PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

Not sure there is anything constructive for you (or possibly anyone else) on this thread any more OP

But there never was angle.

This is MN.

self flaggilation

I'm not accusing the OP of being a troll, I'm pointing out, as have many others, the glaring inconsistencies in her tale of woe. If she is entitled to waste her day posting a tale of woe filled with glaring inconsistencies, I'm entitled to waste mine pointing them out. i would recommend you hiding the thread if it's bothering you.

sarah no, there aren't just now. Monday afternoons aren't the busiest time of day. I am leaving in 10 minutes anyway.

Oh, and I have been in the office but doing tasks for the manager while he covered the bar for me. Nothing that meant I can't MN as well, just some basic paperwork stuff. So I haven't totally skived.

I assume you aren't working either then sarah.

Fair point Rather!

On holiday, thanks for asking.

So I should hide the thread and ignore the OP because you cant stop being a bitch?

sarah

this thread has really got to you hasn't it!

Lucky you.

I haven't had a holiday in nearly 9 years, since my late parents took me and baby DS away.

What an entitled bitch I am though.

No. You have constantly provided information which doesn't add up.

Maybe it's so you won't be outed (possible, I have changed info myself in the past when posted) but tbh, some of what you've said is just ridiculous and does not add up.

For eg, my DH was in a minimum wage job. I knew exactly when it was increasing from £6.19 because it was important to know. How can you work x2 min wage jobs and not even know what wage you're on? Yet say things are tight? You worked out your annual income incorrectly. Again, I knew down to the last penny what DH was bringing home.

The hours you say you work just do not correspond with covering childcare and actually eating and sleeping!

Your DH is earning substantially lower than everyone is saying he should do (people who obviously know what they're talking about) so either a. it's bollocks or b. you are not being entirely truthful about how much you're earning (again, fair enough, but it doesn't add up)

And finally, now I read you're in a bar job. Bollocks that you can just sit in the toilet on mn! I've worked my fair share of min wage bar type jobs. No chance you would be able to do that. Plus, given I'm 7months pregnant, I know how tired I am (granted, have another baby at home) but still. No way would it be possible to even envisage working the amount of hours you claim to do when you're 8months pg. It's all too far fetched for me. Sorry. I can see why ppl are saying the 't' word. I'm just suspicious that all these details are complete rubbish.

A tenner per grandchild sounds pretty decent to me. That's more than my lot spend, and they're v kind.

How many grandchildren do the PILs have?

Denny, there have been any number of posters who have pointed out that the OPs story doesn't make much sense, and that it many ways she has herself come across as rather unpleasant. You are entitled to disagree, but now you're the one throwing insults around.

Sarah I'm not accusing the OP of being a troll, of course you're not

Fil is tight, but was been giving you 6000 a year?
And the same to his daughter?

You sound very grasping.

Errrr, holiday as in holiday from work, not a luxury break in the Carribean...

If OP is telling the truth you are spending your time repeatedly posting nasty posts to an 8month pregnant woman in a very bad financial situation who has come here for help and advice

^ THIS.

Thought I'd add as well, I'm currently working a bar shift where I have 2 customers and it's the busiest it's been all day. It's a Monday afternoon...

Op, you are entitled to 90% of your salary for 6 weeks maternity pay at least. You will be saving on travel costs too.

She's not sat on the toilet. If you want to point out all the little details that don't big add up, make sure you know some of the big details.

No matter what the details are, OP's income has gone down £500 a month without warning, she had no reason to think FIL would do this, she trusted when he said he would help until DH finished training, he meant it. How could it be more important to people to point out that the "details" don't add up than offer actual advice?

To be fair I shouldn't have posted you are being a bitch, I should have just thought it. I'm just staggered that you would want to spend your time being nasty to the OP, just do not get it at all.

OK. So your FIL is financially controlling (being generous in interpretation).

It might appeal to him if your DH sat down with him and a spreadsheet listing all your income and outgoings (discretionary and non-discretionary), after making any adjustments recommended by CAB/Shelter. And explained why the £500 is essential to your financial stability for the next 2 years and how he will repay FIL for all funds received from here on in over, say, 5 years. It would be worth having your employment contracts, payslips, rental agreement with him too.

That might just put your arrangement onto enough of a business footing for FIL to allow it to continue until DH qualifies?

morris one! And one on the way (who got a token xmas gift)

90% of our salary is 10% loss we can't afford.

Oh, and I am not sitting on the toilet. I am in the office. On my phone.

I don't think this is right as there are so many unrealistic parts BUT even if it is, OP doesn't need anything. She's just asking if she's BU for being pissed off. Aside from that, it is what it is, there is no actual advice that the OP couldn't work out for herself.

cinna We thought about this, and I was going to ask here if this was a good idea but I have been so flamed and told I am just spoilt and entitled so I figured begging him for help wasn't going to be the right thing to do.

OP, you've had a proper flaming on here and I am sure it is making you feel worse than you already do. Maybe you could leave the thread now and try some of the constructive suggestions that have been put forward. As others have suggested, try to get some advice on the lease. If you can't get help from the CAB, there may be a law centre in your city that provides free advice. Some of them have specialist housing/landlord and tenant clinics. Have a google and see if you can find anything. If you can sort that out you can look for a place in a cheaper area. Someone else asked whether you have spoken to your own parents - you may not have answered as you don't want to reveal details, but that must be another avenue worth pursuing if it hasn't already been closed off. And it might be worth letting things between your husband and PIL calm down over the next week or so, writing down a rational case explaining why you really need some help to tide you over the next few months, and then going to your FIL and explaining the situation. Perhaps try to meet them both together?

FWIW, I do understand why your husband is upset that the money has been stopped with no warning, given the understanding you have said you had, but I don't think it will help anyone in the long run if he abandons his relationship with his father over it.