to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

[BarkWorseThanBite]

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

And similarly, I, a full-time WOHM, am off to make pancakes for the masses. How the poor darlings suffer.

It was very magnanimous of you, OP, to concede that some working parents are okay because they don't use full-time childcare.

^the typos and italics fails are ironic, of course!

I wish you would just say what you mean OP.
You're making an awful lot of presumptions.
My child was never in daycare as you put it. He was down the beach/park/zoo with his grandparents, like many children I know. I've never worked 8-6 either.
Are you specifically talking about mothers who work 50+ hours a week who's DC are in f/t childcare or what? There are a million variations of working mothers and childcare options but you seem to be skipping over that fact repeatedly.
So you think children are better off being cared for at home by mum, yes? Well I think that depends on the mother. Have you seen the number of 'I can't stop shouting at my dc' threads on here recently?

Hahahaha is all I can manage right now OP

As an aside it always makes me smile what trivia some people stew over

Sorry, I only saw the first page before I posted (being thick, sorry), so what I said is now irrelevant to how the thread has evolved

So it takes starting a passive aggressive thread which runs for 300 posts before the OP realises that - shock horror!- not every other parent in the world is exactly the same as her!

Just wow! Surely most people develop the ability to understand that not everyone does things the same way, without needing to do that ....

I realise I have been lucky. My DM retired (early) at the same time as I was finishing mat leave. I took 18 months off to march with this.
My DH also works regular 8-4 so he holds the fort whilst I am doing my job which involves shifts and often weekends.
I've had the best of both worlds.
Security in Ds care whilst I work.
My Ds also has a medical condition which requires specific treatment in an emergency. I work 40 minutes away from him.
Please, however, nobody suggest that I care or think about him any less than a mother who doesn't work.
Yes Bark if someone asks what do you do? I would reply I am a ........ but that would usually be after we had spoken about family etc, the most important thing in all our lives.

I fail to see how I am diffrent to a SAHM. The only thing I don't do is 3 morning school runs a week.

I couldn't be a SAHM because I would be bored due to the both DC being in school.

When the DC was pre-schoolers we didn't use child care, MIL had our DC on times. But between DH and my shifts we worked it out between us.

But babies do need food, clothes, roofs over their heads. The reality is that many families need both parents to work to provide essentials. It's not always about flash cars and foreign holidays, when looking at the financial side.

Children also need parents who are happy and content. Toddler groups, endless conversations about catchment areas and carrot puree had me climbing the walls. I went into my first maternity leave unsure whether I'd go back as I was very fortunate to have a choice. I adored my baby but was so miserable after nine months the best thing for our whole family was for me to return to work.

I'm currently on mat leave with DD2 and knowing I'm going back is some days heartbreaking and some days a godsend, depending on how the day is going. Having the thought of returning to work on a bad day is great, so in that respect I agree with the OP. The sanctimonious bile that has been spouted since however has made her look both smug and cruel.

This thread was clearly designed to start a bun fight. Poor form.

As an aside, does anyone actually remember being a baby/pre-schooler? Nope? Me neither.

HadaBadDay - you're different because you haven't made The Sacrifice, don't you understand?

Obvious alark, really? My toddler was a dream child and a nightmare reflux/non sleeping baby.
Toddlerhood was a doddle in comparison.
So no, I would have to completely disagree.

alarkthatcouldpray - um, many women on ML have their older children home with them at the same time. There aren't many who would be able to afford (or even want to) keep the older DC in nursery.

I think that the issue is that raising children is a really important job which society doesn't value enough. WOHPs make career sacrifices and compromise on how much time they get to spend supporting kids with issues like h/wk etc, or compromise on the quality of their relationships and are juggling too many balls, while SAHPs might have compromised hugely in terms of career and financial autonomy which are both huge parts of how we define success in our culture. Both parties compromise but the problem is that the compromises sometimes seem invisible as no one seems to recognize that raising children is expensive and time consuming if it's done properly.

The truth is, that society at large is not supportive of family units in all their different permutations, nor does it celebrate the incredible work most parents do in raising well adjusted adults. The current proposals for 8 hour school days and longer holidays evidences how the government has NO idea how much we do for our children in this time!!

I say this as someone who was a SAHM for 10 yrs and who has been a WOHM for 5 :)

YABU because you are being divisive. What unites us is a shared experience if how much we are prepared to compromise in order to raise our children well and how little that is appreciated.

Have a well deserved all of you!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=NrLkTZrPZA4

Annie oh you bad woman! you have now given me an earworm of the 80s cheese variety!

Oh look! Another thread where wohms feel attacked and insulted. In order to remedy this, they proceed to attack and insult sahms with the same old tired clichés. Ironic.

Usually right- where are the attacks on sahms? Please point these out as I've seen none. However, the op has clearly said wohms are not raising their dc.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=UXzx--YefD8

And another one. Not so much cheese though. Woman's work...

You bowed out before answering the main question put to you op.

Which was - when your children start pre school are you no longer raising them then?

No one is insulting SAHM. Quite a few of us have explicitly said 'great, be a SAHM if that's what you want to do'
We're not interested in attacking them, because we're able to get our heads round the idea that there is more than one way to raise happy, well adjusted human beings. Unlike the OP, who admitted that it hadnt occurred to her until 300 posts in, that not everyone is the same

WOHM will quite rightly defend themselves when they're attacked. But that's entirely different to attacking.

Hercules, you're having a laugh, right?
I'm not pasting a dozen pages of generalisations and sarcasm, nope. Read the thread back.