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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe

368 replies

Chocolateandcrisps · 15/02/2014 14:53

There is a lovely cafe in a church which we visit often. There is a little play area which my ds loves and reasonably priced lunches, cakes and a sandwich lunch deal for the kids.

Last week two people walked in with their kids, who were about 3 years old, ordered coffees for themselves and brought out a lunch box for the kids. They did not order cake, lunch etc for themselves - just coffee.

I have given my ds rice cakes, water from cup, snacks in cafes before but never taken out a lunch box.

Am I being unreasonable / judgy to think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe for your kids?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 17:59

I think the comments about keeping a child out of cafes if they have an intolerance are a bit stupid.

I used to take my dc to a local cafe. We would buy for DS1 and bring stuff for ds2 (ntolerances)
10 years later and we still go there. Ds1 and dd eat their paninis and cakes. I spend a bloody fortune in there. I am now friends with the owner.

I bet my house she is well pleased we didn't decide we couldn't go to cafes because of ds2.

wadi1983 · 15/02/2014 18:04

if both children have medical reasons and the adults are not eating... this is still cheeky.. eat at home, in the park, then go.there for the play area!!!

LEMmingaround · 15/02/2014 18:06

They purchased coffee - why does this even bother you?

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 18:07

Ooh a 'take your own food to a cafe' thread BUT was anyone saving tables in the cafe?

YeahThatsWhatISaid · 15/02/2014 18:08

YANBU it's rude and cheap

Unless the kids have allergies and, even then, the parents should ask and order for themselves.

If your kids have allergies you are still saving money by bringing a pack lunch - in theory, it would be polite to offer the buisness a couple of quid in lieu of buying the kids food.

justsodamntired · 15/02/2014 18:10

I do it all the time. Can't spend £6 on a sandwich my DS probably won't eat. Always buy a coffee for me. Most cafe owners seem to be more tolerant than you thank goodness.

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 18:12

I'm not sure it really bothers anyone that much. I replied to the OPs question, even though its not something I have ever given much thought to.
I said upthread, I am coeliac myself. I understand the difficulties of eating in cafes etc. I know which ones have food I can eat and go to those, rather than the ones which have food I can't eat or don't like. Just not sure why parents don't do the same when their children have intolerances.

However, this isn't the reason most people get a lunch box out anyway. I do t give it a lot of thought. It is up to cafe owners, but my opinion is simply that it isn't what cafe owners want. They want us to buy their food. We don't have to, we can just have a coffee. Bringing our own food in is cheeky in my book. We all see it differently don't we.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 18:14

If I had to take food in a sandwich box I would ask the cafe owner/waitress if it was ok first. As long as they didn't mind I wouldn't mind.

Also I agree that you couldn't rock up as a family with a sandwich box each and have a picnic. Some food must be bought from the cafe.

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 18:15

Sparkling...you've obviously seen your share of these threads before. I imagine most of us posting haven't. I haven't read the one about saving tables either. Expect I might enjoy that too. Smiley icon. Don't know how to do them yet as I'm new.

CouthyMow · 15/02/2014 18:17

I do for DS3 as I have yet to find anything in a cafe that he can eat due to his extremely restricted diet (medical, multiple allergies). Does that mean I should never darken the doorstep of a cafe again? The cafe gets my custom - and often that of my older children who eat adult sized portions (all hit puberty). They'd lose that if I didn't go in at all...

Viviennemary · 15/02/2014 18:18

I would think it was cheeky if people did this if I owned a cafe. Of course if the customer explained that it was because of medical issues then it would be fine. But on the other hand I don't think it would be acceptable for an adult to take their own gluten free cake along. and order a coffee and sit and eat their own cake. No it's not really on.

insearchoftheFlumFlumTree · 15/02/2014 18:18

I think it's OK. Children need to eat at regular times. One of mine has major allergies (yada yada...), cross-contamination is an issue, I always take his lunch when we go out. Granted I am usually eating myself, but if, for whatever reason, I was only having a coffee at lunchtime, I wouldn't see the problem with discretely giving my child a non-messy packed lunch in a café. I do usually explain to the staff why I'm not ordering for him from the menu and nobody has ever objected.

greenfolder · 15/02/2014 18:19

dunno really.

if we are on a day out, i always put a packet of biscuits in my bag. happy to pay for 5 drinks in starbucks- about £15. not happy to pay £30 for drinks plus sweet treat for 5 of us.

and i suppose its exactly the same thing really.

hazeyjane · 15/02/2014 18:22

If your child is unable to eat the food sold in a particular establishment then you simply don't go in,either find somewhere else or accept that its one of things you have to sacrifice doing as a parent

People need to avoid them if they are not suitable for their children, due to behaviour or due to the food not being suitable for them.

Jeez, really?? So I want to meet friends or go out with my 3 children, but because ds is disabled, and will only eat the food in his lunchbox, we should just not go to cafes and restaurants? What about my other children, they just have to miss out too? What about ds - who despite his sensory issues around food, really loves going out to cafes?

No, sorry, I think we'll carry on as we are - going to cafes, asking if it's ok for ds to eat his lunchbox, having a lovely time, leaving a tip and sod anyone tutting in our direction.

YeahThatsWhatISaid · 15/02/2014 18:23

It's not up to the customers to decide what isn't and is not acceptable in someone's else's cafe or restaurant. It should be completely up to the buisness owner. I bet a lot of owners wouldn't mind being flexible for children with medical issues but it should be up to them to decide. They may be able to provide food that is suitable.

CouthyMow · 15/02/2014 18:24

It's easy enough to find a cafe that caters for coeliac issues these days (DS1 is coeliac). Try finding a cafe that can cater for a diet free from dairy, tree nuts, peanuts, soy, legumes, pineapple, kiwi and papaya...

There isn't ONE, and certainly none that can avoid cross contamination as well.

Coeliac - cross contamination can produce violent diarrhoea, vomiting, stomach cramps and can permanently damage the bowel.

Contact anaphylaxis allergy - likely to result in death.

Slight difference...

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 18:26

Insearch, Im sure they have appreciated your explanation.
Some of this getting lunch boxes out is due to allergies However, As Vivienne said, adults with allergies don't take their own food, so why are children different. If I (coeliac) go out for lunch with non coeliac friends, we all go somewhere that I can eat. We don't go somewhere they can eat and I take my own. Really can't see what is different with children.
Mostly though, people do it to save money. I don't think not being able to afford to buy lunch for the children is a good reason to take a packed lunch. Most of us simply go without luxuries we can't afford. If a meal for everyone is one of them, that's fine. Why not just all have a drink instead? Eat a picnic outside or if not good weather, eat at home. I just don't think it is the cafes job to provide a place for people to eat their own food.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2014 18:28

Wombat there hasn't been a 'take your own food to a cafe' thread for a while weirdly. It's probably time. Grin

hazeyjane · 15/02/2014 18:31

But chocolatewombat, if you see someone sit down and pull out a lunchbox for their child - you don't know the reason, the op doesn't know the reason why the women bought their own food. Isn't it just easier to give people the benefit of the doubt and think they have a perfectly valid reason, rather than judging?

CouthyMow · 15/02/2014 18:31

My DS3 already misses out on soft play and toddler groups as other parents don't heed the warnings about no food or drinks in the play area, if it's pissing down and I want to eat in a cafe then I'm NOT going to make him eat in the rain. We eat outdoors when it's sunny enough, but not if it's cold or wet.

He would have no life at all outside the house if allowances weren't made for his severe food allergies, why should I have to give up on going to cafe's?

It's NOT just his life that would be restricted if I did that, it would be that of his siblings too. And I would never be able to go outside over a mealtime.

In fact, I have had some excellent responses to his allergies - there's one restaurant that we have been using for years , about 45 miles away, that has always been able to cater for my coeliac DS1. However when I discussed DS3's dietary requirements with them, they were happy for me to bring along a meal which they heated up for him, as they admitted that they were unable to cater for him.

Unfortunately I can only get to that restaurant if I am with people that drive, as I don't.

In my town, not one restaurant will agree to do this, so we have only been out for a meal once in his 3 years of life. So my family is already missing out on that, and now we should miss out on ANY experience of eating out AT ALL because DS3 has multiple food allergies that catering establishments can't cater for?!

Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 18:32

I still don't get this.
The cafe we frequent decided that customer service and ergo customer loyalty mattered. And they have made huge amounts of money from our custom.
If the cafe see it as not a problem why do randoms feel the need to moralise ?

ChocolateWombat · 15/02/2014 18:32

Sparkling....it's the great thing about MN isn't it....whatever we want to ask, has probably been asked before. I never thought to ask this Q, just answered as saw it in ACTIVE. Loads of times though I have looked up a Q that I have really wanted to fi d the answer to and found fantastic answers, even if all disagreeing. Funny that the same things that annoy people come up time and time again. We are not as original as we like to think. Smile.

Pagwatch · 15/02/2014 18:35

Couthy,
I have never had a problem with cafes/restaurants over bringing things for DS 2

I think it is sensible to ignore big chunks of this thread as the uninformed rumblings of the unintentionally smug.

People have no clue. Bless them Grin

jacks365 · 15/02/2014 18:35

At what point does it get unacceptable the op states she's given snacks in cafes previously so what is ok and what isn't.

susiedaisy · 15/02/2014 18:36

Whoever said if kids are fussy eaters then they aren't at the stage to eat out. I strongly disagree. Children need to learn how to behave when eating out. There's nothing worse than sitting near small children in a restaurant that are throwing a fit because they haven't been taught to sit down and eat nicely when in a public place. We taught ours to sit down and wait for food and try different things. But that started at home and with taking them to coffee mornings,local cafés etc as toddlers. What would you rather mums go nowhere until kids are at school?