To be upset dp doesn't want to marry me

[bellabella10]

As background we've been together for 5 years and have an 18 month old together. When we first moved in together about a year into the relationship we would talk, possibly jokingly, about getting married and having kids at some point in the future. Our baby was a surprise although we love him so much.

Whenever i have brought up the subject in the past two years (not often) he just changes the topic. Last week i approached it head on (I want to change my name anyway so we all have the same surname old school) he said he doesn't want to get married and doesn't know why. I will change my name by deed poll i suppose but it still upsets me.

I didn't even want a big do (although i get a tiny bit jealous when i see my friends getting married) and would be happy going to the registry office with only a few close friends and family.I have a feeling is because he had family abroad but they do come over and we could have a small ceremony in both countries.

I don't understand this one point... If a partner/boyfriend can change his will without the girlfriend knowing, who is to say a married man can't do the same thing???

It's about knowledge and understand ramifications of your actions
There is. Provision one can make unmarried that offer protection. nok nomination card
And I must point out partner cohabitant can be medical nok.not solely family

Also, we had 'talks' for about the first two years where made it clear I wanted marriage. Even to the point where I said 'if I don't have a proposal after five years together I was leaving'. He said it was fine. Then after three years it was 'but am I that disposable that you'd leave over that. Is it just the marriage you want' and on the way to my cousins wedding he gave a very good argument as to why marriage is a) not much more than a piece of paper b) more for other ppl ie... The big day to celebrate it and to say to people look I'm married.

It sounds rubbish and I can't remember his points. But I found my only reply argument to be 'because it's what I want' be aide they were very good points. Obv today I've spoken about my life ins: he says it's our daughters not his. He doesn't want it. Medical nok: don't worry about these things

It was at my cousins wedding I lost pretty much all hope of marriage because I decided I really did want him regardless. I may have made him sound like a cunt, he isn't mostly nor am I some desperate submissive housewife longing for married life. I'm not too fussed. Our finances are reasonably separate, house together but both pay otherwise 50:50. I could get really insecure and think he does that so I can't claim rights to stuff but I'm sure it's fine

"I don't understand this one point... If a partner/boyfriend can change his will without the girlfriend knowing, who is to say a married man can't do the same thing???"

Anyone can change their will at any time. A married man could make a will leaving his wife out of it altogether, however a surviving spouse has a right to make a claim for 'reasonable provision' from the estate under the Inheritance Act. The right for an unmarried partner to make such a claim would be dependent on them being financially dependent on the deceased, which is a harder test to prove and would be a more complex (and usually, therefore, longer, more drawn-out and expensive) claim to bring.

An unmarried partner does not have any rights on intestacy. Their claim would be based on an Inheritance Act claim. They do not automatically receive anything, regardless of whether there are any living relatives.

So you've had the big talk.hes emphatic he won't marry you.hes been transparent
With that knowledge about his view on marriage you've still decided to cohabitate
So tbh,you've weighed up pro/con.id still advise ask he nominate you his nok

21.20 to evves

Afraid so, Chunderella - there is guidance on the CAB website with further details if you're interested. If you are not married, you would have to make a claim against the estate. As I said above, to make out a claim you would have to show that you were financially dependent on the deceased. This does not mean that you were mutually dependent - i.e. you can't claim to maintain a lifestyle that you enjoyed prior to the person's death - you must show, effectively, that you were dependent such that you would be destitute without provision. It is a difficult threshold to meet.
www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_death_and_wills_e/who_can_inherit_if_there_is_no_will___the_rules_of_intestacy.htm#h_who_cannot_inherit

www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm

OP I was in a relationship, fell pregnant and was persuaded by my then dp to get married. What I didn't know at the time was that my dp didn't want to get married or continue the relationship much further but was told by his very controlling mother to get married. She insisted so that she would have contact with her dgs which she felt would not be the case if he walked.

He didn't change his mind about not wanting to be married to me and went through the motions, having numerous affairs and demonstrating his lack of commitment in a number of ways until it all got too much and he left. I foolishly had believed the lies and thought although we were going through some difficulties that was part and parcel of having a young child (not being aware then of his womanising).

If your dp doesn't want to get married this is telling you something. Listen to this and decide whether it is him or being married that is more important to you. Forcing someone to get married is unlikely to end well.

If a partner declines to marry you need to hear the message.not cajole or hope they change mind

I was a solicitor for 8 years (plus 2 years' training), of which I spent 4 years doing wills & probate and I did the STEP exams.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm always confused when an unmarried mother lets her child take the fathers surname.

If I were in that position I'd certainly want my child to have my surname.

Point of information -in Scotland it is not possible to write your spouse / civil partner or children out of your will, unlike in England

Yes a lot of the info posted is country specific.different in scotland

If some women enact patriarchy and give things up,that's their look out.

Or maybe they give things up because they want to look after their children and think it is best for said children.

Legal contract which you can break at any time, with only the higher earner penalised.

Does that occur when the lower earner commits adultery? Seems unfair.

Nonetheless if a woman gives up career to be dependent on man,it's risky
Irrespective of how many others chose to do it.still risky
I don't see men scrambling to work pt as it's best for children

As so called best for children doesn't always equate to women giving up work

Scottish mummy, knob face DP isn't registered with a GP. I'm not sure I could still do this. His mum is HV. perhaps she knows