To ask should smacking children be banned.

[HadABadDay2014]

Just seen this on the welsh news.

I am not perfect and once I have smacked ds felt awful and never did it again.

Now I know if this was a patient at work or a member of the public I would had been arrested and highly likely ended up with a criminal record and lost my job.

So the question is should snaking children be banned.

It doesn't really bother me if a parent wants to use smacking as part of their discipline toolkit. I'm merely arguing as to why I personally don't find it necessary, and then when questioned, why I personally don't choose to use it.

I probably do lots of things that other parents would choose not to do. I let my child have a lot of screen time, for example. I expect there are some fantastic arguments as to why it's unnecessary (well duh, of course it is!) and even, why it is preferable not to allow children access to screens. (This is a matter of opinion, which I don't hold.)

I don't see it as "pro smacking vs anti smacking" particularly. I just disagree with the idea that smacking is necessary, and I will happily argue my point with anybody who thinks that it is.

If somebody actually came on one of these threads and said "Yeah, smacking is unnecessary. I could handle stuff a different way. But I choose this (because, X, Y, Z)" then I'd respect that and say OK, let's agree to disagree. But it does wind me up (irrationally, probably!) when people insist that it is necessary because I just don't believe it. It makes me think that they must feel pretty bad about it to insist that they only do it because they have to. Just be confident in your own parenting decisions!

What it does harm IMO is the trust in the parent
The child needs to trust in the parent to be in control IMO.they need the parent to be stronger than them so they feel secure. I don't know if you have seen those kids running riot on programmes like 'Supernanny'whre they spend literally hours (and I do mean literally) returning them to the naughty step.They need a parent to take control!

I would never ever smack in anger

So you actually plan out the punishment? I don't know what is worse, lashing out in anger or plotting how to punish a small child physically.

People who agree with smacking can't deny that it is anything else but a physical punishment. Which is a lazy and ineffective method of parenting, not to mention teaching bad standards. Violence solves nothing and don't give me any crap either that it isn't violence when you raise a hand to another living creature.

My mother said she smacked me once when I threw a tantrum in a supermarket. It did no good and she felt hideous about it. We never got smacked again.

I find some of these comments really worrying.

If somebody actually came on one of these threads and said "Yeah, smacking is unnecessary. I could handle stuff a different way. But I choose this (because, X, Y, Z)" then I'd respect that and say OK, let's agree to disagree.

Well I have said that Bertie.Somebody asked me if I though smacking was necessary to effectively parent and I said no and explained my reasons for doing so.

I don't like Supernanny. And I think that a parent can be in control in other ways.

OK Irene fair enough :)

Love all of the 'tapping' that is now going on. So.... is tapping the new smacking?

When a light tap on the bottom is being called violent abuse, hitting, lashing out in anger, cold blooded physical punishment and on and on then I think it's fair to describe my action as tapping. All this emotive language and talk of emotionally damaged children is way over the top in most parents (mine certainly) lives.

Children know when they are loved and are happier with boundaries. When this includes the odd tap on the bottom it's not going to change that.

I suppose tapping is a lot more palatable than hitting or smacking.

I had no idea the word 'hit' was emotive.

I don't smack, I don't use punishment of any kind, it's pretty useless as a tactic.

It is beyond me why it is illegal to hit an adult but not a child.

The word "tapping" is anodyne and insidious.

Gobblers- don't punish either.

Tapping is not enough to hurt but done suddenly will shock. It's ....what's that word I'm looking for ... descriptive. It is what it says it is. Done in other circumstances such as 'off to bed you little monkey (tap on the bottom) it's not even an issue. Smacking implies greater force and pain. Hitting is something drunk adults on a Friday night specialise in, and as for violent abuse.... Oh, look, another descriptive term!

If you were to say 'that man hit that child' I would say that's extremely emotive, as in, it provokes emotions of disgust and outrage.

Definition of tap ; to hit gently, if it's gentle it's not going to hurt right?
So why bother, what deterrent is a tap, it has to hurt to work surely, then it becomes a hit.
If you hit your children just admit it, I did once when I was furious, never again.

How many times must I repeat, tapping is not designed to hurt. It's a shock tactic to alert the child they are doing something dangerous!

Ah so workhouse, you are in the same boat as me in that I have tapped DS once! Toddlers and young children should not be hurt. If you've done that you are right to be furious with yourself. Loss of control is poor parenting.

If you were to say 'that man hit that child' I would say that's extremely emotive, as in, it provokes emotions of disgust and outrage.

Hey?????
So it's just a play on words by those who hit their children?

My mum used to hit me.
She also used to smack me.
What's the difference?

For me there was no difference.
The fear, pain and humiliation was always the same.

So you give your child a fright, you startle him- very strange parenting.
Equally you could jump out unexpectedly, grab them suddenly- I would hate to be a child of yours, I would be a bag of nerves.

The "tap" is not a punishment- just as way of scaring a child?

I didn't tap my DD when she was about four, twelve or so years ago, I grabbed her arm and hit her moderately hard her on the bottom when we were shopping. It wasn't hard enough to leave a mark. I was tired and frustrated, she had pulled the buggy over and shopping was rolling all over the road. I snapped and was absolutely ashamed of myself afterwards. I still believe it is wrong to hit children.

Typical minimising language.

It's not a hitting it's smacking

It's not smacking it's tapping

It doesn't hurt it shocks

It's not painful it stings

It's not abusive it's discipline

I sometimes wonder if people are trying to convince others or kid themselves.

I tap all members of my family, I tap my OH on the forearm to show hime some migrating geese. I tap my elderly mother to ask if she would like my tea, I tap my DD on the hand when she has her earphones on and I want to ask her something. I even tap my deaf cat to tell her food is out.

We can go on all night now the DC are in bed.

Tapping = smacking
Smacking = violent assault
Smacking = hitting

I'm amazed that you have seen me parenting...creeping up on the DC, frightening the lives out of them! Grabbing them suddenly for no apparent reason. Add a bit of colourful shaking like a dog and we will have the full fantasy picture. Ah, but I don't leave them sobbing on the naughty step like you do, distraught that mummy doesn't love them any more and traumatising them for life. Or the alternative, a parent constantly not allowing me to explore, learn my own limitations, telling me I mustn't do this and I mustn't do that.

Poor kids no wonder they don't need smacking, they are too mentally exhausted with your parenting style.

"Ah, but I don't leave them sobbing on the naughty step like you do, distraught that mummy doesn't love them any more and traumatising them for life. Or the alternative, a parent constantly not allowing me to explore, learn my own limitations, telling me I mustn't do this and I mustn't do that.
"

Not sure who you are talking about here.

Ah, but I don't leave them sobbing on the naughty step like you do, distraught that mummy doesn't love them any more and traumatising them for life.

So ridiculous it is almost funny

You carry on 'tapping' your kids.

Why are children so much worse behaved than generations that have gone before?
Why is the prison population so large?
Why are schools so disruptive? Teachers used to cope with classes of 45+ and produced better standards of reading writing and literacy than nowadays.
You find me a 60 year old who doesn't know his tables!

Also I would like to point out that my 4 children are aged between 20 and (nearly) 10.My husband and I are very close to them all and they are all well behaved empathetic individuals.

It's all down to lack of smacking, I suppose. I wonder why people aren't being told this useful fact by health visitors, GPs, counsellors, teachers and so on.

Or is it in fact due to a myriad of complex factors and massive changes in society in the post-war period?