To feel annoyed about OH going to Thailand alone

[WestEndGirl11]

I'm in a relationship of 2.5 yrs, we are happy and in love, don't live together yet but hopefully in a few months we will do this. My OH is in his forties and 9yrs older than me, he's never been married and always lived a bit of a bachelor life. He is a teacher and he likes to go away to Asia every feb half term, on his own. He says he needs space and "me time". We have holidays together as well and I go away with my friends and sister some times. I don't mind him going away with his friends as I can understand that. I don't understand the big exotic holidays on his own - why can't he wait until Easter when we are going to Sri Lanka together for example...

We had a lovely meal out on Thursday for a pre-valentines and he surprised me with roses on Friday, then he flew out to Thailand in the eve. Am I being a total spoilt princess to feel annoyed at him? He wants to do this every year, I just feel like that is not what couples in serious relationships do - small holidays with friends are ok but big holidays should be as a couple or as a one off when the other person can't make it, right?

thatbloodywoman - Even though nobody has actually said that?

Am I the only one wondering why someone without kids & doesn't live with their partner needs specific 'me time' in the first place? Which does imply time away from the OP.

However, unless the OP is in teaching too, would she have enough annual leave to take time off in half term & Easter? Maybe the OH just likes a bit of winter sun at this time of year (wouldn't we all) and a long haul destination is likely to be better for that.

I asked the three men who happen to be here about this thread. They all said the boyfriend going to Thailand for annual me time is obviously "a dirty dog".
I'm afraid that a regular single male traveller to Thailand pretty much does = sex tourist to many of us.

Giving a friend advice where you know the situation and the people involved is a world away from telling a stranger her relationship is crap.

I agree nick, it's harder IRL as you have to be more diplomatic!

OP will more than likely take no notice of me or anyone on this thread but if the things she reads provoke her to weigh up her relationship, then that has to be a good thing.

Do you really think that a relationship where one person always gets their own way, to the detriment of the others feelings, is a relationship to be encouraged?

As you are aware Grennie, it's what some posters are alluding to.

Why would you move out of somewhere you love for someone you don't trust?

Why does he need to get away on his own?

Please think seriously about leaving your flat.

Probably just looking for a different slant on life ...........

Can I just check,you are in your 30s and he is in his 40s and you have been dating for 2.5 years???

This man doesn't want to settle down with you or it woudl have happened years ago. Whether he goes fishing in kent or trekking in Thailand is irrelevant.

If you want some sort of committed relationship you need to find someone else . He has told you who he is and what he wants -you are just not listening.

Don't get angry about men and women making the connection between regular trips to Thailand and sex tourism. Get disgusted at the 1000s of men who exploit Thai women and children and who give lone male travellers to sex tourist hot spots a bad name.

Exactly, Sauce.

That is not what this is about Sauce

The OP asked about her relationship and was hit with a barrage of stuff about how he MUST be going to shag ladyboys etc.

I am appalled by the exploitation and abuse of sex tourism.
I have witnessed what goes on in Thailand - and India and Vietnam and Amsterdam and London .......

But that doesn't stop me from being appalled when men are on the end of prejudice simply because of their gender.

Good point sauce.Well said.

But I still think it's important to challenge sexism as well.

There are always upsides and downsides to getting together with a mature person, yes they know what they want in life, more likely to have stability in finances and general lifestyle. But they are set in their ways and will cling onto things that they have always done because they have always done them, so why should they change?

I am coming to this completely neutral, I am not familiar with your other posts, westend but it did make me feel irritated reading your thread. All that stuff about "me time".

I would offer him as much "me time" as he wanted in future, endless "me time" in fact, if I were you. He sounds very insular, and that' s being kind!

You are not spoilt or BU, IMO

I wouldn't like it. These are really special places and I would love to see them with my DP, not let him go alone and me wait for him. Wouldn't suit me I'm afraid, even if he suggested I do the same. Relationships are for sharing amazing things when you can.

Look - I'm willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not anti men at all. I am in the habit of joining dots though - and rightly or wrongly this man is being judged because of his regular need for me time in Thailand - a well known destination for those who would not visit prostirutes in their home countries. That's all I'm doing.

And I hate it when posters do this but I have referred to DH to double check I'm not being unduly cynical and he's been opened mouth shock that any would think well of this situation. He's also told me to get the fuck off mumsnet - so we don't necessarily have to listen to him do we

It is shag central.

I'm sure the 67,000,000 people of Thailand appreciate your succinct summing up of the entirety of their country and culture.

Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia
hmmm......ok.
Does he ever visit the Czech Republic as well?

After 2.5 years together his desire for his 'me time' solo excursions are hardly going to decrease once he spends more time with you if you start living together.

You post under different names and treat instances of questionable behaviour as isolated incidents because there is a pattern to the behaviour which you do not want to face. If there are fundamental things you don't like about his personality or his behaviour then walk away, this man isn't a work in progress, this job has been completed for some time.

Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia are indeed beautiful countries but the sad fact is that certain parts of Thailand and Indonesia are notorious sex tourist destinations. As a single female I wasn't presented with photo albums of young flesh I could rent hourly. daily or weekly but my male travel companions were. Hell, there were guest houses where 'companions' came with the room.

Just out of interest, which part of Thailand has he gone to?

Nicknacky aside from the fact the Dutch are actually trying to limit the number of prostitutes the Red Light area in Amsterdam is not dealing in children.

I can see why men go off alone skiing, sailing, walk to South Pole etc . I think it very dubious if they want to go to Thailand alone.

Maybe he is trekking in the north of Thailand or diving in the south? There is lots to do apart from exploit women and children

Just because some men go there to commit crimes doesn't means that every single traveller to Thailand is a criminal

I'm sure she would know if he went trekking/diving every year.

I'd say you're wasting many a year on this pointless relationship. You'll regret this with hindsight

You post under different names and treat instances of questionable behaviour as isolated incidents because there is a pattern to the behaviour which you do not want to face

We'll put isetan. That is exactly how I see it too, I just hope the OP starts to open her eyes to it. She can clearly see the red flags but ignores them in the vain hope she is wrong.