to wonder if my boss has Aspergers?

[Katiep10]

I work for a smallish company - about 100 people in an open plan office. The long and short of it is that she drives people insane and has quite a complex personality and i wonder if there is more to it though.

She is late forties and has never been in a long term relationship despite talking a lot about how much she would like one. She is, however, extremely picky and is often very rude about people's appearances so I wonder if this has something to do with in in a small way. She is a bit of a joke in the office and once she engages you in conversation it is impossible to get away, sometimes she can talk (about absolutely nothing) for as long as 30 mins without drawing breath or noticing that the other person hasn't said a word. Her conversation is painfully dull (never known anything like it). She can often be very blunt and rude to people and quite frankly, leave you open-mouthed at the things she comes out with. She is quite draining to be with every day, 5 days a week because she is extremely intense, and no matter how hard i try, i just cannot ever seem to have just a normal conversation with her because she gets over excited and dominates.

I have wondered on occasion if she may suffer from undiagnosed Aspergers. Although i feel sorry for her (and I do try to stick up for her when people take the p1ss) I am finding her behavious increasingly more exhausting and i leave work with my ears absolutely ringing to the extent that i consider leaving a job i love because her behaviour annoys me so much. Does anyone have any experience of this? Ultimately i wish she knew the impact she has on people and could in some way try to temper her behaviour as i do have enormous sympathy for her because she is quite a lonely character.

I think the OP could do with a strategy for dealing with her boss. If I wasn't so tired I'd come up with something.

maybe, maybe not. Who knows
She could have a condition that makes social skills and situations difficult for her or it could just be her?

I suppose if I am to take any positive from the OP it is that she is trying to consider the possibility that the ladies behaviour maybe somewhat outside of her control.
As a mother of a disabled child any increase awareness is a step in the right direction

'I have wondered on occasion if she may suffer from undiagnosed Aspergers'

The other point to consider is that she may have a diagnosis of AS. But she doesn't have to share that with anyone if she chooses not to.
The other problem is, what can the OP do about it?
Nothing much, she's your boss, not your peer or your friend or a professional she respects. In order to change behaviour, you need a relationship and understanding between the two adults involved, so that one will listen to and be guided by the other and vice versa.
Doesn't sound like that is a possibility either.

I am annoying and single and I don't have AS!

Your boss might have it. Might not. Might be diagnosed. Might not. Non professionals over the internet have no way of knowing. YANBU to wonder but YABU to look into it - what difference would it make either way?

Massive off thread and apologies if this is inappropriate but - how do you know to ask a professional if somebody has AS? I've seen the 'if you've met one person with aspergers you've met one person with aspergers' thing around quite a bit and find it really interesting. If there is so little commonality then how can you ever know if somebody has it and why is it even a thing? Doesn't it just mean that everybody is an individual? In school we used to children as 'classically aspergers' - now I'm thinking that doesn't mean anything and they are really just 'classically a child'?

Triad of impairment manic.
Got to score in all three sections for AS to be a possibility.

here you go:
www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education/educational-professionals-in-schools/breaking-down-barriers-to-learning/asperger-syndrome-the-triad-of-impairments.aspx

Manic the core deficits are the same (eg executive function is impaired) but how that manifests varies from person to person. Eg my daughter cannot follow a recipe as her head is all over the place and it overwealms her. I don't have this problem, I can follow it perfectly, except I can't as I can food shop as my head is all over the place and it overwealms me. Very different problems with the same root cause.

• I CAN'T food shop. Doh!

Thanks mothra and Westie. Very informative link mothra - me/my school have SO much to learn!

Primary or secondary manic?
DS was at a fantastic MS secondary, really understood the concept of parent partnership and tailoring support to the individual. Bit worried that you think your school has got a lot to learn, they should be up to speed.

mixture (private prep). The last thing we were told was not to use the term aspergers at all as it was being replaced with HFA! I presume that's totally wrong?!

We have a good SEN department but I think a lot of our classroom teaching is still rather too 'traditional public school' iyswim.

No, it's right, the dx is being replaced. AS is usually known as HFA in the States anyway. DS found traditional lessons much easier, as does DD.
It's all the wizz bang flash touchy-feely collaboration that gets them stressed.
Both out the system now and free to learn in their own style.

hi op

she could have AS, or she couldnt. it makes no difference really does it?

my ds has AS, i have traits, and a lot of his friends have it. I also embarked on police training with a woman who was dx within the 17 week training period - i spotted it because its so familiar i suppose -

but i dont understand why people cant just be kind to the lady in question regardless of AS or no.
being kind costs nothing.
if she was suddenly diagnosed tomorrow what difference would it make - people would still misunderstand and take the piss - so why not just gently try and point out the error of your workmates ways when they take the piss instead of trying to find a label - she is in her 40s, successful (she is boss right??) but lacking a little in people skills....why not try and help?
the woman who was dx on training was shunned horribly, i made a point of asking her to sit with me at lunch, we went for coffee together, and we stay in touch now. she is a little full on, but lovely actually and her heart is totally in the right place - she jsut didnt always appreciate the impact she had on other people - but neither do a lot of people.

why not just accept she is a little different and leave it at that if you cant befriend her?

people are so mean sometimes. it makes me so sad, my boy thinks he is doing fine and dandy at work and yet sometimes he comes home and says things and reading between the lines its clear her isnt - he has been asked why he walks funny (he bounces on his tip toes) and its clear that people take the piss.
it hurts.
he disclosed his AS to his boss and since then i feel they have been nit picking and looking for thing to pull him up on. he finds it hard to hold his own or even sense when people have it in for him.
i would love for him to have an ally at work.
i hope his office isnt similar to yours op but i fear it will be.

farting

That thread you linked to, the poster who made the AS comment did so due to the eye contact not any personality things,she even stated in her post that's what made her think that,
She's a poster with a decent history of challenging arm chair dx due to personality types and behaviour.

Lots of people are very aware that eye contact can be an issue for many people with asd

vicar

Did the police let her stay in?

I'm asking as I thought the police along with the mod were allowed to exempt people with certain disabilities from working for them and ASD is usually one of those disabilities

Glad your children are doing well Mothra And thanks again for the info.

sadly she didnt make the grade.
they made reasonable adjustments and she finished basic training with lots of additional support and an extra 2 weeks intensive training on top of the 17 weeks, but within a few months had come a complete cropper - she couldnt do the job. someone got badly hurt because she didnt know what to do so she was dismissed.
she is intelligent, but the job requires excellent people skills and split second decision making, she actually told a victim of burglary to move house....it wasnt long before complaints came in, .it was only going to go one way and it didnt take very long but at least she and the force tried their best.

she never did master handcuffs. in this job she was a liability waiting to happen - however she quickly got another job, and is doing well. she is actually lovely if a bit full on.

I hate this constant grandstanding about Asperger's. I AM MORE AWARE OF ASPERGER'S AND ITS IMPLICATIONS THAN THOU. Shut up, for God's sake.

The best way to be informed about it is to know a person who has a diagnosis. Do you know someone? Great, you have awareness that other people might lack! Go you. If you don't know anyone, then you pick up what you read in newspapers and on the telly. Some of that information is inaccurate. If that information is all you have to go on, then you will make misinformed statements.

And it's easy to be misinformed about it, because it's not a well-understood, or even a well-defined, neurological issue. Some parents are misinformed about it. Hell, some Aspies are misinformed about it. Hell, I'm probably bloody misinformed about it.

And if we're not able to have a civil discussion about it without some people exploding in paroxysms of 'you don't understand!!!' indignation, then that actually makes it worse for Aspies who want to be open about being an Aspie, because no-one will feel able to broach the topic without setting someone off.

So lay off the indignation. It helps nobody.

Obviously no-one can read the telly. Never mind.

I'm sick of the exaggeration about people showing hurt feelings.

"Grandstanding" "paroxysms".

"Bleating" is often used.

People worry about their kids. Don't belittle their feelings.

And no I hadnt even addressed the OP on this thread.

Oh Ffs. I can't be bothered to even type a scathing reply.

Perhaps posters are so fucking indignant because they're sick of the ignorance and assumptions made around so called "Aspies".

Meh, I'm too tired to get worked up, I've been up with DS2 since 1am and he's showing no signs of stopping yet. He's not 'Aspie' btw, he's 3 yrs old and has very severe Autism. He doesn't speak, has a severe developmental delay and a myriad of physical issues too.

Now I have to go wake up DS1 and start prepping him for his day. He's 9, and not 'Aspie' either. He does however, have high functioning Autism. Oh, and Tourettes Syndrome. He's an extremely polite very sensitive boy and would be so upset if he thought people automatically assumed him to be rude.

Perhaps people are indignant for a fairly good reason after all

X post with Fanjo, morning!

Morning! I have a non sleeper too. It is no fun.

needed.

It was me that lost it a bit. Having just come from another disability bashing thread written by the poster that got deleted here, and having dealt with another earlier in the day. But just so that you do know ( I have listed my experience above and I too am an Aspie) I write and deliver best practise training to schools and student doctors. I have a little experience and knowledge. I have absolutely no intention of putting up with remarks like the one highlighted in one of my earlier posts.

I've read this thread twice now to try and understand why posters have jumped on the OP.
I still don't get it.
Very odd.
She asked a perfectly civilised question.
And as for those people questioning why it would matter if she has AS!!! Well, of course it bloody matters. That's why a diagnosis is so important. So people with AS and the people who live and work with them can better understand what makes them tick and why they find social interaction difficult.