PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

well i do think your fil loves the power of his money and has enjoyed withdrawing it.

reality is you are now without a large chunk of income at an incredibly difficult time. that is so so shit. just remember that life isn't always going to be this tough, you will get through this time and beware of this man.

if he can do this to you now at the most awful time, he will do it again. best to not rely on him ever again.

Big assumption that the FIL has "enjoyed" withdrawing his money...

I feel for you OP but I can see it from your FIL's perspective too.

I think he has reached the end of his patience with your DH and feel this is the way to make him become independent. The clue is in his sister who has now become more independent.

I feel for you but it is his money and your DH even thinking of cutting him off if the money is no longer available would only confirm to him that you and your DH valued him based on his money only.

A better way of dealing with it is to thank him and his wife for their help so far, show him a real plan for independence and a timeframe for standing on your fit and plead for mercy. Good luck.

Wow how crazy that someone that has given thousands of his money away be described in such crazy terms. He has not just talked of giving money away, he has actually given them his money.

I am sympathetic to OP's predicament but even her non flattering description of FIL does not detract from the fact that he has been generous.

Somewhere in this thread she has said its in the UK.

Totally agree with takingthemickey. It does sound like SIL and her partner have used their support to become a lawyer and pilot, whilst OP's husband is studying for 'the qualification that cannot be named' and PIL have reached the end of their willingness to continue supporting them.

All that is very well, there could be many reasons why he has stopped, its the timing of it, the no warning...

Then calling a woman working three jobs whilst pregnant - living a life of entitled luxury that undermines all the FH arguments, and makes them sound bitter....

I always find it odd when in a grand flaming such as this there is one poster who defends the OP to the hilt the whole way through the thread (which has been hours and hours) even once the OP has left.

Hi OP, I haven't managed to read the while thread as it is so long!
I feel for you and think you've had an unfair pasting on here. It is unfair that you got no warning. Perhaps your FIL chose this time purposely to hit you hardest if he is annoyed about something?

Anyway, my main reason for replying is that we were in a similar situation with needing to get out of a lease or an expensive property in an expensive city - we were emigrating. We rented through an agency and they were fine about it, we had to pay to readvertise the place (think it was £250) but that was it. When I rang they had a stock answer for the process so I think they were used to it. Hopefully the agency you're with will be accommodating. It's in their interest really to make sure thu have someone in who can afford the rent.
Best of luck with everything, I personally am
amazed at the hours you are both putting in and hope everything works out ok x

Your dh earns LESS than minimum wage on £11k a year. This is just not true or right as it's ILLEGAL. You earn £9k per year for your FT job this is also ILLEGAL. Your dh would be better off working in a FACTORY.
You say you're not entitled to tax credits, no not when you're working so much now but if you gave up one of your jobs you would be...or do you mean you can't give any of your jobs up because you can't get tax credits maybe because of a previous overpayment?

So many people are questioning if you are telling the truth because so many things don't add up least of all these wages!! Your dh could earn more working in Tesco, because he's be guaranteed minimum wage there.

what I have been thinking

So many of the armchair detectives on this thread have made mistakes themselves in their comments. I think it's entirely possible to come across as confused when trying to obscure identifying details.

Applying Occam's Razor, is it more likely that the OP is posting about a real, stressful situation with some identifying details changed, or that the entire (lengthy and complicated) story has been made up?

I feel sorry for you OP. God there are some miserable, envious people out tonight....
Good luck - I hope you find a way of getting out of your current rental contract

Minimum wage is £6.19 per hour for 21+ year olds. This equates to annual earnings of £11265 (£10193 after tax) for someone working a 35 hour week; £12875 (£11288 after tax) for someone earning a 40 hour week; and £15450 (£13040 after tax) for someone working a 48 hour week.

So many of the armchair detectives on this thread have made mistakes themselves in their comments. I think it's entirely possible to come across as confused when trying to obscure identifying details.

If you're not going to at least make the majority of the pertinent facts true then there's no point in posting the thread in the first place as it all becomes irrelevant.

Op if you would like to pm me the reason why you think you couldn't get any benefits if you cut down your working then I'm happy to make sure you have correct info.

I also have a housing specialist who I can get to look into your contract if you want

never

It's £6.31 and has been since October

Wow you think its odd, that some one defends the pregnant working herself to the ground op but not strange the ones who still after op has gone carry on sticking the knives in... strange rationale there...beingagrownup

okey dokey.. sorry

Minimum wage is £6.31 per hour so ok on a 35 hour week as he works 9-5 everyday and he gets 1 hour taken off everyday for his breaks it's slightly over..about 11,500.
But this is why people are wondering what's going on as what sort of job is he doing that pays him that considering they are paying for career progression in accountancy he must be doing something in finance? On an hourly wage with 1 hour taken off each day for breaks??? The OP has said he works 9-5 everyday so a 35 hour week would mean that...
And she's earning 9k in her full time job? I'm sorry but I just do not understand.

OP, you sound like a couple to whom life just "happens" rather than being in any kind of control of your futures. You both appear to be in jobs that pay less than minimum wage. You don't appear to know what minimum wage is because you quoted the wrong amount. One of your jobs is on a self-employed basis, although from you have said it doesn't sound like genuine self-employment and I suspect is a wheeze so the bar owner doesn't have to pay your NI or any workplace benefits. Your dh is doing some kind of qualification but you don't know exactly what or what qualification it will lead to. You think he is paid so little because his company are sponsoring him to do his training but then talk about him having to pay back the company if he leaves before qualifying. Don't you know what the arrangement with the company is? Don't you want to make it your business to find out? Your dh cannot both be paying for his training through low wages and also have to pay back the training. You somehow manage to live in a city which is more expensive than London, in a flat which has a non-standard lease. Life just seems to jump up and hit you in the face.

I suspect your FIL looks in from outside and see all this and has just decided to play no further part in it. He has done it in a horrid fashion but even the most supportive parents would struggle to continue in a situation where you/your dh don't even seem to understand what it is that he is studying.

I'd rather play here. Wow. Fantastic pa display there. If it was directed at me then I was not sticking any knives in anyone. Merely expressing my opinion. Which I believe is what the op asked for. Do feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

OP - you received a flaming on here that's for sure. I've RTFT and you know YWBU, but that doesn't stop the situation you're in.

I'd get yourself across to the moneysavingexpert forums. There's a lot of helpful advice and money savvy people over there providing their view. Also get a statement of affairs done, it's all linked through their forum, it all has to start somewhere.

Good luck with the last part of pregnancy!