To ask should smacking children be banned.

[HadABadDay2014]

Just seen this on the welsh news.

I am not perfect and once I have smacked ds felt awful and never did it again.

Now I know if this was a patient at work or a member of the public I would had been arrested and highly likely ended up with a criminal record and lost my job.

So the question is should snaking children be banned.

I agree with everything MrsTerry has said - and I saw that as someone who has smacked in anger. To my shame. The fact that I felt my DCs' behaviour had driven me to it made me feel like a man making excuses for hitting his wife.

We need a clear zero tolerance on this.

Look at children are unbeatable website.

Is it not against the law to smack a child? Surely using any sort if physical punishment is abuse which is against the law

A basic over view in England (it's different in Scotland)

A parent can physically chastise their own child (providing they have PR) as long as they do not use any implement or leave any mark. Marks include but are not limited to swelling, bruising,redness and broken skin

I believe in Scotland it's physical chastisement on a under 3 is a crime but I'm not very clear on Scotland's rules

Kate I don't think anyone has smugly admitted to smacking their children. Most parents who do agree with smacking only do it in extreme circumstances and, quite aside from the guilt of smacking, most reasonable parents always question and analyse their responses to their DC when dealing with serious or recurring problems and few people ever feel that they dealt with a situation perfectly - smacking or not smacking.

I don't know if it's helpful to cloud the arguments by painting people who are trying to be honest about something they're not proud of as smug.

Writing social stories is all well and good if you have a biddable child. I was stubborn, and wouldn't stop until I was bitten. I do have Asperger's, but no one knew it at the time.

I was walloped as a child and it still urks me now. I don't agree with 'beating' or 'smacking' children. I do however think that a reproachful tap on the hand or bottom is ok especially re: road safety. I mean literally a tap. Not a smack.

I don't bite my toddler because he just wouldn't get it. Empathy is something children don't develop until they're getting out of the toddler ages. He just wouldn't link him being hurt by biting to another child being hurt by biting, he doesn't think outside of himself like that yet. I just move him away, tell him that we don't bite because it hurts and if he persists then we leave/go somewhere else.

The only times I have smacked DS have been when I have totally lost control of my own temper and looking back I can see exactly where I should have nipped the whole thing in the bud - my frayed nerves, his boredom, his hunger, my headache etc. I felt deeply ashamed and like I had broken him, or fucked him up for life. I noticed afterwards that his behaviour got much much worse and he hit me more. So then I'm in a position of saying 'no, we don't hit' and he's looking at me like 'WTF mum? You hit me?' It's just the most arse backwards parenting ever. Totally pointless and achieves nothing.

"I cured my daughter of biting within a single day by writing her a simple story that explained how the bitten child felt and how sad I felt when she hurt someone else. No aggression needed, just a bedtime story that explained what she didn't understand before - biting hurts people, and it upsets those who love you when you inflict pain on other people. She has never bitten anyone since."

You really think this will work or every child? Tbh, when my very young child was going through a very aggressive phase - if I thought a few light smacks would have nipped it in the bud and saved us (and all the little children he attacked) from a year and a half of frustration and hurt trying to deal with it - then it might have been worth it.

I have smacked in the past on a few occasions. Always disappointed with myself after it and not the way I want to deal with my children but like many I'm not perfect. Smacking is not ideal, not sure how I feel about just outright banning it and criminalising a lot of parents who might only have smacked once or twice.

If it's already an offence to smack and leave a mark, how would you implement a total ban anyway? You'd have to actually see someone doing it, or rely on children to be 100% honest.

3 posts to "running into the road". Is this a record?

I haven't read the thread. How many posts was it to 'putting fingers into the electric plug"? Oh, and to the first use of "tap"?

I wouldn't smack a child for running into the road, but I have been known to yank him back by the hood of his coat. And then they do that delightful toddler-passive-flop and you end up looking like you trying to garotte them.

This is why we use reins!

A kid (approx 4yo) at a play centre today was repeatedly told off by mother and grandmother for lashing out at other children. When he was about to leave and had his shoes on, he went back on the equipment. Mother shouted across centre that he would get a smack if he didn't come out, he got out and was smacked twice anyway.
The irony of their mixed messages...
I hate it, but then I was badly hit by my father as a child and it DID do me some harm!
The law of 'reasonable chastisement' is too vague, and I agree smacking should be banned.

It should be banned because it kills. Where it's been banned, child abuse deaths are very much lower.

How detestable is the argument that has been trotted out here that children are different, they don't understand as an adult does.

By that argument you should be able to hit the demented and those with impaired intellects. Oh..hang on...

Shameful.

Ban it.

"As I said I know I'm in a small minority. As a loving parent I know tried other means, it didn't work, smacking was the absolute last resort. "

I know my mother used smacking in exactly this way Iwannalaylikethisforever. I can't even remember being smacked by her. I can, however recall being told "if you don't stop that you will get a smack." When I was a small child, before I could understand reasoning, I believe it was a very effective method of discipline. She also told me she invariably warned twice before she would carry it out. This was not something done in anger, or in an out-of-control way. It hasn't stopped me being a normal, empathetic human being, nor do I feel in any way traumatised. As I say, I don't even remember her hitting me.

As I said before, I think that it's a difficult question. I don't think that having a law against it will prevent children from being abused as I don't believe it will solve the fundamental problems that cause bad parenting. Also, the number of people here who say they have smacked occasionally out of desperation suggests that it would be impossible to police effectively, and raises the potential of good parents, who love their children dearly, and very occasionally lost control in a limited way (who here who admitted to having lost that control actually lost it to the point of doing significant damage? All of them smacked, none of them ended up beating their children unmercifully, and all of them stopped because of perfectly normal feelings of guilt)... good parents might end up finding themselves in trouble for a one-off minor incident that in the grand scheme of things has almost certainly done no significant damage.

I don't feel that using controlled physical punishment is necessarily better or worse than any other form of punishment. A friend of mine did use spanking in a controlled manner as a form of punishment for her children, right up into teenage. At the time I knew her, when they had misbehaved (which wasn't all that often) they were given the choice of corporal punishment or grounding, and all three of them would choose the spanking every time. Her children always seemed well adjusted. There were no signs that they were less empathetic than other children, and they were certainly not violent themselves. I think there is a lot of emotion attached to this topic. I understand it isn't pleasant to see children being smacked. But I don't feel that a blanket ban will have the desired effect, and it MAY have unexpected undesirable effects if children who would have been smacked just end up with very little discipline being applied at all.

No not at all. Obviously there's a big difference between a smack and a beating. I would love to see the cane brought back into schools - it might teach the little shits some respect!

Trilateral that cold, calculated approach gives me chills. I can understand a frantic, panicked overreaction much better than making a calm and considered choice to inflict pain on my own child - it goes against every maternal instinct I have. Perhaps this is also because I am aware of plenty of research proving that physical punishment does not help to create a moral compass in children but does develop their skills as more accomplished liars - so it is very clear that it is not an effective method of discipline in terms of the child's overall development and behaviour.

In terms of policing it - no, don't go throwing parents in jail for a frantic, panicky, one-off mistake. What I'd like to see is for hitting children to become illegal and for this change to be accompanied by a clear and informative campaign outlining exactly why it is a poor choice of punishment. I think the problem is that a lot of people think it is acceptable because 'it never did me any harm' and they may not question it. A change in the law with plenty of information about why may help to change attitudes so that smacking becomes increasingly unacceptable and eventually dies out altogether.

I cannot not believe some some one is smacking their 13 month old because they are not eating their dinner properly. I bet meal times for that baby are hellish.

I just can't get my head around the fact people think it's ok to inflict pain on children - in the name of decipline. I wonder f they take the same veiw on animals and elderly impaired people.

I never ever want my child to be physically frightened of me. I used to get a leathering of my mother, it never stopped me from playing up, I just got used to it.

I don't like all the talk of punishment, discussingespecially when talking about going children and toddlers. The things people are saying need to be punished all seem like totally normal toddler behaviour that just needs to be managed and guided by adults, not punished. If my two year old throws a wooden block I tell him we shouldn't do that because it could break something, and then redirect him to soft toys we can throw around somewhere safe, or move the blocks out of his reach if he persists. Not all undesirable behaviorsneed punishing out of children.

bartman yes that will do the trick

Agree with hopalong

Mishmash - she said she didn't smack her 13 month - keep up or have some coffee.

"it goes against every maternal instinct I have."

It's not something I would choose myself, yet the mother in question was incredibly kind, thoughtful and loving. My personal opinion was that in many ways she was a better mother than I was. The spanking was done as part of a parenting package and not in isolation. I think that these subjects are very difficult to research.

I realise it's a massive generalisation, but I think that often parents who routinely smack are often parents who haven't got very well developed parenting skills. So any research is likely to end up skewed. Parents who thoughtlessly use smacking are also likely to be the same parents who are likely to fail to instil any moral compass. Whether the smacking CAUSED the problems, it's difficult to say as smacking is not done in isolation, it's part of a parenting package which can be good or bad in other ways.

I very much agree that what is needed is a clear and informative campaign, and just a blanket ban where smacking is made illegal, and nothing else is done is not necessarily the best way forward.

. At the time I knew her, when they had misbehaved (which wasn't all that often) they were given the choice of corporal punishment or grounding, and all three of them would choose the spanking every time*

Clearly the spanking had NO effect what so ever and their mother SHOULD have gone with the grounding which they were clearly desperate to avoid

And what a weird 'hypothetical' scenario about a 13 month old not eating as though the only response would be smacking them. Surely no one would do that? Imagine the problems with eating you would be storing up for that child's future! That's the oddest thing I think I've ever seen posted on a smacking thread!