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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe

368 replies

Chocolateandcrisps · 15/02/2014 14:53

There is a lovely cafe in a church which we visit often. There is a little play area which my ds loves and reasonably priced lunches, cakes and a sandwich lunch deal for the kids.

Last week two people walked in with their kids, who were about 3 years old, ordered coffees for themselves and brought out a lunch box for the kids. They did not order cake, lunch etc for themselves - just coffee.

I have given my ds rice cakes, water from cup, snacks in cafes before but never taken out a lunch box.

Am I being unreasonable / judgy to think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe for your kids?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 18:36

Mmmm. Wombat sometimes it's great, sometimes not so.

CouthyMow · 15/02/2014 18:36

Even my local NHS kitchen is unable to cope with DS3's combination of food allergies. So when he is admitted to hospital, he has to have food brought from home. It helps that his Dad works there, so even if he's on leave for Ds3 being in hospital, he can go in and cook it for him, but we still have to bring in the physical products...

If even a hospital can't cater for him, what hope do restaurants or cafés have?

It's taken me three years to perfect a white sauce recipe for him FGS! I can now cook a lasagne, fish pie, fajitas, just about most meals for him. But I have all the time in the world to attempt to adjust recipes and try them out - a catering establishment doesn't.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2014 18:41

If the cafe are happy, then it's obviously not a problem.
I once saw a party of four evicted from Yo Sushi for sitting there scoffing McDonalds takeaways, though Smile. Not everyone has an actual reason for doing this; beyond laziness or penny pinching.

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 18:42

Pagwatch, of course it is up to each cafe. Some are genuinely not bothered by lunch boxes. Im sure many 'put up with it' because they need the money brought in from the sale of a few coffees. That's up to them. Others feel unhappy about it and put up signs asking people not to bring their own food in, but some people still do anyway.
The severe and multiple allergies thing is difficult. I can see that. And I would think that if people explained it to the owner, few would be awkward. Few of the people with lunch boxes though have these severe, complex allergies. Many cafes though these days are able to meet the needs of simple allergies. In the 20 years I have had coeliac disease, I have seen a huge change in what cafes provide. Most now have something for me. I would not take my own.

TBH, when I've been in cafes and seen people with lunch boxes, it has never even occurred to me to consider if it is right or not. It is only when I read the OPs post that I formed an opinion. No doubt, when I'm out and about again, I won't even notice people with lunch boxes. I find Mumsnet makes me develop theoretical opionions. Does anyone else find that happens too? In light of the fact, I really don't care much, but have posted for an hour on this thread, I think I'll give up now and do something with my real life! Enjoy your lunches everyone.

SirChenjin · 15/02/2014 18:46

Will do.

insearchoftheFlumFlumTree · 15/02/2014 18:47

Chocolate, this is non issue. If the café owner doesn't mind then why should you? In answer to your question of why it should be OK for a child to take their own food when adults can't, when my son is an adult he will be free to negotiate his own path; his decisions and the restrictions which he will have to live will all of his life will mainly impact on him. In the meantime, no café I have ever found will guarantee that his food will be free of the numerous cross contaminants which could trigger (and in the past have triggered) a major anaphylactic reaction. He is 3. If we were to avoid him ever visiting a café where he could not eat (i.e. all of them) this would significantly impact on my social life and that of my other children and husband. It's just not a compromise which I see as necessary when no café owners have ever minded (and some have even expressly welcomed me bringing food for him rather than asking for any assurances from them). We are already living with him having a life threatening condition: why would anyone want to make our lives harder (particularly when they have no valid reason to do so)?

Pagwatch, you are so much nicer than me Grin.

Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 18:51

Sure Chocolate , but ds2 isn't ceoliac. He can't have gluten or dairy or several other foods. Actually quite a long list of other foods.
So why can't me and his sister have a coffee and a cupcake ever just because of that?
I would never produce food for him without explaining but I have never yet had a cafe/restaurant have a problem with us.

Most cafes don't mind. If they do the they say so - just like cafe owning friend does.
Sitting in a cafe and fretting about other customers when no one else seems bothered just seems spectacularly self mportant

Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 18:52

Hahaha at x-post with inseachoftgeflumflum.

I'm really not. Grin

MrsOakenshield · 15/02/2014 18:55

it's fine for reasons of allergies and intolerances, though I still think the adults should have purchased food if the children were eating.

Fussy eaters only having chips? - well, what's the matter with that, unless you eat out for every meal. DD is veggie and only really likes plain food so yes, she sometimes just has chips - we make sure she has a better meal for tea, if that's the case. I wouldn't take a lunch box just because she can be a fusspot.

jacks365 · 15/02/2014 18:58

I know an adult coeliac who has frequently taken her own food just in case. She always explains first, McDonald's even toasted her bun once so she could have a burger. I've never yet come across a cafe which won't help in whatever way is best even if that means eating your own food.

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 19:03

Pagwatch, I agree it would be very self important, And I never have in RL only on here, in this post.
As I said in my previous post, MN makes me form theoretical opinions about issues raised, which I have not considered an issue in RL. There is always someone here with an extreme example, to justify anything. Parents with children with complex life threatening allergies and other major issues, I apologise if what I said suggested you should never go out. I was not thinking of your situation(but should have) but that of the majority with no allergies, few of whom have posted on here. In RL I don't notice any of them when I am in cafes and have never felt cross about lunchboxes. So I apologies for expressing a view I don't hold in real life.
Quick question to finish off with, as someone relatively new to MN (about a month) to Insearch, who said this whole thing is a non issue. Lots of things raised on MN are actually non issues. People respond all the time, because someone felt it was an issue enough, to post on it in the first place. Does that mean it is wrong to respond to the question. I have also decided that this is a non issue in RL (although in principle I feel MOST people shouldn't take their own food into cafes) Some posters feel it is a non issue, but the OP and others DO see it as an issue, so isn't it reasonable for people who feel that to post. They are simply answering the OP. Surely this is not wrong. Really am off now. No more from me.

Caitlin17 · 15/02/2014 19:06

Bloody cheeky and rude. If allergies were really the issue they should have asked if it would be pk.

Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 19:08

You know Chocolate, you don't have to keep signing off. You are not bothering anyone Grin

I don't have a problem with the op seeing it as an issue. But if she posts then she must expect dissent nd for people to tll her it's none of her business.
It's the nature of a chat site.
One person can post, another can explain the ways in which that post is either marvellous or utter bollocks.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 15/02/2014 19:09

ChocolateWombat

Welcome to Mumsnet Grin

hazeyjane · 15/02/2014 19:12

There is always someone here with an extreme example, to justify anything having a child with disabilities and an extremely limited diet isn't an extreme example, when it is your child!

Ds is beyond fussy by the way.

Limara · 15/02/2014 19:24

It's a storm in a teacup! Grin

Such a non issue isn't it, who really cares! Like self policing!
The voice is on, let's go! Wink

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/02/2014 19:34

I wish OP would come back and explain her objections to lunch boxes,(as obviously the food itself isnt the issue a she does that herself) theres clearly something i dont yet know to be snobby about and i must find out.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 15/02/2014 19:58

Is OP too scared to come back to her own thread?

Come on kid, be brave and front up Wink

hellokittymania · 15/02/2014 20:18

I am in central Vietnam and many places allow this, as long as you buy something.

Some people with SN, etc need special food. Be lucky your child doesn't. :)

HoneyDragon · 15/02/2014 20:27

Why can't I take food into a cafe, eh?

Costa etc do take out and EXPECT me to take their beverages and foodstuffs into my home.

Shocking hypocrisy if you asks me

sarahandduck · 15/02/2014 20:32

What's the difference between ordering coffee and ordering coffee and cake? I'm still taking a table, I'm still giving the cafe business.....and guess what, some people are capable of having a drink without actually needing to eat something.

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2014 20:35

So why give their children a lunch in a lunchbox if it's not actually lunchtime, sarah?

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2014 20:37

You have to do what Costa say or they set that scary marshmallow on you, honey...

HoneyDragon · 15/02/2014 20:38

Yes that's a point. Along with allergies, they could have been attempting to shield their children from lawsuitmallows.

SirChenjin · 15/02/2014 20:38

Perhaps because they were hungry and going on somewhere else? Perhaps because they just felt like it?

Who the hell actually actually cares enough to start a thread on MN about it? Hmm

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