To feel upset, judged and embarrassed about incident today

[FeelingEmbarrassed]

Just came home from a walk around town and whilst I was in boots with my 3 month old DD on her pram I bought a few bits. On my way out the security guard stopped me and asked me to come back in to store as he wanted to talk to me. At first I thought it was a con or scam of some sort as I'm a bit wary in weird situations but he had ID so I followed him back in, feeling worried and anxious about what he was going to say. He took me in office and said that he hadn't told manager or called police and did I want to just return the items i had stolen and leave. I was so shocked and being a new mum I'm full of emotion and hormonal so I started to well up and ask what he meant as I hadn't taken anything! He said that he hadn't seen or followed me but a woman reported to him that I'd put something In my baby changing bag under my pram! ( I hadn't at all of course but I did reach down to get my purse out from the bag, the only time I can assume she thought if taken something). I showed him my bag, he also asked me to undo my prams wind shield where my baby was sleeping to see I hadn't put anything there. He was happy I hadn't and he apologised and then I walked out in tears.
I don't know why but I felt judged by woman who was probably just doing what she thought was right thing but as a new mum I feel lacking in confidence about how I look and I felt rough today with poor sleep so that didn't help but I just felt embarrassed and totally upset by it.
Have you ever been accused of stealing and how did you react? Am I being over sensitive or am I right to be upset? Ruined my really good day up until then.
Sorry for long story and rant!

Oh, what a nasty experience, OP. Hope you're feeling better now. Reminds me of years ago, when I bought a very nice bag in Sogo, the Japanese store near Piccadilly Circus (now long gone).

The assistant opened it, removed a security whatsit inside, then carefull wrapped it for me. As I walked out, the alarm went, and a huge security man GRABBED me by the arm and hauled me back into the store ... as I was turnng to go back in anyway! I showed him, and the assistant, the receipt just issued to me. The bag was undone and ... in the bottom, underneath the balled up tissue paper inside the bag, was another security tag! Assistant was mortified, security man didn't seem to care and I was bloody livid.

At home, I fired off a fax to the store, followed with a telephone call. Within half an hour, a courier arrived with the huge box of chocolates from Sogo! But I felt shaky for ages after and never went in there again.

As for Boots, some items (mainly cosmetics) have to be scanned to 'de-security' tag them, and three times now assistant has forgotten to do that. I always walk straight back in and show item, receipt, and make them scan it again. I complained after second time to Boots head office, but it still happens.

Complain complain complain

That guard had no right to stop you!

I would be writing an email to the shop, telling them of the utter humiliation and asking for compensation.

Thank you all so much for your support, I do feel better now and after reading everything you all say. The more I think about it the more angry I feel as you are all right, he shouldn't pull me up on hearsay. mummytowillow thank you for your offer to help, should I actually ask for some sort of compensation? I don't want to complain purely for that but if you think it is only fair then I should I think? In a complaint letter do I just state what happened and then the outcome I want? Never written a complaint letter before so not sure of the right way to do it.

Also he stopped me just outside shop doors to those asking if I was in shop or not

Totally out of order. Write a strongly worded complaint to head office.

Great advice from mummytowillow

I was stopped in Morrisons - I asked why and the security guard said I was too smart for Morrisons and didn't fit in

As for Boots falling victim to shoplifters with buggies - they make a tonne of cash from women with buggies too.

You could be cheeky and make them aware of the thread? I think you might get some compensation ....

Ive noticed security guards tend to follow people with prams.They think you will hide things under your child and then they wont be able to search for the items.
I have seen shoplifters commit the dispicable act of giving the things they want to steal to their child to carry outside.Why?Because the guard cant apprehend a minor.

YANBU

Please email the head office and complain. If he hadn't seen you with his own eyes/security camera, he shouldn't have confronted you. He knew this when he told you he hadn't spoken to the manager/police.

Take care and don't be too hard on yourself.

Hi if I was you I would be contacting a solicitor this is called false arrest and you will get a substantial amount if you take them to court. Also there should have been a female present with you as a witness for you.
I would certainly not let this go he should never even approached you on the say so of someone else. If a security guard is going to stop you he needs to have seen you take something and then have his eyes on you the whole time till you leave the shop.
I would not let this go. They have taken your character and an apology and a few boots vouchers will not really give that back to you.
Hope that helps

I was in M&S once and headed up in the lift with dd in her buggy. Just as the doors were about to close, a couple of security guards got in with two young women they had seemingly caught shoplifting. When the doors opened on the next floor, we all got out and there was a member of M&S staff there, I think to escort them to the office. I turned and wandered off to carry on with my shopping, but the member of staff came running after me, telling me the office was this way. She had assumed I was one of the 'gang' - I was terrified and embarrassed in equal measures so YADNBU.

I got pulled over as I left the supermarket a few weeks ago because I had a trolley full but nothing was bagged. This is because I put stuff direct from the trolley into folding plastic crates in the car to save bags.
I was instantly able to produce the receipt so it was momentary only but it was very very embarrassing. I sympathise with you. I now walk out with the receipt lying on top of everything or dangling from my mouth! Mortifying!

In the olden days when us old gimmers wrote cheques in supermarket I had a cashier refuse to believe my signature was genuine. It took a long public interrogation for her to accept it. It was irritating but I wouldn't have dreamt of getting irate, writing letters or FFS getting solicitors involved.

I wouldn't ask for compensation.

How absolutely awful OP, I'd have been distraught at having to justify myself because of the 'evidence' of some passer-by. SauceForTheGander has it exactly right! Boots make a bloody fortune out of people with prams and pushchairs, they claim to be supportive of parents yet an innocent person who is shopping alone with a baby can be taken to one side on the basis that someone thought they saw something. I can't even consider how many times I'm in and out of the baby bag in shops, I keep everything in there that I would keep in my handbag plus everything for my baby.

I completely understand that prams and pushchairs may be used to shoplift, but seeing as the security guard didn't see anything himself and that the alarms didn't sound this was completely unjustified. Please write and complain about this, it's disgusting behaviour and that security guard needs to know that it is not acceptable before he does the same thing again.

Don't feel embarrassed, you haven't done anything wrong, turn the embarrassment into something more constructive. I remember how anxious I was about everything when I had my baby, that would have probably made me too anxious to go out by myself again for a very long time. I hope you get a huge apology from Boots.

Youaretalkingrubbish It's not the same at all. The guard didn't see the OP taking anything ,seems to have ignored all guide lines and gone off on a little power trip of his own with all that guff about not getting his manager or the police involved. Of course a manager should have been involved.

I don't believe for one minute he was complying with company policy to request a customer to go into an office with him on her own. The poster who mentioned M&S procedure was spot on.

It's an old cliché but how would you feel if your teenager daughter, who'd done nothing wrong (or for that matter even if she had) were put through this?

Pansonfire I expect Boots would be shocked to hearabout this incident.

You need to report this to Boots Head Office. I would be concerned about the behaviour of this security guard. Basically an male store detective, not a uniformed guard, took you and your baby into an office, with no other members of staff present. and accused you of shoplifting. He admitted he hadn't seen this, but said another customer had told him. And he told you that he wouldn't take any action if you handed the goods over.

Although I don't know specifically what Boots policies on dealing with suspected shoplifting are, most of this is completely against all the policies of the major stores. They wouldn't take you into an office without someone else present, wouldn't stop you without evidence and wouldn't normally say to just handover the items and then you could leave.

Did you give him your name and address?

Applauds pansonfire

Let's hear it for mums shopping with buggies and not being confused with shoplifters!

I feel like making a special trip to Boots tomorrow just to wander around looking shifty.

I'm up for that I've been drinking and would sign up to anything

I would personally report this guy to the store and consider going to the police. Some guy with no uniform took you into a back room of Boots using some bullshit about a mystery customer blabbing on you, deliberatley cut you off from the other staff by saying he was doing you a favour by not getting them involved then intimidated and embarrassed you, a vulnerable woman with a young baby, with no witnesses or evidence. It sounds to me like he gets off on wielding power over women in a weak position by pushing them around then playing 'good cop' and making it seem like he's being kind and "letting them off." Shudder.

I would at the very least expect him to be fired. He didn't follow one single solitary bit of basic protocol and in fact skirted on the edge of committing an offence on store property. I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't the first woman he's done this to.

Naw, I'd be upset about that too - hormonal or not! Don't think there's any point in making a fuss to the store though, just put it down to life experience and move on! These things happen, and not pleasant at all - I'm sure the security guard felt a bit guilty for searching you pointlessly too!
big hugs

I set off the alarm in WHSmiths once - to this day I don't know why. My beef was that security guard checked my bag right in the middle of the shop in full view of passing customers who were all agog! Wouldn't have minded so much if he'd asked me to go with him to somewhere more discreet. Of course I had a receipt for everything!

Litleen no it's not just one of life's experiences unless you are happy that male harassment is just one of life's experiences, because that is what it was. CailinDana's post is spot on.

I'm sure most of us have had the experience of the tag the assistant missed setting off the alarm. That is just something that happens and no one would make a fuss about it. (One that happens quite often is the silly metallic strip you get on the back of CDs which I've noticed when buying a CD in HMV will be fine leaving their shop but it will set off alarms in other shops. The last time that happened to me the nice security person in M&S who knew exactly what it was cut off the metallic strip for me)