AIBU re pain relief in childbirth?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Just been for my booking in appointment at the hospital and one of the questions related to my first labour with ds. They asked what pain relief I had and I said 'oh everything. pethidine, gas & air and then an epidural' to which the midwife replied "oh aren't you the greedy one"

I found my first labour horrendous - nowhere near as bad as some of the horror stories I've read on here - but I hated every second of it. ds was back-to-back and I didn't cope with the pain at all well. After failing to progress I was prepped for c section and ended up delivering in theatre via ventouse.

I am terrified of giving birth again and am counting on an epidural to get me through. But attitudes like this really scare me because it feels like pain relief is not as forthcoming as it should be.

This hospital has a reputation for completely natural births so I'm thinking maybe I should switch to somewhere that is more likely to give me the drugs I know I will need.

AIBU to be annoyed by the midwife's comment? Am I overreacting by thinking of switching hospitals?

[Bogeyface]

Our bodies are built for labour

Not anymore they're not. Thanks to evolution our bodies are now nowhere near as efficient as they were when we were closer to apes than we are now.

and thousands of women manage it without pain releif every day.

Which is wrong if they would like to have pain relief but have no access to it. Thousands of women also die in childbirth in areas of the world with no proper medical system, that doesnt make it right.

[GingerMaman]

YANBU. It's your choice to have pain killers. I only used gas and air but next time I'm defo going for an epi. There's no point trying to be a saint. I was painkillers for a month post birth due to mastitis so I should have just taken an epi.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

I thought labour was hideous. It was excruciatingly painful. I was begging for an epidural and was told I didn't need one as I was doing so well. Gas and air did fuck all and the pool just slowed my labour down so I had to get out.

I'm terrified of giving birth again. Also not helping was that my placenta wouldn't deliver and I haemorrhaged, it was awful.

I'm really scared of the pain and I've told DH I'm having an epidural. I've done it once naturally, this time I'm having all the pain relief I bloody well ask for!

I don't get why it's ok to be in pain, and I'm worried my mw won't take my fears seriously.

[pianodoodle]

Does Paracetemol even make a difference? I know for each of mine when I've phoned to let them know I'm in early labour etc... they suggest it, but as far as I'm concerned you may as well eat smarties.

Same goes for the TENS machine. That got flung across the floor after half an hour with my first labour as is currently gathering dust in a cupboard somewhere... stupid thing

[NearTheWindmill]

I dont think you are being at all unreasonable and I don't think such a comment should just be brushed as a "joke". A midwife is supposed to be highly trained professional responsible for the clinical and emotional care of women when they are their most vulnerable.

You are entitled to the pain relief you would like when giving birth and taking into account your previous experience I would have thought any midwife worth her salt would realise that previous experiences colour future ones and that it should be the midwife's role to reassure and encourage her patient.

FWIW OP I had a posterior labour and it was horrendous. G&A made me sick, pethidine was vile, they left me on a public ward for hours and eventually I got an epidural after the bitch first midwife went off duty (the one who laughed at the end of the bed and said "if this is what you're like at 1/2 cm God help you later on"). It was a bit of a comedy of errors from start to finish and I shall never ever forget the pain.

With dd I had consultant led care and made it very clear that I would not be treated like that again. dd was induced and they agreed to give me an epidural before they put up the syntocynon drip. As things worked out before they got the drip up the contractions started and dd arrived 90 minutes later. I had a bit of G&A and at no time with an anterior baby, who was 1.5lb heavier than the first was the pain anything like it was with ds.

A bad first labour doesn't mean the rest will be bad, but I sincerely believe that every labour is better if it is properly managed by kind and competent carers who put women at their ease to the extent that women are confident of their care.

[WhatAFeline]

My labour and birth was the same as yours, OP except forceps not ventouse.

I'd be annoyed by that comment.

I also HATE the term, " failure to progress" when I saw this on my notes, I felt that somehow I had failed.

[pianodoodle]

I'm really scared of the pain and I've told DH I'm having an epidural. I've done it once naturally, this time I'm having all the pain relief I bloody well ask for

You'll still have done it naturally anyway no matter how much pain relief you have - you'll still have given birth :)

[MrsCakesPremonition]

Your reply of "everything" sounds like you might have said it with a smile. It sounds like she tried to match your tone with a joke.

[hackmum]

People say the midwife didn't intend it maliciously, but how do they know if they weren't there?

I agree 100% with NearTheWindmill - a bit less judgement and a bit more sympathy would go a long way with some midwives.

[Megrim]

Have a t-shirt made up saying "Give Me ALL The Drugs".

Wish I had done that with DS1 - all I got offered was paracetamol

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

I accept that she wasn't being mean, I'm just worried that her comment is indicative of the hospital/midwives whole approach to pain relief.

My birth plan with ds just said "whatever is necessary to deliver a healthy baby. Open to all forms of pain relief". I was requesting an epi from the moment I arrived (in active labour) but it wasn't until a doctor actually examined me 10 hours later that ds was found to be back-to-back and I got one.

I really appreciate everyone sharing their birth experiences - esp those who had it easier second time round! I just need to know that pain relief will be available because I simply can't face the prospect of that level of pain again. If, on the day, I don't need it then fantastic but mentally I can't go into it without the option.

Dh knows how I feel but I'm worried he's not assertive enough to get me the drugs I need. He's v caring, polite and softly spoken. Great in a husband, not so much in a birthing partner!

[formerbabe]

I was induced with my first baby and not given an epidural. As it was my first, I thought the pain I was in was normal. It was not. My second baby was not induced and I now know that the pain with my first was much, much worse.

I wish I had the courage the first time round to ask for an epidural.

[NearTheWindmill]

Midwife supervisor appointment should be a help. If you think it will help you write down your experience beforehand so you don't forget the important bits. Also write down the things you want to avoid this time and ask her what the hospital can do to ensure that the same things don't happen again.

Something I did was to ask to be examined by a registrar after I was admitted to double check the baby's position. Everyone says a midwife can tell but they all missed it when ds was born and when the registrar appeared at the end he said "oh yes, I remember seeing you in clinic last week and your baby was posterior - that explains the problems - you had four weeks to go so I thought I wouldn't worry you". Funny how neither of the midwives noticed or explained that was why I was in so much pain.

[meganorks]

I think you are over thinking it. It just sounds like a jokey comment to me. Particularly as you said 'oh everything....'. I wouldn't take offence at all.

[Bogglescrabblechess]

Plan to have access to drugs but play it by ear. My labours were so different! It was true for me (and most my friends)that the second labor was shorter and easier.

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Thank you NearTheWindmill, I will definitely do that and fingers crossed I have a better second delivery like you!

[FryOneFatManic]

I find it stupid that in this day and age, women get fobbed off in childbirth when asking for pain relief, when in any other medical situation, eg broken leg, they'd be given it without any fuss.

Pain is pain, whatever the cause. It is not somehow less just because you are giving birth, and people should also remember that people have different pain thresholds.

I have a high threshold, and also tend to internalise pain, so you could very easily mistakenly believe I was not in pain. I remember asking for pain relief, to be told that I was quite clearly not in pain. She got a very pointed lecture, with no swearing, that really got the point across, but it was apparently too late. DS arrived without pain relief, not even G&A (cos I somehow just couldn't get the hang of it).

And yet people compliment me on doing it without drugs, like it's some sort of good thing. I think it's stupid and women should be given the relief they need.

[bochead]

I got one paracetamol for a 36 hour labour in hospital.

Never again.

I'd see what other locations were available to give birth at, and tell anyone who asked why!

[Chesntoots]

I don't have children and don't plan on ever having them, but I find it disgusting that women are not given the pain relief that they need.

Nobody goes to the dentist and has a route canal with no pain relief, so why they expect a woman to push something the size of a babies head out of something a great deal smaller with just paracetamol is beyond me.

I find it quite sad that there seem to be some health professionals who have such a disregard for the distress that their patients are suffering (though I hear that there are some lovely ones too..)

[whatareyoueventalkingabout]

i think people make shitty stupid comments all the time without thinking about how they will affect people. I don't think YABU at all. Greedy is a horrible word to use about pain relief as it implies that you had more than your fair share. She should watch her mouth and try and be a little bit more sensitive and a bit less of a massive dickhead

[OhMerGerd]

Lol... I had all that too Dd1 and repeat again Dd2. I have a high pain threshold but horrendous and complicated labours.
Throw away comments can be the product of underlying prejudices... And undermine your confidence during a difficult labour.
I'd have a quiet word , now,while you're not compromised by pain to let all know your wishes. Have them write them down so your birth partner can refer to them during the critical moments.

[Snowdown]

Yanbu. I had a midwife decide I'd had enough pain relief post c section with 2 ops and a massive bleed, even though I was in fucking agony - my obstetrician was appalled by her lack of care and appointed a lovely German anaesthetist to look after my pain relief - his opinion was that the stiff upper lip approach to pain relief was barbaric. I found midwives treated me like a piece of meat. If I was to do it again I'd shout a bit louder and not take no for an answer.

[Bodicea]

No yanbu. I hate this attitudes parades pain relief.
I found the only way to get pain relief was to beg plead and stamp my feet every step of the way. Even then it always took them longer than they said it would be. They made me feel bad about it and left me with distended bladder for 12 hours in the early stages. I was traumatised by it. I am having a csection next time for that reason ( as well as third degree tear)

[nirishma]

You poor thing I also had a back to back labour and was threatened with the dreaded ventouse but the sods wouldn't let me come in as, funnily enough, my contractions weren't regular enough. They then helpfully told me if they'd known early enough the position of my daughter I would have been offered a c-section.

I had diamorphine and it was bliss. It let me lie on my back without intense pain for the first time in four days so I could have a doze prior to pushing. The midwife told me that nobody gets a medal for rejecting pain relief. I could have kissed her. That was Bassetlaw in Nottinghamshire. The midwives are fantastic there (not sure where you live?).

I found the most effective pain relief for back labour was warm water so if you do have to stick with this hospital couldn't you call up early on and ask them to get the birthing pool ready for you? I didn't ever intend to use it for the pushing, it was just to get me through the dilating contractions. In my area you can't book the pool and it doesn't even have to be in your birth plan. It's first come first serve.

Good luck!