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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yes I probably am being unreasonable, but I'm so pissed off re dh and his parents

174 replies

Loopylouu · 12/02/2014 09:53

So, I am 33 weeks pregnant.

Due to money/my older ds, dh and I have never been away alone together. No honeymoon, no overnight stays anywhere.

I have decided I want to go away to a nice hotel overnight next Friday. I'll be 34 weeks pregnant and ds decided to turn up at 36 weeks, so this is our last chance as I don't want to be away from home after that really just incase it all kicks off. DS goes to his fathers house EOW, and this is the last time he'll be away before the baby is here. It's also out third anniversary that day. Reasonable to want I go away, right?

I posted a while ago about PIL booking visits to come and stay on iCal without asking first. Well, talking about hotels to dh last night, he looks at the calendar and guess fucking what? PIL are down that day/night.

So obviously we can't go as dhs can't miss seeing them (they dot stay with us, they stay in a b&b as our flat is too small).

They have booked hotel and can't change date and dh wouldn't want them to anyway.

Am thinking of just booking the hotel anyway and going myself and sayig he can come if he wants or he can stay here wih his mum and dad. I'm tired, pissed off and I want a break from these four walls.

Go ahead and call me a cow.

OP posts:
ProfessorSkullyMental · 12/02/2014 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBattleaxe · 12/02/2014 14:11

Great work. Well handled. Enjoy your break. You really deserve it and it could be a while before you get to do it again!

Mim78 · 12/02/2014 14:13

My pil would offer to babysit if this happened. But they are nice like that.

WipsGlitter · 12/02/2014 14:14

Have you tried talking to you MiL about it? Your DH does sound a bit pathetic. To still 'need to please' so much as an adult is not healthy.

Thumbwitch · 12/02/2014 14:15

Yay Lou! Well done for booking, and really I would still tell him that you're going alone because you don't want to put up with him either whining or self-martyring over not being with mammy and daddy.

And definitely sack off the calendar, unless you can work it with full editorial rights, so that even if your PILs book a weekend, you can then edit it off, which sends them a message saying "Sorry! That weekend is not available" or similar.

CheesyBadger · 12/02/2014 14:18

Go! Say it is not that you want him to choose, you need the break, full stop. You can rest with or without him there but you need it

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/02/2014 14:19

Well done, I am glad he saw the light - have a good time.

Original poster
Loopylouu · 12/02/2014 14:30

Oh I told him that I won't be accepting any guilt tripping.

It's not like I've stamped my feet and said he can't see them, I think having the over for the afternoon/evening is a good compromise really.

OP posts:
HelloBoys · 12/02/2014 14:33

Loopy - from what you said a page back about standing up for yourself and then your DP backing down I think that's what you need to do. stand up for yourself.

scrap the bloody iCal thing and monitor the PIL stuff. You may be right (or some other posters are right) that his PIL don't know the extent of it or what is happening or his mum's on your side but you want to monitor it. Or I would. well done. Brew

ohfourfoxache · 12/02/2014 14:34

Good! Sensible to tell him that from the outset.

I really hope you're able to relax a bit Thanks

Original poster
Loopylouu · 12/02/2014 14:34

I've also booked a facial in the spa and afternoon tea for before we leave on the Saturday. Having my hair cut for the first time in a year on the Friday morning as well.

I am really going to make the most of this, I'll be knee deep in nappies by the end of march!

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 12/02/2014 14:35

Can I come with you? Grin

JoinYourPlayfellows · 12/02/2014 14:37

He was shocked to shit when I said I'd just booked it anyway and that I was banking on going alone.

I don't understand why he found that so shocking.

I mean, you had made a plan to go away that Friday. Why should YOU drop everything just because his parents have stuck something in a calendar? Confused

What is so surprising about that?

It's like the thing with you cancelling things with your friends just because HE had made arrangements with HIS parents, that you weren't even party to.

How bossy is this guy exactly?

It's not just that he expects to put his parents before you, but he (and you seem to go along with it) seems to expect YOU to put his parents before everything too.

mygorgeousmilo · 12/02/2014 14:43

YANBU it's fair that you want a break and they didn't ask.... but be prepared for a fallout. Is the Saturday night not do-able? Just to keep the pre-baby peace?

ChrisMooseMickey · 12/02/2014 14:44

You can take me with you if you like! Wink

Seriously though, well done you. Your DH is the one being selfish here. Not you!

Make sure you take all the alcohol out of the mini-bar and save it for when DD is here!

Original poster
Loopylouu · 12/02/2014 15:00

He was shocked as I don't think he expected me just to go only own.

Sat night is a no due to picking up ds at 9am. I am not going this time, so dh would have to drop me home first - we'd have to leave the hotel at 4 or 5 am so it's not worth it.

OP posts:
ExcuseTypos · 12/02/2014 15:19

So glad you stuck to your guns and he has seen sense.

HelloBoys · 12/02/2014 15:30

mygorgeous - why should OP have to bend over backwards to keep the peace?!

My newish neighbours (DH and heavily pregnant DW, and DC) went on a short break last month, DW's DM came down to look after their DC and DW DF came down too (separately) and there's no booking or tantrums because one or other can't see them.

Both DW and DH are Scottish in London though and DP are in Scotland so long flight/drive to see their daughter!

oh and enjoy all your fun stuff OP! Smile

Jux · 12/02/2014 18:50

I'd be so tempted to tell him I was going with X now, and it was too late for him to just change his mind. But that is petty so don't do it.

However, I would get rid of the calendar and block book as many w/e now as I could anyway.

Pimpf · 12/02/2014 20:02

Good for you. Make sure you do more of this standing up for yourself, don't let him walk all over you or disregard your feelings

frugalfuzzpig · 12/02/2014 20:14

Lou, you are awesome :o have an amazing time!

RandomMess · 12/02/2014 20:33

Hope the calendar discussions goes well this evening, and have a great time at the hotel!

FunkyBoldRibena · 13/02/2014 08:01

I would tell him that your diary is your diary and if anyone wants to book time in your house, with you or your children, they have to run it by you first. Like normal people do.

Get the ical calender deleted.

Until it is written in your own personal diary by your own personal hand, it doesn't count.

At this rate he might be seeing less of his kid than he does of his parents, its time to prioritize his wife and kids now, not his parents.

Foodylicious · 13/02/2014 11:40

Wooo Hooo!!!!!!!!!!!
So very pleased to come on here and read this lou
'Start as you mean to go on' they say, and you have. I think its really important that you have stood your ground now before your next little one arrives and he can get his head round where both your priorities lie!
Really hope you enjoy your night away (and the haircut and spa bits too!)
Hope your conversation went well re the ical x

Original poster
Loopylouu · 13/02/2014 12:01

THE ICAL IS NO MORE!

HIs parents will now do what the rest of the world do and will speak to us regarding convenient times to visit.

OP posts:
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