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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe

368 replies

Chocolateandcrisps · 15/02/2014 14:53

There is a lovely cafe in a church which we visit often. There is a little play area which my ds loves and reasonably priced lunches, cakes and a sandwich lunch deal for the kids.

Last week two people walked in with their kids, who were about 3 years old, ordered coffees for themselves and brought out a lunch box for the kids. They did not order cake, lunch etc for themselves - just coffee.

I have given my ds rice cakes, water from cup, snacks in cafes before but never taken out a lunch box.

Am I being unreasonable / judgy to think that you should not bring a lunch box into a cafe for your kids?

OP posts:

Limara · 16/02/2014 19:16

I have, so you stand corrected. Alpha courses provide free 2 course meals once a week for 10 weeks, 'Silver service' provides a free meal for OAP's once a week then theres the free, 2 course meals provided twice a week for the homeless. They do this to reach out to the community.

I think we need to remember that we do not know what goes on in people's lives and should keep an open mind. Instead of looking out for people in business, we need to keep a look out for each other.

Caitlin17 · 16/02/2014 19:21

I dont see anything odd about a cafe in a church.I can think of at least 2 churches in Edinburgh with very nice cafes attached. One is the second outlet of an existing commercial cafe and is very clearly a commercial opertion. The church will be collecting rent and/or a share of profits.

The other looks as if it is run by volunteers but the aim is to provide income for the church. Churches are expensive to maintain and this is a means of raising money.

The best example I can think of is the cafe in the crypt of St. Martin in the Fields which is a fantastic restaurant and is always very busy. Groups of 12 hogging a table for the price of a cup of coffee would be a real nuisance for anyone wanting a meal.

MrsOakenshield · 16/02/2014 19:26

bit late back to this but I must say I find the person who takes her own food to soft play (for no allergy or dietary reason at all) and then aggressively tells them to basically put up or shut up really horrible - if there is another soft play with the facilities you want then just go there, rather than threaten the other place with losing your custom because they ask you to abide by their rules. What a piece of work you sound.

This actually happened at the weekend, family came into a (private member's) cafe at a busy lunchtime on Saturday and got out their lunchboxes - which were filled with Waitrose juices and sarnies. No homemade food at all (we were sat right next to them). They were there for a quite a while before eventually they bought one piece of cake. Place was busy. That is cheeky.

Caitlin17 · 16/02/2014 19:26

Limara are you determined to miss the point? The vast majority of restaurants are businesses, not charities.Even those attached to non commercial institutions like churches or say The National Trust or art galleries or museums are there to raise funds.

Forago · 16/02/2014 19:26

I think that's fine. If the cafe is bothered, it will provide reasonably priced children's food with dairy free etc allergy friendly options. That's what I would do these days if I ran a cafe. If they don't or can't them I am sure they are grateful go the revenue from the drinks at least.

My own personal moral code says as long as you buy something in there them you have paid the extra vat to eat in and take up a seat and can eat anything else you happen to have in your bag as well.

I go to my local costa almost every lunchtime and have a hot chocolate or a coffee (expensive) because a) they have the nicest tasking hot chocolate to me and b) it is a nice quiet spot to sit and look out the window and has free newspapers. I take in a range of wraps or sandwiches from other local businesses because the Costa ones give me indigestion. Costa don't care, they get my money from the drinks and this wouldn't be the case if I wasn't allowed to bring my own sandwiches.

In an independent it's a bit more cheeky, I grant you, but I imagine they are grateful for taking business away from Starbucks, costa etc even if it only drinks or cakes and the kids have their own lunch.

ChocolateWombat · 16/02/2014 19:47

People here will justify absolutely anything. Again, it's the 'I spent £2 on coffee, so now I have the right to do whatever I like, never mind ifi it disrespects the owner'
Again, I think of earlier example of smokers, going to a friends house, lighting up inside, without asking if they mind. Totally rude and disrespectful. Same kind of disrespect. Most people wouldn't do this to a friend. Businesses deserve respect too.

Limara · 16/02/2014 19:47

Caitlin17, I'm not determined to miss the point, I don't agree, that's all. I hear the pleas for the business owner who gets to make money on the drinks and may well make more on repeat business and personal recommendations for the two women for example who may share how nice the cafe is. There is always more to a story, a back story and I am not prepared to believe they have done anything wrong especially if there isn't a law against it.

ChocolateWombat · 16/02/2014 19:55

Limara, I don't get your point about not agreeing if there isn't a law.
Surely there are lots of things that aren't laws, but common decency.

It isn't illegal to go in a public toilet and leave a terrible mess behind....but disrespectful for the next person and also the cleaner.
It isn't illegal to sit on a bus and watch someone stand who is pregnant or struggling with heavy shopping, but it is disrespectful.
It isn't illegal to smoke in someone else house without asking, but it is disrespectful.
Are you saying that you will just do as you please, as long as something isn't illegal. You will do whatever works for you, regardless of the effect on others and that you don't care about the effect on others. That's how it is coming across to me,

Floggingmolly · 16/02/2014 19:56

Cafes don't really need personal recommendations from free loaders like this, though. Spreading the word on which cafés have the best coffee and, oh, incidentally - they don't mind you bringing in your own food! is probably a cafe owners biggest nightmare.
The earlier poster who picks a cafe on the basis of it's free newspapers, and then brings a "selection" of sandwiches from elsewhere is a case in point.

Who needs more of that?

Limara · 16/02/2014 19:57

ChocolateWombat

''Disrespect to owners'' ''Businesses deserve respect too''

When did the British public/us get to be so unimportant? Businesses across the world have been screwing their customers and environment (our environment) over for years. I'm not saying we should make it our mission to go and do the same to them of course not but it might be worth keeping things in perspective. We are important, our needs are just as important as theirs and if someone wants to bring a little snack/lunchbox in for their little kid, then is it the crime of the century?

Fiveleaves · 16/02/2014 19:58

My DB ran a cafe. Worked 14 hour days and was always busy but still only just keeping head above water. Eventually had to close when business rate rises meant he was making a loss.

Taking your own food into a cafe whose business is selling food is just out of order. What is so hard to get? If they don't cater for your needs, go to one that does or as other posters have mentioned, if you are just paying for coffee, go at coffee time and have lunch at home. Unbelievable cheek.

Floggingmolly · 16/02/2014 20:00

Our needs are just as important as theirs
No, they need paying customers in order to make a living; you need to pay to use the facilities they provide.
It really is that simple.

ChocolateWombat · 16/02/2014 20:01

Limara, I get what you are saying. You think YOU are important and that YOU can do what you like. The impact on others does not seem to matter to you.
No, such an attitude it's not a crime, just unaware and disrespectful.

winterlace · 16/02/2014 20:02

Limara I am annoyed, not angry. I don't like being held up as a nasty person with no empathy for desperate people on benefits because I think it is extremely rude to shovel food in your face in a cafe that you haven't paid for.

My DD is fussy. She isn't rude to be fussy but I would be very rude if I permitted her to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. People can wait if they are hungry.

Floggingmolly · 16/02/2014 20:04

its, not it's

winterlace · 16/02/2014 20:07

And to be honest I am finding the pointed remarks about how mean and nasty it is here a bit tiresome. I'm not breaking any talk guidelines and nor is any other poster. If you find the thread too angry, hide it and find another one.

Limara · 16/02/2014 20:08

ChocolateWombat Sun 16-Feb-14 20:01:34
Limara, I get what you are saying. You think YOU are important and that YOU can do what you like. The impact on others does not seem to matter to you.
No, such an attitude it's not a crime, just unaware and disrespectful.

So what are you saying, I am rude and disrespectful?

Ledkr · 16/02/2014 20:14

Just ignore limara she's always going into our local cafe with a cool box and a flask, she's the talk of the village

Limara · 16/02/2014 20:15

winterlace Sun 16-Feb-14 20:02:49
Limara I am annoyed, not angry. I don't like being held up as a nasty person with no empathy for desperate people on benefits because I think it is extremely rude to shovel food in your face in a cafe that you haven't paid for.

In the OP's post, the children ate the food and she did not refer to them as 'shovelling food in their face.'

My DD is fussy. She isn't rude to be fussy but I would be very rude if I permitted her to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. People can wait if they are hungry.

Tbf, it can sometimes be difficult policing this when a child is hungry.

Floggingmolly · 16/02/2014 20:17

Ledkr.

Limara · 16/02/2014 20:17

Ledkr Ain't this the truth!

Just disagreeing with people that is all!

winterlace · 16/02/2014 20:19

The shovelling food in the face referred to the fact that apparently no one can wait. No indeed; good needs to be consumed NOW!

People can wait. And if you can't wait, don't go in a cafe ...

Thetallesttower · 16/02/2014 20:22

It's the person who goes into Costa and takes their own sandwiches from elsewhere which really has me open-mouthed. How can anyone enjoy their lunch knowing they can't openly eat it because they are not supposed to consume other shops food in there?

I have never come across this in real life, if me and my friends go in a cafe, we buy stuff and eat it there, all this 'too fussy/the food doesn't agree with me/impatient' children, just unbelievable.

I expect there will be signs up in Costa soon because its obviously not self-evident to everyone that you can't sit with your measly coffee and consume your home packed lunch in there. I am really incredulous but now I know why there has been an outbreak of these signs lately.

As for 'too poor'- I'm too poor to all go and eat out at the moment, so we aren't! Quite easy, stay home, eat dinner, have an ice-cream when out. The idea of packing lunch for the kids and then going to sit in a cafe and have two coffees between four people doesn't even begin to come into it!

Limara · 16/02/2014 20:29

winterlace - People can wait. And if you can't wait, don't go in a cafe ...

They're children which is sometimes more difficult when they are hungry!

winterlace · 16/02/2014 20:34

So you eat on a bench or in the car or just organise your day so that your children won't be starving and clamouring for food just when you sit in a cafe ...

I'm completely with thetallesttower on this.

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