there, hovering just a few feet away. It really bothered me. I must have a suspicious face as it happens quite a lot in other shops too...

letitallgo · 22/02/2014 17:08

This happened to me as a teenager. It was so humiliating.

Consequently even now at 30 I never put my hands in my bag/pockets in shops and rarely go in shops for a browse.

It didn't help that my dad's friend saw it happen, phoned him and I got a slap when I got home and told there's no smoke without fire and that I MUST have been doing something

DingbatsFur · 22/02/2014 17:13

Write to the shop and tell then you are upset. Boots wants to keep new parents happy! I know how you feel though. When I was a student I was asked to empty my pockets in a shop by security while in the company of my then boyfriend and his mother. I was mortified. I had of course stolen nothing. We took legal advice and got a solicitor to write to the shop who were @rseholes and didn't apologise. The solicitor said we could have sued them, but we were too poor. I felt completely horrible for months and after 15 years I would not give that shop my money.
Don't let it knock your confidence. You did nothing wrong!

fluffiphlox · 22/02/2014 17:16

Complain to Boots in writing. The security guard shouldn't take the word of a customer. They're in the wrong.

DingbatsFur · 22/02/2014 17:21

I believe you can't be accused of theft unless you formally leave the shop.

lazarusb · 22/02/2014 17:29

nenny My h has long hair and he has been very obviously by security guards. He's the most honest person I know and finds it really insulting. I hope your friend doesn't feel it's just her - it isn't!

I agree OP, don't do the Twitter thing but do write a letter to Boots.

Sourpickles · 22/02/2014 17:36

when my dd was 5 odd mo. A security guard stopped us on our way out of a large supermarket and insisted I strip my dd of her blankets because someone had reported us for the same reason. I was so stunned I did. Then I was fucking fuming when I realized that actually, it was the middle of winter, id stolen nothing ans he'd done it outside in front of half the village.

Their customer complaints got more than an earful.

babyicebean · 22/02/2014 17:39

I haven't but my 6 year old was. Her dad had taken the two others to Next and we were buying a iPad cover and would catch them up, she was carrying the bag with the cover in it when the alarms went off in next as we walked into the store. The woman assistant manager pounced on us as the alarms were going off. DD went through the doors again and they went off. She had a go at DD accusing her of picking something up and walking out of the store, when pointed out that we had walked into the store not out she then turned on me to accuse me of the same. She kept on and on about how it must have been my daughter as she was seen picking stuff up. I did think OH was going to blow a gasket but was more concerned that DD was hysterical, white, shaking, sobbing as she had been accused of theft. Eventually the store manager came over to see what was going on and I gave him my bags to check through. It eventually was traced to the cover I had bought elsewhere. The manager was very apologetic as to the actions of the ASM but she didn't seem to feel that it could have been handled any other way as 'there have been a spate of thieves lately'

I emailed NEXT to suggest that she may need a refresher in customer relations as having a six year old left in that state I felt was unacceptable.

Thymeout · 22/02/2014 17:50

Not to excuse the security guard if he did not follow protocol, but I think Boot's do have a particular problem with shoplifters who use babies and buggies as cover. Pp's have mentioned other incidents in the store and I overheard a conversation at a busstop between two young women with buggies who were talking about how one of them could not go into the store because she'd previously been caught there. They were on their way to another shopping centre to try their luck there.

It's tough on the innocent young mother, but I don't think the ordinary customer realises how serious a problem shoplifting is for the retail trade.

FamiliesShareGerms · 22/02/2014 17:51

The security guard appears to have acted completely unprofessionally, both in taking someone else's word for it and also by offering to sort it all out without telling the manager (surely not the guard's decision to make?). Complain, complain, complain.

I was once accused of stealing a pack of Jaffa cakes in Aldi: DS was in the trolley and making a huge fuss in the till queue so I gave him a couple to keep him quiet while I dealt with the manic packing operation they favour. The guard stopped me after and said I hadn't paid for the Jaffa cakes and I had to accompany him to the office to await the police. At the time I took great delight in (loudly) showing him the receipt where I'd specifically made sure they had been taken. Then I got into the car and burst into tears! I'm such a goody-two-shoes I'd never steal!!!

Lunaballoon · 22/02/2014 18:01

I would definitely kick up a fuss about the guard. He took you into his office and alleged you had stolen goods with no evidence whatsoever - apart from what some random woman thinks she might have seen. I would be looking for a serious apology.

Caitlin17 · 22/02/2014 18:04

If Boots has a particular problem with shop lifters using buggies as decoys the guard should have been keeping an eye out for such customers. He said he didn't see the OP take anything,he had no right to stop her at all.

Actually the bit about telling the OP he had not called the manager or the police before he'd done anything to check there was nothing stolen is a power -trip. A female manager should have been there from the outset and the police would only be called if anything had been found and it would have been manager's decision how to proceed,not the guard's.

What if OP had actually stolen something ? Would he have let her off if she would do him a "favour"?

PicaK · 22/02/2014 18:52

No yanbu - i'd be upset and shaky too. And that's fully rested and having a great day. I'd have been hysterically upset in the early baby days.

That's not to say I don't think the store had the right to check. But I completely understand where you're coming from.

I don't think you'll get an apology or financial retribution but (and this may seem a bit pathetic I know) I do think that in life when you're dealt a bad card it means the next card is going to be better. Hard to see the bigger picture when you're so tired but I really hope you have something nice happen soon.

mummytowillow · 22/02/2014 19:08

I work for a massive retailer and that is classed as a wrongful stop.

The Security Guard has to see you select, conceal and leave with the item. He cannot take a third parties word for it.

An apology is lame, I give out large amounts of goodwill for this.

You should email head office and make a formal complaint. You should be invited back into store for an apology from the store manager. If not say you will consult a solicitor.

Sorry this happened but don't let them fob you off.

serenshiningstar · 22/02/2014 19:15

Blimey - if all this is true its no wonder people get away with shoplifting.

mummytowillow · 22/02/2014 19:21

PM me if you want me to help you. I'm outraged for you Angry

They also can't make you open bags etc that's a job for the police.