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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement gift.

55 replies

Cravey · 14/02/2014 16:26

Going to a party tomorrow. Lovely couple. No gift list. Spoke to the chap and asked what they would like. He replies a new bed. So monetary gift towards that. Ok that's fine but how much do I give ? We are not close as such. These sort of things really stress me out. My husband says a card and fifty pound should do it. Does that sound right ?

OP posts:
dannydyerismydad · 14/02/2014 16:27

That sounds more than generous to me.

jacks365 · 14/02/2014 16:29

It's more than I would give or spend for an engagement.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/02/2014 16:30

That sounds a lot to me.
I gave my neice a 50 gift.
If it was just a 'not very close' friend than I'd do 20-30 to be honest.
They will appreciate what ever you to give as every little helps!

hellsbellsmelons · 14/02/2014 16:30

What's with these GBP signs today???
Weird!!!

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 16:32

See I thought that was a lot. He says no. So i think put 30 in the card maybe. I never have a clue what to give. Thanks guys.

OP posts:
TheListingAttic · 14/02/2014 16:33

Engagement gift? Does that get you out of a wedding present?

CashmereMouse · 14/02/2014 16:36

An engagement gift as well as a wedding present??? What is the world coming to??

Sorry, that just seems so grabby to me. We didn't have an engagement party, but if we had then there is no way I would have asked, or allowed, engagement presents.

Wedding gifts are fair enough, but engagement presents? Whole 'nother kettle of fish.

Come to think of it, the engagement parties I've attended have been informal shindigs with no presents asked for, required or expected.

£50 would be considered very generous as a wedding present, let alone an engagement present (and I have some friends who are very wealthy, and they would be of the same mind).

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/02/2014 16:37

People ask for engagement gifts? Really??

CashmereMouse · 14/02/2014 16:37

If I felt I needed to take somehting, then I would take a batch of homemade brownies or such like. Much more affordable, and thoughtful too.

Not implying that isn't thoughtful, but you know what I mean.

HappyAsEyeAm · 14/02/2014 16:37

I would put the equivalent of what you would have paid for a gift. You thought they might have a gift list or similar - what would you ave been prepared to spend on a gift from that list? In the region of what? There is your answer.

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 16:38

So is this not the done thing then ? I thought it was just normal, but then I've not been to an engagement party for years. Now I'm kind of thinking yes that's right, they will be getting two gifts. So maybe knock it down to 20.

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Twooter · 14/02/2014 16:38

Why didn't you just turn up to the party with a bottle and flowers?

overmydeadbody · 14/02/2014 16:43

So they didn't ask for gifts but you asked what they would like and he said "a bed"? I would assume he was joking in that case and bring a bottle, some flowers and a card to the party.

If someone I didn't know very well gave me £50 as an engagement present I would feel very embarassed.

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 16:46

I thought about a bottle of nice champers, but the chap said oh we need a new bed. But now the more I think about it the more I'm thinking hang on they have a home and have lived together for years. So maybe a nice bottle would do it ?

OP posts:
Joysmum · 14/02/2014 16:56

I've never known anyone ask for engagement gifts before? I would do £20 as that's what I'd spend on my family who I'm not particularly close to but close enough to do something for birthdays.

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 16:58

Right then bugger it. A nice bottle of fizz, a nice card and a drink at the party will do it I think. Thanks for your help. I'm shocked actually at the fact that it doesn't seem to be the done thing to ask for gifts.

OP posts:
Twooter · 14/02/2014 17:01

Most people get married after an engagement though, so expect the gifts then.

Birdsgottafly · 14/02/2014 17:03

Why turn up to someone's party, with a gift that you know the couple won't necessarily want?

I would usually give around £20 each, so if I am in a partnership, £40.

If you are invited to a celebration you take a present, if you know what they want, you give that, or you obviously don't like them and wish them well, so don't go.

PavlovtheCat · 14/02/2014 17:07

Engagement gift? Shock £50 ? how much will you give for the wedding present? Honestly, that's insane. I never even thought to ask/expect an engagement present. We got bought a couple of bottles of champagne by our closet friends and that w, we thought, a lovely surprise, not expected at all.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 14/02/2014 17:07

25-30

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 17:09

Pavlov I think we would hope they would have a gift list and get something from that for the wedding. I get slightly stressed about the gift thing for weddings. So much prefer a list. I'm deffo going for the bottle of fizz though I think. They can have it to themselves then when they choose.

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Kundry · 14/02/2014 17:50

WTF is an engagement gift? If they want to have a party that's lovely but a gift???

I really messed up my engagement then, no-one gave me any gifts and I had no idea I was supposed to get any.

Turning up to the party with a bottle of wine is fine. Them asking for anything else is grabby.

sparechange · 14/02/2014 18:02

I have never, ever heard of anyone asking for engagement gifts. When we got engaged, we had a bit of a party and a few people turned up with a bottle or a photo frame or a similar, but I would have been mortified if anyone gave us cash or a high-value present.

Save that for the actual wedding! (And I agree on gift lists - they are a total godsend and the MN hysteria always baffles me)

PurplePidjin · 14/02/2014 18:17

MIL wants to throw us an engagement party and I wondered about this. TBH, I don't want the hassle of a lot of gifts, we have a small house and everything we need already. It's one of the reasons why we're having a small wedding of just family and close friends (if I do a church wedding it'll involve half the local community, I think that's why she wants to have a big engagement party!)

I'd be grateful you had even thought about it and appreciate £5-10 just as much as £50. So it depends on how much you can spare at the moment.

Original poster
Cravey · 14/02/2014 18:40

Settled then. I just popped out and got a nice card and two nice bottles of fizz. One for them and one for me. As for the wedding they need to give me a gift list. I'm so crap at gift giving. I get all in a tizzy about it. I honestly thought it was normal to take a gift to a party. Didn't realise that engagement parties were different. But then I didn't have one so maybe that's it. I shall also buy a drink for them at the party as I've been told it's a cash bar. That's good enough isn't it ?

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