AIBU re pain relief in childbirth?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Just been for my booking in appointment at the hospital and one of the questions related to my first labour with ds. They asked what pain relief I had and I said 'oh everything. pethidine, gas & air and then an epidural' to which the midwife replied "oh aren't you the greedy one"

I found my first labour horrendous - nowhere near as bad as some of the horror stories I've read on here - but I hated every second of it. ds was back-to-back and I didn't cope with the pain at all well. After failing to progress I was prepped for c section and ended up delivering in theatre via ventouse.

I am terrified of giving birth again and am counting on an epidural to get me through. But attitudes like this really scare me because it feels like pain relief is not as forthcoming as it should be.

This hospital has a reputation for completely natural births so I'm thinking maybe I should switch to somewhere that is more likely to give me the drugs I know I will need.

AIBU to be annoyed by the midwife's comment? Am I overreacting by thinking of switching hospitals?

I think the mw was just trying to be nice and a bit sociable. I'd go into every labour with an open mind because it will probably be different from your first:

I had a crappy first labour. I was induced and the painful contractions just came out of nowhere with the drip so was screaming and totally out of it. I ended up with an epidural and mostly slept through until dd was born. I ripped. It was horrible.

Second and third I did it with just gas and air. Second labour I didn't even use gas and air during stage 2, and I'm one of those people who really recommends an epidural and pain relief to everyone. I just didnt need the big ones after birth 1.

Well bully for you LifeIsABoxOfChocs. I am happy and content with my life thanks but -heaven forbid- rather apprehensive about childbirth given my horrible experience first time round.

The midwife was lovely in all other respects so i probably am overreacting to her comment.

Then I think she was making a joke and you are sensitive to the joke..because you are so scared of not getting the epidural.

Have you thought about hypnobirthing? It sounds a bit woo but tbh it really relaxes you for labor . The reason I suggest it is even if this hospital do offer epidurals (and I do think you should research how often they are given on demand) there is always a possibility of it

1.) not working (I know lots of people that this happened to, even after it working for one labor)

2.) you going too quick to receive one.

3.) anesthesiologist being busy in an emergency and you not getting one.

I've heard good things about hypobirthing so I think I will give it a try, thanks. To be honest I would try almost anything to help get me through!

Lifeisaboxofchocs, people don't become anxious for no reason. PTSD isn't something you choose to have. Nor is more mild anxiety. Its a MEDICAL condition, just as much as having high blood pressure or diabetes. It should be treated correctly when symptoms present themselves. Asking for pain relief months before giving birth, is a pretty big clue that someone is anxious or may have more serious issues.

The midwife in question was being unprofessional in making the remark and not following up the concerns of a patient. You are extremely ignorant and very insensitive.

NB and I eventually ended up with a traumatic emergency forceps delivery, mainly due to cord compression, but I was exhausted by pushing for a long time and this wasn't helped by having had involuntary pushing from very early on because of the hypertonic contractions, and having spent most of the (very fast) labour in shock and pain on my own in the dining room of the antenatal ward in the middle of the night. The dismissive attitude of the midwives, and being left on my own, after pleading with them to recognise that I was in labour and that I knew something was going wrong and the contractions were too strong (and not being listened to), I wonder how much that affected the progress of the labour and thus the emergency intervention at the end.

I'm a knowledgeable and articulate person who often deals with medical environments, but a labouring woman is uniquely vulnerable in that situation and I was in genuine shock and deep terror at the experience - the midwife who told me I wasn't in labour put me in a bath and left me there alone despite me asking her not to (I started to push in the bath and couldn't reach the emergency cord for help) - oh and when I kept saying the contractions were too strong and there was something wrong, she said in a patronising tone, "did no-one tell you it would be painful, dear?"

Sadly poor birthing support is sadly all too common in UK hospitals. You are not wrong to be worried about your hospital's attitude. The hospital I was at has a very good clinical reputation but a very bad word-of-mouth reputation of patient experience. Poor birth support is not helped either by management and supervisors closing ranks. The obstetricians were clearly raising their eyebrows at the time about the lack of notes and observations during my labour, and both the consultant and the birth debrief midwife partially acknowledged that the induction and labour had been mismanaged, but were careful not to tell me the name of the particularly bad midwife when I indicated that I was considering making a formal complaint to PALS. I do hope that my comments were fed back to their management practice, but I doubt it.

I don't believe that epidurals should be able to be 'ordered' before the birth. I personally feel that they should be a last-resort.

There is a lot of evidence that epidurals slow down natural labour and a higher instance of those where an epidural is used resulting in an extended labour/assisted delivery/c section.

It's often not the easier option at all.

Hmmmm as far as I can tell, the op said 'oh I had everything' to which the midwife responded jokily.

When was ptsd or one mentioned?

The DINING ROOM train ffs!! Yours (and Bogey's and others) is one of the 'horror stories' I refer to in my op and I know my experience pales by comparison. Poor you

I'd switch hospitals.

The issue isn't necessarily whether you have pain relief in the end though and thats the misconception. The fear prior to birth is more whether it will be available SHOULD YOU FEEL YOU NEED IT and whether you will be listened to and supported properly. I do think that there is a fundamental gap in understanding between what requesting an ELCS or pain relief months before giving birth is actually about. Often it is more about a poor previous experience or a fear of not being in control of the situation which potentially can be solved by support (throughout pregnancy and birth) as much as by actually 'putting in an order' for intervention. For some people it will be the right action though too. The need to explore why someone is asking for that, is more to the point.

Sing I'm not ordering one in advance but I want to know that IF I need one on the day it will be freely available. I'm keeping an open mind and hopefully second time round will be easier/better but if it's not then I know I will need an epidural to survive that level of pain.

Thank you Red, better put!

I desperately wanted an early epidural for DC2 after DD (hours of useless pushing, dropping heart rate, malpresented, spinal, forceps, SCBU) but by the time I got to hospital with DS, 4cm dilated I didn't want one. So I stayed on the midwife led unit and he basically slid out a couple of hours later, without even realising I was ready to push. So do push for notes on your records (I had one from my consultant saying I wasn't to push for more than an hour after the six hour hell of DD) making clear your requirements, but it may be an incredibly different experience for you.

I know you need to feel reassured about pain relief so you should have another talk to them at the hospital soon on this topic. By way of reassurance I'd say that i had nearly 24 hours of agony with DS 1 butnothing much more than moderate discomfort second time around 3 years later. There are lots of threads on here where people hadlong and difficult first labours and short and straighforward second births, so you may be in for a very pleasant surprise.

Yes in retrospect it could even be funny (midwife put me in there because there were some birthing balls in there and I was bent over and howling, and this was waking up the other women on the antenatal ward - possibly a signal that I was actually in labour despite her telling me I wasn't!) The hospital did order a PTSD assessment pretty quickly - on the consultant's advice, and probably to cover their own backs). I didn't end up with PTSD (thank goodness), but the attitude of that midwife and labouring in fear on my own and not being listened to was far more traumatic than the emergency forceps delivery - unsurprisingly in many ways.

Sorry to hijack your thread OP - I am sure your birth will go well! But I think you should never be afraid to be assertive about what you want out of labour and women should have the right to request pain relief and to receive support in labour without fear of bullying or belittling.

Oh and thank you Mogwai

Lifeisaboxofchocs, no one did mention PTSD but it is more common than people realise. It is the extreme end of the anxiety scale, but even less serious trauma from a previous birth can be distressing. You comment completely belittled and dismissed how the OP is feeling. If you are anxious, being taken seriously and having your concerns listened to respected and then reassured is essential. Telling someone to just 'get on with it and stop being pathetic' is totally the wrong approach as it just means someone feels unable to express their concerns. Instead it means they end up more anxious as they bottle things up.

It's not funny it's bloody outrageous. Thank god you and your dc were ok

Also keep in mind that MANY women have really shit first labors but your second is usually much easier. Try and keep it in mind.

I didn't have anything but gas and air with either of my labours but not through any kind of bravado... because I didn't need them. I was very lucky!
I would happily use them if it had hurt more though.

I'm a real believer in the fact that people can have a good birth - but I do think it's kind of down to luck! I was lucky - hopefully you will be next time too. Plus - second births are easier.

Agree with lots of people saying you may well be in for a pleasant (if giving birth can be described as pleasant) surprise with number 2.

Ds1 - 8 failed inductions (pre eclampsia), then successful induction. 16 hours labour, 4 hours pushing, very nearly a CSec but had ventouse delivery at the last minute. Haemorrhaged and had two blood transfusions and was stuck in hospital for 4 days. Ds1's head was horrifically misshapen because he had been back to back, but no one noticed and the ventouse had been on the wrong area of his head. It took about a week for his head to look 'normal'.

Ds2 - induction, again. Went in and had a pessary at 12pm. Had lunch, had a nap. Had dinner at 6pm and dh brought ds1 to visit at 6.30. Around 7pm starting having mild period cramps, so dh took ds1 home and came back. 7.30pm was definitely in full blown labour but I was up and walking around, no pain relief and pain was very manageable.
8pm they checked me and I was 5cm so went up to the labour ward. 8.30pm I was still 5cm and it was starting to get painful so had gas and air. Dh phoned my mum at this point and said i'd probably still be another few hours so no need to rush in.

9.10 I felt an urge to push...they checked me and i'd gone from 5 to 10cm in half an hour. 4 minutes of pushing, 9.15pm ds2 arrived. I had no after problems, was home the next day.

I completely believe that a lot of the problems I experienced first time round was due to the epidural (which I was instructed to have due to being induced, not offered). Flat on my back, delaying the labour. No idea of what they meant by 'push'. I didn't know what the urge to push felt like until ds2.

You are extremely ignorant and very insensitive

lets just pray she isnt a MW

The most important thing is that can feel confident about the birth. After your experience I would want to know that I could have all the help I needed.