To be utterly sick of the fussy eaters are made brigade

[ButterdickCumberscotch]

Title says it all.

I am so fed up of people assuming that my dd1 is fussy about food because I have made her that way, that I just feed her junk and sweets and if I only let her go hungry she would eat what is put in front of her.

She has come such a long way from being the 2 year old that would not eat anything but still has a long list of things she will not eat. Certain textures or something unexpected in her food makes her gag. Trying new foods is not something she enjoys although she is slowly getting braver.

And yes we sent her to bed many a time leaving an untouched dinner and it didn't make a difference. Her appetite is minuscule at the best of times and she'll happily skip a meal.

And why do people assume that because she has a small appetite and doesn't like a lot of foods that this means she must eat nothing but processed food? Her list of likes includes things like beef stew, porridge, eggs and many fruits and vegetables. Her dislikes are many but include pizza, chips and processed meats. So no, we don't feed her from a Findus freezer every night.

And then there is DD2. Loves nothing better than a home cooked meal and eats way more than her sister, yet has always been a tiny skinny thing. They are just different in their make up and eating habits.

I wish a 'fussy' eater upon those who are routinely smug about the fact they have been fortunate enough to have a child that does not have issues with food. AIBU?

My eldest dd (now 19) has always been a fussy eater and the list of foods she won't eat has gradually increased over the years. It's caused a fair amount of angst all round, and I suppose I've varied in my approach/response to it because I didn't understand it at all and it really came to overshadow family mealtimes. It was only when I realised how much genuine, deep anxiety it caused her that I began to really look into it (I suppose I'd tended to look on it as an inconvenience, or her being flaky) and discovered the term Selective Eating Disorder. I'd do a link if I knew how to on my ipad, but it's worth a google. I think it's definitely what my dd had been suffering from for years, and I wish I'd understood and been more supportive earlier.

YANBU
My DSD was a very particular eater (less so now she's older, but still quite restricted) and I vowed if I had a child of my own it would be different.
It certainly was, DD is fussy in totally different ways! Has nothing to do with me, as a family we eat a good, varied diet, well cooked (mostly thanks to DP) but DD has her own ideas about what she likes and doesn't like.
DSD's eating caused DP a lot of anxiety, but whatever we did made little difference, so we took a step back and chilled out. She was healthy if on the slender side and it was beneficial to take the focus off it, she relaxed a bit more too and over the years has got a much better attitude to food.

child one eats everything including sprouts child two eats curry and all things spicy child three is 13 months old and would only eat white food and broccoli he has food allergies and lives on veg and some fruit (but he is now refusing bananas after a violent bug) the point is im raising three children and they all like different things ive done nothing really different for them all and they all are turning out different

YANBU ds1 ate everything I put in front of him - I was so smug
ds2 had a repertoire of about 6 foods by age 1. Has improved to 'normal' over the years but still won't eat fruit apart from bananas. Didn't like anything mixed together - eg once picked all the sweetcorn out of some tuna pasta, put it in a little heap at the side of his plate then ate it separately. I bet him £1 he couldn't eat a strawberry - he couldn't - he gagged so much I thought he was going to be sick.

Generally, parents of DC who are eaters have no clue, ime and are the ones who raise their eyebrows and offer "advice".

I think there are different categories of fussiness though. Some who just like certain foods, but generally eat, and you can try the "send them to bed without food" routine. Some who are very fussy but may eventually widen their variety.

And then there are those, like my DS, who are resistant eaters/have phobia about trying new foods. The ones who will eat the very few same things over and over again until they decide they no longer like it and then never eat it again. Every time my DS starts eating a new food, he drops 2 or 3. Not feeding him is not an option.

YANBU.

My first post on aibu!

But I couldn't not comment, thank you op that was a reassuring post (well to me it was).

I have 3 dc, two eat well, Dc2 had a tummy bug about 10months old and refused food from then on.

fast forward to now at 4 years with hv's refusing to help me. A bust up with a another parent telling my son he is a horrible boy for not eating at a school event resulting in a very distressed boy at hometime!.

Dh and me have slowly but surely built up his confidence with food. Its painstaking, he'll still gag/cry/refuse but we don't make a fuss or force him to eat.

he's gone from drinking milk, and only eating dry toast, to eating - roast chicken, yorkshire puddings, carrots, sugar puffs, ready brek, freddie frog chocolate, certain crisps. Plain pasta. I actually had tears In my eyes when he ate a banana with no fuss!

I have 4 boys. They eat anything (mostly healthy stuff) and they are skinny (probably because they stop when full). I don't think they have ever had a chicken nugget, and fish fingers/sausages/pizza make an appearance very occasionally when we have particularly picky child visiting (once every three months?) I think my non picky eaters were made, if they had had their own way they'd live off crap. They have no chance in my house though, all they have really known is healthy homemade meals and they either choose to eat them or not. I don't mind either way. I generally cook one meal only and that's it. Generally the kids like most of the meals.

I think some picky eaters have jaw/food texture/sensitivity issues. This can be quite common with children with ASD. These children aside, I recon there are lots who manipulate their parents into providing a limited rubbish diet.

yanbu I had a fussy eater i tried to MAKE her eat after all the she will eat if she is hungry blah blah it just made her 10 x worse she started being fussy at around2 I think she had a sickness bug and it just put her off food and tbh if i hadnt been so fussy about the non eating she probably would have eaten a lot better she didnt start eating properly till she was 9/10 , I didnt bother with dd2 let her eat what she liked and didnt try if she wasnt wanting it, she was a great eater

Do you think people in the developing world are fussy eaters?

Ds has been fussy since a bad bout of diarrhoea aged 2.5. He would eat pretty much anything until then but has always needed fed. I had to give up on BLW. As he wouldn't have ever put anything in his own mouth. He is always hungry but still won't try anything new and he's far too skinny to be sent to bed hungry. He's gradually dropped more and more so now at 5 he eats the following shite diet.

Waffles
French fries
Fish or chicken fingers under duress
Plain pasta with cheese on the side
Crackers with cheese
Cheese sandwich brown bread no crust
Dry toast brown bread no crust
Dry porridge with brown sugar
Dry or fresh mango
Apple under duress
Raw carrot sticks
Raisins at school
Bourbon creams
Jammy dodgers
Shortbread
Some sweets

Dd has a fairly crap appetite but will eat almost anything so it can't all be down to my crap parenting .

'Fussy' eaters don't always prefer junk though. My DD likes most fruit, and veg, has a good appetite but knows when she is full, but is deeply suspicious of new foods, dislikes mixed up food, most sauces, jam, melted cheese, has never even tried stuff like ketchup or pickles (the horror on her face at the prospect is priceless) - I'd say it's a lot about texture, her older sister is very similar. They like plain, simple food. DD also won't eat meat.

Do you think people in the developing world are fussy eaters?
I wonder this too.

Agree that this assumption of fussy = junk. Neither of mine has eaten a chicken nugget. Ds almost certainly would but has never encountered them. Dd has at parties but shies away from them. She'd rather eat a tomato.

DD was presented at a club with usual kiddy friendly fare to eat, none of which she was keen to eat, so they asked what she would like - the organiser told me afterwards that it was the first time that a child had requested broad beans...

I know quite a few people whose younger children are never, ever fed chicken nuggets or similar. This is more difficult/unheard of among older children (i.e. 6/7+), but not up to say, 5 years.

Rofl at suggestion non-fussy, hungry DC grow into fat adults

My 3 are fucked then...

Seriously, what a ridiculous statement!

My fussy eater happily eats, plain white fish, plain chicken, most veg, most fruit. But won't touch mash, banana, anything mushy in fact! She has improved with age, took her until 12 to eat a jacket potato. But she is now starting to tryst a wider variety of foods. Sending her to bed hungry would never work, she has never had a huge appetite and I don't think it's healthy to fight over food, I certainly don't expect a child to clear their plate.

As a life long "fussy eater" I completely know what you're on about. People are completely ignorant, especially the older you get.

Fussy eating is perfectly normal until around the age of 8 when most children grow out of it. I am now 19 years old and I'm still struggling a lot with my eating which is now classed as an eating disorder. I have a lot of experience with the hostility you can receive from people. I've had people actually be aggressive with me over it

I have one of each.
one who would eat anything I put in front of him
and one who I have great difficulty getting him to put on weight because he doesnt like food.
there are a few things that he will eat loads of - Dim Sum, plain pasta with butter, fish of any sort and crisps.
We eat other things and he is encouraged to eat what he can but it has been a long slog.

fwiw we did find out in the last couple of years that he is allergic to egg and peanuts so it could be that when we were first weaning him he was allergic to more things and it just put him off food.

I don't know whether you are right or wrong about this but I do know that a fussy eater would drive me absolutely mad. I don't think I could deal with it. Very much hoping that if the theory that it is all chance proves to be correct I will not get a fussy eater in dc2

However I suspect that a small appetite is not the same as being fussy and that it is no cause for concern.

Mim trust me it has driven me mad.

It is so annoying that we are levelled with the assumption that because are children won't eat long lists of food that this means they get away with requesting junk all the time. The junk is also on the prohibited list. Dd has problems with all categories of foods. She would eat chicken nuggets (homemade or shop bought) but would not eat chips or waffles.

I find the virus thing fascinating. Dd1 was ill a couple of years ago and it took 3 weeks for her to start eating anything than the odd mouthful. She had a violent stomach bug last year and a couple of times afterwards she would wake with a tummy ache (which I sort of knew were her hunger pains) and she was full of fear and panic that she was going to be ill again. I had to calm her down and get her to eat which solved the problem.

YANBU
Every now and then there's a big support thread that pops up on this topic - DS2 is my fussy one and like others have already said, he gags on some food, ate a very varied diet until 2.6-3, has two unfussy brothers so it pisses me off enormously when people comment on how this must be down to parenting.

That's right, we got the other 2 right but couldn't be arsed with him...

Butterdickcumberscotch- illnesses and even injuries often trigger eating troubles in children and animals too!
My eating disorder is essentially where I had an illness (pneumonia at 18 months that almost killed me) which then triggered an extreme reaction where it's left me where I eat the same three meals every single day!

Obviously don't be worrying about your children, this is an extreme reaction. But it is similar to a child getting ill then struggling to get back to eating normally for several weeks.

This thread has saddened me a little with some people's reactions to fussy eating, as I know how the children are feeling! Force feeding is no good it really isn't, it'll just create further problems and stress

And nahmate I wish you every luck. I hope your son continues to expand his repertoire, my DD has even though it takes a while.