To be utterly sick of the fussy eaters are made brigade

[ButterdickCumberscotch]

Title says it all.

I am so fed up of people assuming that my dd1 is fussy about food because I have made her that way, that I just feed her junk and sweets and if I only let her go hungry she would eat what is put in front of her.

She has come such a long way from being the 2 year old that would not eat anything but still has a long list of things she will not eat. Certain textures or something unexpected in her food makes her gag. Trying new foods is not something she enjoys although she is slowly getting braver.

And yes we sent her to bed many a time leaving an untouched dinner and it didn't make a difference. Her appetite is minuscule at the best of times and she'll happily skip a meal.

And why do people assume that because she has a small appetite and doesn't like a lot of foods that this means she must eat nothing but processed food? Her list of likes includes things like beef stew, porridge, eggs and many fruits and vegetables. Her dislikes are many but include pizza, chips and processed meats. So no, we don't feed her from a Findus freezer every night.

And then there is DD2. Loves nothing better than a home cooked meal and eats way more than her sister, yet has always been a tiny skinny thing. They are just different in their make up and eating habits.

I wish a 'fussy' eater upon those who are routinely smug about the fact they have been fortunate enough to have a child that does not have issues with food. AIBU?

DS will spurn a fairy cake for a hunk of raw carrot. Fussy / restricted doesn't mean unhealthy.

what about my neice who will refuse her dinner (all food she likes) and then announce she's hungry 5 mins later and demand a ice lolly, which she is then given so she doesn't throw a tantrum?

OP and falulah you both said some things that resonate with me.

DD is 1 and not fussy at all, she will try anything so long as she sees you take a big bite out of it first! However, she struggles with certain textures which I am convinced is due to her unsnipped tongue tie. For example, when we first started weaning her she couldn't tolerate stage 1 purees, they would slip down her throat and make her gag and retch. So we did BLW with her, and avoided the things which made her gag, just like those of you who have posted with fussy eaters did. It's interesting that there may be some physical reasons behind the fussiness- I knew about sensory differences in ASDs but hadn't considered super tasters or things like falulah's cousin's cysts. I guess DD's tongue tie may yet manifest as fussiness as she hits the terrible twos!

I agree OP. No-one has said it to my face directly but the implications are there 'you shouldn't give him a choice' 'you not let him get down without eating it all' 'when I was a child...'

DD who is DC1. She eats everything and anything, she has some dislikes but she is open minded to trying new things and rarely dislikes an entire meal, even if some of it is not to her liking. She is also fine with eating things she is not a huge fan of. DS is DC2. He is so fussy it is unreal. There was a time when all he would eat would be pasta and sausage and peanut butter. Now he eats much more, but like your DC1, there is a huge list of what will not eat. He won't try something new without cajoling/pulling faces, and often won't try it at all. He is more bothered by appearance, smell, texture than DD, and his instinctual reaction is 'ew yuck'.

He was weaned in a similar way to DD, part mush, part whole food (BLW) largely home made, some jars occasionally but nothing that we didn't do with DD. The biggest difference between them is that i puked a lot with dd pg throughout, but ate reasonably varied food when pg. With DS, I puked horrendously throughout the whole pg, had to take meds to hold anything at all down, and only ate the tiniest amounts of very plan salmon and boiled potato or peanut butter. Who know if that has an impact.

He is just a different child. Same goes for his shocking sleep routine as a baby/toddler now

I was an 'eat anything' kid. Yes I love my food. Waaaay too much.

A friend of mine had a son that would only eat plain pasta with salt on..or chocolate till very recently. vi Think he will have chicken nuggets or Wales and a bit of pasta sauce now he's 8.. Her other 3 kids eat perfectly normally.
It stems from the son having a really bad throat infection at weaning time, and developing a food phobia.

YADNBU

My fussy eater would live on yoghurt, fruit, raw veg, nuts, olives and cake if she had the choice. A very sensitive child she actually gags at the smell of a lot of food. She is now 8 and recently added chicken and potatoes (if they are crispy, must have been the inky parent pleased to see their child eating chips) to her diet but doesn't like cheese, eggs, ham, bread or anything squishy. We had so many battles when she was younger, forced on me by the "I wouldn't stand for that brigade" I started to worry I was creating a food issue. Have now backed off and accepted her diet, whilst restricted is on the most part healthy.

I've got a " fussy eater" , who actually has food phobias.
Her favourite food is raw broccoli!!!

Wales = waffles

The sensory thing is my guess with Dd. I think she might have some ASD issues. Not quite sure what though.

food should not be important to toddlers and young children. the ones who are constantly hungry and eat everything are a worry.

Oh right. Well stick me in the corner with the bad parent hat on then . My DD1 has been starving since the second she latched on for the first time. She loves food. I'm no more in control of that than you are in control of your child not liking it.

I sort of agree with you OP, I have a very fussy eater despite being brought up exactly the same as her big sister who eats almost anything.
There are some fussy eaters that are made but many more are like my dd2. Her won't eats include most fruit and veg, chips, anything she deems as odd, anything spicy and anything new.

Her will eats are fish, squid, prawns (but only hot), salami, stinky cheese, sausages, Yorkshire puddings, chorizo, roast chicken, roast lamb, roast pork, roast beef, steak and ale pie and a very small amount of mashed potatoes.

I appreciate you're generally talking about toddlers here but a lot of posters seem to be saying "my child was a fussy eater, we made sure we didn't make a fuss about food, fast forward x years and they now eat anything".

So in effect saying that their attitude to food and how they dealt with it did affect their children and ultimately make them into non-fussy eaters (sensory issues, etc aside).

Interesting topic - i participated in a university research project when weaning DD1 that looked at how vegetables were introduced and what effect that had on how much veg children ate & enjoyed later on.

OP - has someone made comments about your dc eating habits? They sound fine to me....probably a lot healthier than most!

I think some fussy eaters are made tbh.
My own dc all tried it on at times and I adopted the attitude if you don't eat it now you get it for breakfast, they soon stopped being fussy.
I would not presume that this is the case for everybody though, nor that it is as simple as that for everyone.
I believe had I caved in we would have made fussy eaters if that makes sense.

Dawn yes I suppose it is how we deal with it and actually the problem comes when other people shoot their mouth off or get judgey.

Regarding the ice lolly tantrum child this sounds like the parents are at fault. But don't assume that it means that all parents are allowing or causing their child's food issues. Just as it has been pointed out that we should not generalise about children who are constantly hungry.

I agree with
some are home made but not all.
My ds has been 'a fussy eater since well day1!
Turns out he had reflux that led to food aversions that led to failure to thrive that led to him losing weight and never putting weight on until 18months old.
He is now fed via feeding tube in his stomach and has jad multiple allergies and now we are questioning crohns/ibd.

A boy the similar age in family (whom I have lived with)
wont eat much other than kfc and chicken bites or pies or microwave pizzas and bacon his mum never fed him anything else. This has made him a home made fussy eater.
My ds on the other hand would have died if he didn't have the tube put in to feed him as he lost that much weight and waa eating no food and having just an oz of milk a day despite my best efforts (tiring him out, takinghim out to feed, bottle in pram, car, train. Trying all sorts of food and milk and juices)

Ps I used to try and feed the other boy myself to help his mum. He would try new foods at nursery and school but never from his mother so she keeps on making the same convenient crap all the time.

Also his older brother is the same she would tell him its ok not finish his dinner as he would still get sweet dish after

I think some fussy eaters are born (but that certain actions you take could help - this may, depending on the child, include only giving what they will eat).

Some are certainly made as well though. I think most of us have witnessed some of that. My sister is terrible for assuming her children won't like things and not even letting them try. (and I mean easy things like a piece of mango which is next to loads of other fruit they do eat, so it would be easy to have one bite and then have something else if it were not liked).

I have one child that would love to be fussy. She is not forced to finish anything, but she is subjected to all manner of foods to stop her getting set in her ways and will always (now) try them. This works for her. Tonight she liked apple, celery and carrot soup. Her (usually unfussy) brother hated it!

I think she was born with a tendency to fussiness. I think I could have made her into someone fussy if I had not taken firm action. I am not blinkered enough to think my strategies would work for every child.

Dd1 is 5 now so the fussiness has gone past toddlerhood. She was extreme as a toddler now and would be classed as fussy now. I prefer to serve her the elements of a meal separately for example as she is more likely to eat a decent quantity of food (except beef stew). I do think she will be more adventurous as she gets older as I think food tastes stronger to her at this age and that this will calm down and I hope to help this process by trying to ensure she can be relaxed about food. But the assumption is that I have let her get away with this, whereas I say I have had no choice but to take a softly softly approach as she is scared of new foods. When I weaned her she would not eat a thing so we wentBLW. She was 10 months old before she actually ate anything.
Yes some fussy eaters are made but so many are not. I almost rejoiced to have a second child who loved food from the off as I felt it vindicated me from all the comments and assumptions that were taking place around me.
I have had a few comments over the years. One today from a mum friend with average appetite kids.

So we all know kids who are getting away with murder at home. Whether it is eating rubbish or not ever being told off, whatever. But this doesn't mean that every kid who is fussy or misbehaves is the result of a feckless parent.

My DD loves to cook with me, we will pour over the books and magazines looking at potential recipes. But mostly she would rather go hungry than eat the end result. I am encouraged by all the growing out of it stories though. Good luck to all parents out there. I really thought when I had a child I would feed them and they would eat, best laid plans and all that.

I think a big thing is shaking off how we were raised (clear your plate, you'll get it for breakfast etc) and trying to do things differently. I also overeat, and will finish my plate even if I am full - especially at a restaurant where I haven't served myself but can still hear my parents telling me that going out was a treat and food mustn't be wasted.
Like other posters I don't consider my 2yr DS to be overly fussy - he loves all fruit, houmous, olives, prawns, spicy foods - but won't touch mashed potato, pasta or a ham sandwich. Give him a slice of toast with 2 slices of ham on the side though and he'll eat the lot... Go figure
Some toddlers definitely try to exert control, ate it last week but won't eat it this week kind of thing, and I think parents then need to push back. But making mealtimes into a battleground is ultimately unproductive and not fun for anyone involved.

But, TBH, if you looked at my DS's diet you would probably say "Oh, you make him fussy by only feeding him those few meals that he likes"

Well, yeah. Because I cannot afford to throw food away, simple as that. And while pizza might be full of fat and salt it's at least got protein (salami, cheese), calcium (dairy), and some vegetable remains in the form of a sauce. Which one mouthful of curry and then a full stomach of toast with butter doesn't have.

I don't want to put my child to bed hungry, I plan the food and the budget carefully enough so that he won't. So in reality the only times he gets to try new foods is when we make something for me and DH to eat and we make a small portion for him as a taster. And I have been known to make him a full portion of something new and then eat it myself if he didn't like it, although usually he puts BBQ sauce on everything which makes it inedible.

I can't afford to keep providing new and interesting foods with no guarantee of success. I can't afford to keep infinite backup meals on offer. I won't punish him for something he can't help (not liking a food).

I don't serve my DH food that I know he hates so why would I make my child eat it?

OP clearly the parents are at fault in my niece's case (ice lolly example) but she's now been labelled as a fussy eater, which is catered for by allowing treats in place of meals, she's actually not a fussy eater, she's just a child who knows how to play her parents to her advantage.