To be utterly sick of the fussy eaters are made brigade

[ButterdickCumberscotch]

Title says it all.

I am so fed up of people assuming that my dd1 is fussy about food because I have made her that way, that I just feed her junk and sweets and if I only let her go hungry she would eat what is put in front of her.

She has come such a long way from being the 2 year old that would not eat anything but still has a long list of things she will not eat. Certain textures or something unexpected in her food makes her gag. Trying new foods is not something she enjoys although she is slowly getting braver.

And yes we sent her to bed many a time leaving an untouched dinner and it didn't make a difference. Her appetite is minuscule at the best of times and she'll happily skip a meal.

And why do people assume that because she has a small appetite and doesn't like a lot of foods that this means she must eat nothing but processed food? Her list of likes includes things like beef stew, porridge, eggs and many fruits and vegetables. Her dislikes are many but include pizza, chips and processed meats. So no, we don't feed her from a Findus freezer every night.

And then there is DD2. Loves nothing better than a home cooked meal and eats way more than her sister, yet has always been a tiny skinny thing. They are just different in their make up and eating habits.

I wish a 'fussy' eater upon those who are routinely smug about the fact they have been fortunate enough to have a child that does not have issues with food. AIBU?

My youngest son was a picky eater - older two very good eaters.

Helpful input from my mum - 'he's got you wrapped around his little finger', when I allowed him to cook his own plain pasta for dinner.

He would smell the milk before putting it on his cereal and would reject it as being off long before anyone else could tell.

I let him make his own food choices within the scope of what my earth mother type kitchen had to offer - and this often did mean plain pasta - but didn't make a fuss otherwise.

Family on the other hand, criticised me for not 'laying down the law' so to speak. Other people should keep their mouths shut.

He's almost 21 now, 6 foot three or thereabouts, and eats heartily.

Why is it fussy to like some tastes and dislike others? I like plain food and enjoy my limited range enormously. I'm a healthy happy person and know what I like. Why is this fussy? Why is this a problem?

Please stop pestering children to eat the things that you like. Treat small people's likes and dislikes with a bit of respect and stop making them miserable for something they can't help.

I think the trouble is some fussy eaters are made, so people assume that all fussy eaters are made.

I was (am) a fussy eater. For me it's about textures more than anything else, it was a power thing when I was a child and unfortunately I've never grown out of it, though I am much better now.

Dd1 showed signs of getting fussy when she was about 3 or 4. I decided I wasn't having it and carried on and didn't let her get away with it. She is a fab eater.

Dd2 is my fussy eater, again started around 3 or 4, and I just did the same as with dd1, except it didn't work this time! She is like me, it's all to do with textures. The good thing with her is she's loves veg, it's trying to get her to eat meat, (we even tried going veggie for a month, using quorn - didn't work) we've discovered she loves white meat but not red meat.

We try not to make meal times a battle (very difficult at times) and keep introducing foods. We also don't pander to her as I don't want it to get whose.

Slowly she's getting better, we have good and bad days.

However I do know some parents who will give their child nothing but junk food as, in their own words, they can't be bothered and its the only thing they'll eat.

I loved dr tania's way of dealing with children and parents in these situations, I wish they'd repeat her programmes

Skolastica, I'm like that with milk too (and bread). Dh will hapapily keep on eating it drinking it but the moment it's on the turn it tastes absolutely rank to me and I can't get why no one else can taste it too!

no, not unreasonable. I have three children who have all been brought up in the same way. The first one eats everything and anything. The second one eats most things and responds appropriately to 'if you don't eat it, there will be no pudding' threats and the third one would rather eat his own arm than 99% of things I put in front of him.

I'm a food neophobic supertaster, which is pretty crappy in a society that centres a lot of socialising around food and drink (can't bear the taste of beer or wine despite well over 25 attempts to like it).

My DS has no idea I have food issues, he never sees me be picky with food as at home we only have stuff that I like. Yet he is clearly turning out to be the same as me, extremely resistant to trying new food, wide range of things he dislikes. Contrary to most people's opinions of fussy children he won't eat most sweets, cakes, biscuits. Doesn't like haribo, we didn't get him a chocolate advent calendar this year as I ended up eating most of it last year as he wasn't bothered - despite liking chocolate.

Research does seem to be showing a genetic element here, so his eating is my fault, but genetically, not because of my parenting!

YANBU! I weaned my two exactly the same way. DS eats everything and has a good, healthy diet. Doesn't like sugary drinks, sweets etc. DD eats hardly anything and no hot meals. She will snack all day long and loves things like fruit shoots and crisps.

Same upbringing wildly different results.

"One thing I've learnt though. All those toddlers who'd 'eat anything' are now fat teens/adults" - Sadbodyblue

I repeat, ridiculous statement!

And something about small DC running around playing then stopping for food being a worry?!

I don't have fussy eaters, but I am aware enough and sensitive enough to know that it often goes a bit deeper than simply being a PITA about food. I also know through experience that food behaviours you adopt in formative years may be influenced by care-givers.

However, to cite 'normal' (unfussy) eating in a small child as a cause for concern is bonkers, IMO

DD1 eats anything & always has. DD2 was fussy from the start, but eats fruit & veg - just doesn't seem to like meat or even just proper meals! I don't make an issue of it - if she doesn't want it, I take it away & she can have a yoghurt or some fruit.

She's unpredictable & yet will eat most things at nursery so I just leave her to it, hoping that it will settle down.

I just don't want to make food a battle ground or an issue. She's fussy, but clearly healthy & as long as she's eating something, I'm happy to leave it at that.

notnowbernard really boring when a poster actually doesn't read the post properly dear.

yes of course children in the developing world can be fussy eaters too!
i find that comment a bit weird. they are as human as everyone else. if the range of foods is very limited some children definitely eat less of it than others. And some go to more lengths than others to seek out different foods.
mothers often breastfeed for as long as possible in times of food shortage to sidestep this issue.

I registered just to comment on this thread.

I'm a supertaster and have sensory issues (not only with food) so I've always been, and still am, a picky eater. Although I have a wider range now than I did as a child, and I do genuinely enjoy eating the foods I get along with probably a bit too much. To add to the fun, I have several food allergies - which is why the idea that you should keep making a child eat foods that they 'don't like' always makes me cringe a bit.

My mum always had a 'three bite' rule when we were growing up. You had to eat at least three bites of everything on your plate no matter how bitterly you complained that they make you feel sick. It turns out that a few of those things she was forcing me to eat are foods I'm sensitive, and in one case quite violently allergic, to.
To her credit my mum has apologized, but it's always made me aware that there might be a very good reason why some children won't eat certain foods.

'all of those toddlers who would 'eat anything' are now fat teens and adults.'

So you disliked people judging your kids for being fussy eaters but are more than happy to judge kids who aren't fussy about food.

OP YANBU, I was a fussy eater, I remember being forced to eat a raw tomato by a parents friend who obviously thought I was given into way too easily. It made me throw up in her kitchen
But sadbodyblue I was a bit disturbed by your comments. I have a 3 year old who has always loved food, from the very first weaning attempts he just couldn't get enough, my parents still laugh at how much he enjoys food. BUT we make sure he has a healthy diet, treats are limited, and he gets lots of exercise. He has cute chubby cheeks but is not fat and I can't see why he would be if we teach him to enjoy the right foods. I get a lot of pleasure out of his pleasure in eating.

Sadbodyblue, dear

Please explain where I've misunderstood your post

Both my dds were fairly fussy
I remember feeling constantly guilty if they had fish fingers when we were eating made from scratch home cooked food ( that they wouldn't touch

However i do remember them getting to the ages of around 9 or 10 and I just decided I couldn't / wouldn't go on making differing meals.

So I made a lasagne....we sat down together as a family and said
" this is lasagne" and said no more.
They both looked a bit horrified but did try it and ate most of it.

From then on they have both eaten what we are eating
And are both late teens now.
If they cook for themselves though it's usually crap out of the
freezer.
Both girls are tall and slim
I

Some fussy eaters are made tho.

DD2 would love to be a fussy eater. Sadly no-one cares enough to indulge her

We have a take it or leave it policy here.

Some fussy eaters are most definitely made.

l havn't read the thread but from your OP Yadnbu!!!

My dd is 4 and has a diagnosed severe food aversion. She has a consultant, gastro consultant and is under CAAMHS. She had a dietitian and SALT until they gave up on her. She has been tube fed on and off her whole life.

Yet STILL people assume she's just a bit fussy. They tell me tales of 6 foot Kevin who only ate fish fingers until he was 7.

I've given up trying to explain tbh.

Yes, it puzzles people when DS turns chocolates, biscuits and sweets down. To be honest, it puzzles me! I was a human bin growing up. It's DH DS gets his fussiness from.. DH was so slim and small that the teachers at his primary told everyone to clap if he got seconds of any food at the cafeteria (never happened). Umm.. let's just say he is a healthy weight now

Also, I remember my cousin who as a 2 year old had the precise eating repertoir of milk, cheerios, peanut butter and plain white bread. 7 years ago at my wedding, when he was 18, he ate swordfish and went for a curry with the rest of us the next day. Something just happened, and it wasn't anything to do with the efforts (or lack of them) of his parents.

Personally I think we expect children to eat a lot more than they need. They eat when they're hungry and past providing them with access to a balanced diet, you can't force them to eat.

Neither of mine like rice or mashed potato. To make matters worse, what they'll happily eat one day, they reject the next. It's like trying to hit a moving target.

Actually I think it depends on exactly what we mean by fussy.

Most children will try it on at some point, so if you have children that generally eat what they're given I guess it's easy to assume that's all that's going on.

If, however, you have had the stress of dealing with a child that gradually rejects all but a very narrow range of foods, gags on the pizza that they ate until last week, cries at the attempt to chew a piece of chicken that you've asked them to at least try, and they still don't want crisps / sweets / chocolate - well then you'd have an idea of how upsetting it would be for the parent to be told it was their fault.

And as many have already said on this thread, it isn't always every child in the family that is fussy.

Hmm, well. The fussy eaters I know tend to be kids who are allowed to rule the roost in most respects.

YANBU imv. My dd was similar. It's taken years to broaden her diet. It's only recently age 8 that she's no longer underweight. Food may be available but if it's something that makes her gag, she won't touch it. And will eat nothing instead. This has on occasion resulted in her being physically ill from hunger (vomiting bile) when she's been with the nursery, school or with the type of person for a day who thinks "if that's all that's on offer, she'll eat it". She just can't tolerate certain textures/tastes.

It's hard to understand how exasperating it is if you haven't been there. Do they honestly think we haven't tried offering no alternatives?