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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take dd out of school to attend my graduation?

77 replies

AmigoShamigo · 21/02/2014 08:27

Dd is in year 1. Attending university has been difficult for me/us - I started soon after her father and I split up and while we were living in a hostel. We had 12 hour days including travelling when she was three and she was fantastic. I then had to learn to drive in time for her starting school and she's been really helpful and encouraging of my work. I'm the first person in my family to go to university and I'm hoping to get a first.

The ceremony is only 1.5 hours long and dd is patient, my dp would be there to sit with her when I'm on stage. She said she'd 'like to be there to celebrate my achievements because I always go to celebrate hers' Smile Obviously I'd apply for an authorised absence from school and it's towards the end of the summer term so hopefully would be granted. I told exH my plans and he has decided he strongly opposes dd missing school for it and will be contacting the school Hmm Aibu in wanting to take dd out of school for my graduation?

OP posts:
BookFairy · 21/02/2014 09:29

Congratulations :)

It will be a lovely day of celebration for all of you. Your DD can read/do some colouring during the speeches (though it sounds like the speeches will be short if the ceremony is only 1.5 hours). The uni will know the order of ceremony so can advise about timings if your DP needs to take her outside for a few mins.

whatever5 · 21/02/2014 09:31

I would take her if she wants to go. My children would have had no problems sitting still at that age for an hour and a half especially if she can take a book or something to amuse herself if she gets bored. As others have said you can show her the university etc. I'm sure she'll enjoy it.

I think you should pay your ex's fine if you get one (that's probably all he's worried about).

mygrandchildrenrock · 21/02/2014 09:31

My three were 12, 9 and 7 when I graduated and they all came. My youngest was 3 1/2 when his sister graduated and I took him.
It's such a special day, I wouldn't hesitate to take her.

Fairenuff · 21/02/2014 09:32

There might not be a fine but as long as OP is prepared for the fact that there could be and factors that in to the cost of the day. The most would be £60 per parent wouldn't it?

I think it would unfair to expect the ex to pay as he doesn't want his daughter to be absent, so OP could budget for £120. Then, if she is not fined, she has a nice bit of cash put aside to spend on something else.

Osmiornica · 21/02/2014 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swanbridge · 21/02/2014 09:40

Is there anyone else who could take her for the ceremony, so your DP could still watch? At DH's last year we all (him, me, 2 x DC) went to get his gown, have photos taken etc. We went round to the hall with him but then my PIL actually went in and I took the children to the park. Then we all met up again afterwards for a celebratory lunch. I thought I'd had a lucky escape not sitting through the ceremony myself tbh

wongadotmom · 21/02/2014 09:44

How would you feel, OP, if your exH wanted to take your DC out of school to attend his own graduation ceremony?

LouSend · 21/02/2014 09:50

You know your dd, Amego. It sounds like the two of you have been through a lot together and have supported each other. I'll bet she's very mature and even if she gets bored she'd still sit quietly knowing that a) it was expected of her and b) it means a lot to you.

I know my year 1 dd could sit nicely for 90 minutes and she hasn't witnessed us working hard to achieve in the way that yours has seen you.

I'd be very surprised if the school don't grant absence as I really think your graduation is exceptional circumstances.

Congratulations!

Roshbegosh · 21/02/2014 09:52

She really should share your day in some way. I am sure school would allow it and if you don't involve her you would regret it later. stonebridge's suggestion is good or if your DP was willing to take your DC outside if she got fractious that would be fine. As long as she doesn't make a row spoiling it for others then she should be involved as much as possible. They are rather boring but students and families beam and enjoy them. Your graduation photo with her in it, got to have it.

afterthought · 21/02/2014 09:57

I can't imagine they would fine you - teachers are allowed a day off to attend their own or their children's graduations. I think it is really important to take her - places a value on education.

Fairenuff · 21/02/2014 10:01

I'm not saying they will find you OP, just that they might, so I'm just suggesting that you factor that into your finances for the day, that's all.

AuroraRoared · 21/02/2014 10:13

Congratulations!

I think you should take her. I remember going to my Mum's when I was about 6/7 - we had a really good day and I'm so glad I was there. I got to dress up and we had photos and cake and lemonade on the lawn afterwards. It is a very happy memory.

Get your DP to bring some colouring books or other silent activities, juce boxes, quiet snacks etc, and I'm sure she'll be ok for 1.5 hours.

AuroraRoared · 21/02/2014 10:13

*juice

SnowFrickenWhite · 21/02/2014 14:21

Congratulations!

I would take her, i remember going to my mums graduation when i was younger and it was a great day. I loved seeing her on stage after all her hard work. Maybe let her take a book or something she enjoys just incase she gets bored a bit?

I wouldnt tell the ExH anymore, if he asks give him a different date incase he does call the school, hes being unfair.

Idocrazythings · 21/02/2014 14:28

I think it's a great idea. Your ex is being a jealous selfish arse.

I would personally take her, authorised or not. What an excellent role model you are to your daughter. Congratulations on your graduation Thanks

greenfolder · 21/02/2014 16:02

i absolobloominlutely would take her out.

my 2 dds attended my masters- it had taken 4 years of their young lives (they were 8 and 10) and it meant a lot to me and to them.

if going to a graduation ceremony and acknowledging your academic hard work is not a good enough reason, i do not know what is.

mine was before the recent nonsense. I asked and got a letter of congratulation from dds headteacher.

PoppyFleur · 21/02/2014 16:13

Congratulations, a fantastic achievement & it sounds like you are an amazing mum who has raised a lovely child. Take her along, it will be a treasured memory.

Original poster
AmigoShamigo · 21/02/2014 21:41

Thank you for all your responses. She'll definitely be fine waiting and will pack a bag to keep her amused. She's excited about meeting my university friends and lecturers afterwards and then we'd go for a meal to celebrate. Going to put in the authorised absence request on Monday so fingers crossed Smile

For the record, I'd be completely supportive if her dad wanted her to miss a day for his graduation. He just wants to spoil it for me/make me miss it as I'd have noone to collect dd from school.

OP posts:
Mim78 · 21/02/2014 21:44

My friend did this and the school approved because it showed the benefits of working hard and getting an education.

Her dd is also in year 1 and she enjoyed it.

NigellasDealer · 21/02/2014 21:46

take her it is a wonderful example for her

Joiningthegang · 21/02/2014 21:50

My son is in year 1 and he will be coming to my graduation (it is on a Saturday), if it had have been a school day I was planning to take dd - yr 7, authorised or not,

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 21/02/2014 21:56

Take her, I think it's fantastic and she will remember it forever. What a wonderful example you are setting your DD. Congratulations!

Almostfifty · 21/02/2014 22:00

I took a toddler one year, and a 31/2 year old and a newborn the next year. I sat at the back so I could leave if they started to make a fuss but neither did.

You do what you want, you've earned it.

Needadvice5 · 21/02/2014 22:04

Congratulations! You make sure you take her!

My two attended mine...m

PatsysPyjamas · 21/02/2014 22:05

I wouldn't hesitate to take her. It sounds like it will be very meaningful for you both. I am surprised by the number of posters saying not to take her as she will be bored. Loads of six year olds sit through church every week, for example, which is also very boring, except it isn't accompanied by a day out for all the family, photos, lunch etc. It will be a lovely day and you very much deserve the celebration.