AIBU re pain relief in childbirth?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Just been for my booking in appointment at the hospital and one of the questions related to my first labour with ds. They asked what pain relief I had and I said 'oh everything. pethidine, gas & air and then an epidural' to which the midwife replied "oh aren't you the greedy one"

I found my first labour horrendous - nowhere near as bad as some of the horror stories I've read on here - but I hated every second of it. ds was back-to-back and I didn't cope with the pain at all well. After failing to progress I was prepped for c section and ended up delivering in theatre via ventouse.

I am terrified of giving birth again and am counting on an epidural to get me through. But attitudes like this really scare me because it feels like pain relief is not as forthcoming as it should be.

This hospital has a reputation for completely natural births so I'm thinking maybe I should switch to somewhere that is more likely to give me the drugs I know I will need.

AIBU to be annoyed by the midwife's comment? Am I overreacting by thinking of switching hospitals?

I don't understand why women aren't given whatever pain relief they feel they need.
It has put me right off having another baby.
1st DC, I begged for an epidural. I didn't get one because apparently I was doing really well, there wasn't an anaesthetist available yet, MW's were going for lunch etc, then of course it was too late.
2nd DC and I decided I was definitely going to have an epidural no matter what.
I explained to anyone who would listen at the hospital as well as my GP that I needed an epidural.
I even had an appointment with the anaesthetist while I was pregnant to ensure I would be able to have an epidural.
Lo and behold, no one was available to administer one when I was in labour, the Dr would be along shortly, I was doing so well blah blah blah.

Result. . no epidural, again.

This seems to be a common theme. How I could have guaranteed an epidural is beyond me, anymore than what I did to try to get one, without success. Pay private?

For my final pg I stopped writing barrister for DH's occupation and wrote litigation lawyer. I actually watched the consultant raise his eyebrows as his eyes scanned my notes. And then he said something like "I see we need to make sure we take care of you".

Disgusting really.

I actually thinkjokey or not that comment says lots don't you> when her job is dealing with women in such pain its like millions of bones all getting broken at once AND goes beyond the natural pain threshold.

It shows a lack of sensitivity and awareness about the very crux of her job.

Bad fucking joke.

Op my first was also back to back....not that anyone told me at the time, just some vague ref to her head coming out at a funny angle, I was denied an epidural too.

Second time round, my goodness, what a learning curve! Thankfully I got an ELC as I didn't trust the hospital, the MW or my body.

I was left traumatised by the first birth for four years. I kept going over the details. I don't even think about the operation though.

I think MW some of them are in positions of power...watching women in the worst pain and fear of their lives, begging for relief knowing full well their hospital has a secret policy to deny it...and so on.

As some one who suffered birth trauma, that sort of joke is like a red rag to a bull to me, and not someone I would be putting faith or trust in.

BTW its fabulous that some ladies are able to pop babies out like peas, but whilst your hips are broad and built for child birth, are your brains also able to expand a little and remember that for some, labour and birth is a life and death experience and can be horrific.

Oh and fwiw I also don't agree with the broken leg analogy. I broke my leg and had to have the fracture reduced every week for six weeks as it wouldn't set. I didn't feel a thing but the doctors told me I should have been screaming or swearing at them while my leg was being manipulated. I had no pain relief.

Back labour was agony and it was a natural force - my own body - that was manipulating my birth canal. I would happily break my leg every week than go through that pain again.

Born to do it and therefore put up with the pain? Wise up.

Good luck OP, come up north if you need to, we are much friendlier up here :)

littlemisssarcastic

I really really hope you complained to PALS about this, its disgusting.
I had an appointment with head MW trying to reassure me about epidural etc and I said " can you guarantee it".

She couldnt even guarantee I wuold get into the hospital if I was in labour, as they shut their doors so often, let alone give me an epidural.

ELC it was!

"Poor maternal effort" = mum forced on her back, legs in stirrups, unable to push uphill.

"Declined pain relief" = MW couldn't be bothered to contact anaesthetist.

"Baby in distress" = Junior doctor wants to practice ventouse.

"Failure to progress" = failure to wait.

I rather hate it when the MW comes out with "you can't have pain relief because you're doing so well"

Can you imagine them saying that to someone with a broken leg? "You're' doing so well we don't think you need any pain relief"? Of course, they wouldn't dare do that.

YANBU to consider changing hospitals.
Her throw-away comment was thoughtless and judgemental but without realising it/ intent.
I'm sure most hospitals are similar in encouraging 'natural' cb.
My first was born without anything. Refused. Said I wasn't in established labour. Then came in 9 mins before DS came out. You're through main artery, stitches for 1h 20m. Saw nunny nurse last week who thinks baby tore through nerve during labour. I went into shock during that labour. Couldn't feel a thing. Ended up in counselling for over a year.
Second time, saved every penny, went private just for labour only.
Best bucks I ever did spend. Was in shock for having had a positive labour. Epidural.
Why walk up a mountain if an airbus is going that way? Not suggesting you should go privately and know not everyone will b able to, but so v thankful that I did.

Op we can be greedy together, in labour I had pretty much everything going

Fwiw she was out of order saying that to u, I had back to back with second and its no fun at all

I had Poor maternal effort on my notes after DS1 and I never did know what it meant. But I was 17, concealed pregnancy, no more idea how to birth a child than how to split the atom, put on my back, told not to move and given an epidural without being asked if I wanted one or being told what it was.

Turns out it was my fault that DS was a slow to deliver and got starved of oxygen that gave him brain damage :(

I chose to go painkiller-free both times because I had a ghastly reaction to pethidine after a kidney operation, and I've had horrid reactions to other medications in the past. I fear side-effects from drugs far more than I fear labour pain, but everyone is different, and I don't understand why women can't choose without judgment from medical practitioners (or indeed other women).

pianodoodle

panicked when I had to move rooms to the one with the pool because it meant I might have to go two minutes without it.I made them time it so the second one contraction finished They could wrap me in a towel and I could run up the hall, jump into the pool and grab the gas and air again before the next one started grin

This just shows how different women cope with pain, I also hoped for the birth pool and before I went into labour, I was worried it wouldnt be available.

Guess what, I was lucky the birth pool, right by my room was free. Shame I couldn't get into it. I couldn't even move a leg, there is no way on gods earth I was able to move that far, a few steps. The most I could manage with lots of help and build up was from chair to bed. The MW kept telling me it was free and to try and get there. Just shows a massive gap in understanding, pain threshold.

I dont think you are being at all unreasonable and I don't think such a comment should just be brushed as a "joke". A midwife is supposed to be highly trained professional responsible for the clinical and emotional care of women when they are their most vulnerable

^ this.

there was an "expose" thread in CB a while ago where some how access to MW forum was exposed...they held women begging for help in quite contempt.

I was terrified second time around. Told them why at the hospital, the MW was great, did I not have epi but that because got there too late. Tell MW you were terrified last time, you felt unsupported and you are scared of it happening again. The last thing they want is a panicked labouring woman,

My midwife (who is lovely) actually explained to me the medical reasons for why back-to-back labours are so horrible. I've been lucky and not had one, but she was clear that women who do are in a lot more pain and need a lot more pain relief as a result. That was her word - "need". Apparently it's not just the angle, the hormones and blood flow affect the cervix as it effaces or something (can't remember the exact explanation) and then the baby presents awkwardly in the birth canal, too. She was really clear that it takes a lot more out of you to deliver a baby that presents that way.

I'm sure your midwife meant well but it was a stupid joke to make, in the circumstances.

I also think labour is LUCK. No more, no less.

My mother had easy labours. I have easy labours. If I didn't, I'd be bloody well screaming for an epidural. I had an ectopic a couple of years ago and the pain was literally unbearable - I needed morphine every 20 minutes at one point, and cried even so when they removed the gas and air on the grounds they needed to keep tabs on my pain levels. It was unspeakable. If I'd had that in labour damn right I'd have wanted an epidural. I also need more pain relief than most for dentistry - I can't cope with the pain at all well and the usual doses don't numb me that much.

It really bugs me that there is this attitude that how well a woman is in labour is down to moral fibre or courage. It's just bullshit. Having babies doesn't hurt me very much. Toothache is devastating. I don't think either says anything about me as a person, and the notion that it does is mediaeval.

This hospital has a reputation for completely natural births

Switch hospitals.

DC1 epidural ventouse gas and air for stitching threw up
DC2 epidural ventouse
DC3 nothing

Switch hospitals and whoever said 'our bodies are built for labour' just might want to explain that to my broken vagina and rectum

I too think mw comment was completely out if order.
I am surprised that more people don't speak sternly, whilst in labour. Politely but firmly.
I am surprised that more people don't lose their cool and composure, when pushed to the limit if their own pain threshold, and threaten to... I don't know, sue them !!!!

I think you need to speak to your husband again. Polite as he is. And tell him that this one time, he will need to be firm , and not take no for an answer.

YABU in both instances. She was just being flippant. In life, people don't always respond the exact way we'd hope or expect, and it's a huge waste of time and energy to go round being offended every time that happens. And changing your hospital because of it? Please.

Have just read the thread (sorry, it's early) and reread your first post properly and I understand more where you're coming from now. Sorry for being harsh. Best of luck for your labour this time round.

EmmaBemma I didn't say I was offended. I said I was annoyed, and in the context of this hospitals reputation for natural drug free births and my own personal experience at the hospital it had worried me.

To my northern friends, I'm actually in London so don't think I can switch to your lovely friendly hospitals unfortunately!

Crossed posts

I'm sure she was being jokey. I had a horrendous back to back delivery with first baby, then two normal deliveries under two hours each. It's harder the first time as you don't know what to expect- can you change your midwife?

We're not allocated a specific midwife so I'm not worried about that. More that it's a general view held by the hospital/staff.

I will look into private care options but I'm pretty sure we couldn't afford it and my (limited) understanding is that it doesn't guarantee you an anaesthetist anyway?

perfect storm - there is an element of luck involved, but birth outcomes aren't JUST about luck. How you are cared for and where you have your baby can have a really big impact on the likelihood of you getting through the birth with your womb and your vagina uninjured.

OP - just ask repeatedly and clearly for an Epi as soon as you're admitted. Ask the midwife to document the request in your notes.