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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take dd out of school to attend my graduation?

77 replies

AmigoShamigo · 21/02/2014 08:27

Dd is in year 1. Attending university has been difficult for me/us - I started soon after her father and I split up and while we were living in a hostel. We had 12 hour days including travelling when she was three and she was fantastic. I then had to learn to drive in time for her starting school and she's been really helpful and encouraging of my work. I'm the first person in my family to go to university and I'm hoping to get a first.

The ceremony is only 1.5 hours long and dd is patient, my dp would be there to sit with her when I'm on stage. She said she'd 'like to be there to celebrate my achievements because I always go to celebrate hers' Smile Obviously I'd apply for an authorised absence from school and it's towards the end of the summer term so hopefully would be granted. I told exH my plans and he has decided he strongly opposes dd missing school for it and will be contacting the school Hmm Aibu in wanting to take dd out of school for my graduation?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/02/2014 08:29

To be honest I wouldn't simply because even for adults graduation ceremonies are long and boring. Other than the few seconds someone you know is on stage there is nothing exciting.

Personally I would plan a fun day out at the weekend to celebrate instead.

TeamEdward · 21/02/2014 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 21/02/2014 08:31

Totally agree with Sirzy - graduation ceremonies are incredibly dull and boring, I didn't even bother to go to my own. Much better to have a celebration at the weekend.

Congratulations to you though, a wonderful achivement.

uc · 21/02/2014 08:31

No, I don't think that would BU at all. She will remember it, and it will encourage her when she is older to try and achieve like you have. I would take her. Definitely, whether you get authorisation or not.

bakeroony · 21/02/2014 08:32

They are among the most boring ceremonies it's possible to attend.

I got bored during my own!

thegreylady · 21/02/2014 08:33

Talk to the HT about it and see if it can be booked as an authorised absence. Don't mention it to your ex again.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 21/02/2014 08:33

I think you should do something else to celebrate with her. Graduation ceremonies really aren't the place for young children - they're long and boring and she'll see you for all of thirty seconds as you cross the stage.

The rest of the time she'll be sat listening to various people blather on, she'll have to sit in silence and she'll probably be the only small child there. I know you want her there but I don't really think it's appropriate. It's a very "adult" environment.

I think you should take her out the weekend after and you can do something special with her to celebrate.

BeckAndCall · 21/02/2014 08:33

I would definitely take her - providing you think she can cope with the sitting still.

It's not just the ceremony that is the experience - it's the putting on the gown, the milling around, the photos, the tea party after - all that sort of thing.

Tell your ex to take a running jump - your DD was there for you through the whole process and he wasn't so his opinion doesn't count.

BakeOff · 21/02/2014 08:35

I expect your ExH is saying that so he doesn't get fined.

I think your daughter sounds wonderful and YANBU to want to take her, but I agree with pp that graduation ceremonies are extremely dull even for adults so I'd find some other way of celebrating if I were you.

Felix90 · 21/02/2014 08:35

I see why you'd like to take her but seriously, they are so boring. I went to my Mums graduation when I was the same age as your DD and I remember being bored stiff. It's one of my earliest memories actually! If you do take her, make sure she has plenty of books etc to entertain herself.

Well done by the way!

Bunbaker · 21/02/2014 08:36

They are very long and boring. I don't think that she will get anything out of it. I have endured sat through three graduation ceremonies and have never seen any young children there.

All they do is read through a list of people who then take it in turn to go up to the stage to receive their certificates. If you daughter is only in year one she might be disruptive because she is so bored.

And I doubt very much the absence will be authorised.

sashh · 21/02/2014 08:37

Take her.

The highlight of one of my graduations was a small child shouting, 'That's my mummy' as his mum stepped on to stage.

And well done.

8thplace · 21/02/2014 08:39

I wouldn't take a small child to a graduation ceremony myself.

Selks · 21/02/2014 08:40

If you think she can cope with the sitting around do take her. I took my children to mine and it made a big impression on them. I think it's a positive thing for children to see. Congratulations, by the way! Well done.

Bunbaker · 21/02/2014 08:41

"The highlight of one of my graduations was a small child shouting, 'That's my mummy' as his mum stepped on to stage."

Actually that is one good reason to take her. That is lovely.

Casperthefriendlyspook · 21/02/2014 08:41

Before you get into a fight with the School/ex, please check with the Uni that she'd be allowed to attend. The Uni I work for is very strict about no under 8s....

chipsandpeas · 21/02/2014 08:43

i was bored at my graduation ceremony so think a child would be bored

LouSend · 21/02/2014 08:43

I think graduating as a mature student and as a parent is a huge achievement and one you should be very proud of.

It's a great example for your dd and as your nearest and dearest of course you want her there, and vice versa.

Could you chat with the HT and get his/her opinion?

Would you be prepared to pay your ex's share of the fine in addition to your own if the school didn't authorise the absence?

Dharmalovesdraco · 21/02/2014 08:45

I took mine who were 8 & 10, there were quite a few younger kids too, nor was it massively long (or maybe it was but didn't feel like it) The thing for us was that they had seen me work so hard to achieve my degree, and had daddy only weekends so I could study that they wanted to part of the final process. My degree was through the OU and family were specifically mentioned and thanked too which was lovely.

Anyway I would take her, you're showing her that years of hard work and sacrifice is worth it :)

DevonFolk · 21/02/2014 08:47

I think it's lovely that you want to take her and, even more so, that she wants to go to celebrate something that you've worked so hard for. She's clearly been a huge support to you through all this so it makes sense.

However, what PPs have said about the ceremony being long and dull is true. If you both decide she'll be ok sitting there with a sticker book or something then I'd go for it. Your ex can bugger off. He's being a miserable grump.

Original poster
AmigoShamigo · 21/02/2014 08:50

Like I said above, the ceremony is only 1.5 hours so not that long. She'd be fine waiting and university definitely allow her. ExH isn't worried about the fine, he just doesn't want her to go to my graduation. I will apply for it to be authorised absence and feel it's a good reason, particularly as her attendance is 100% otherwise.

OP posts:
juule · 21/02/2014 08:50

I would take her. It could be as uc says "She will remember it, and it will encourage her when she is older to try and achieve like you have."
or she might remember it as Felix90 remembers her mum's. Either way she will probably remember it. And as BeckandCall says it's not just the ceremony, it's the gown and the photos and the tea afterwards - a lovely family day to celebrate your achievement together.

mrsjay · 21/02/2014 08:53

oh take her get photos with her and your partner frame it and she can look at it as she grows up and she can see how well her mum did and how much she improved her life, take her out the school will be fine with it as long as you tell them what it is your ex is just being an arsehole meh let him be bitter and twisted and enjoy your day with your little girl and partner

Sirzy · 21/02/2014 08:53

1.5 hours is a very long time when you are that young and bored. My ceremony was only an hour but it felt like 6.

I am graduating in July and there is no way I will be taking DS as as far as I am concerned it wouldn't be fair on him. If you do take her I hope your partner is willing to miss you graduating to take her out if she gets bored.

Dominodonkey · 21/02/2014 08:55

Yanbu and if the school don't let you have it authorised I would be quite surprised and they would be really unreasonable. Celebrating educational success and showing children the importance of lifelong learning are part of most schools policies.

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