To ask should smacking children be banned.

[HadABadDay2014]

Just seen this on the welsh news.

I am not perfect and once I have smacked ds felt awful and never did it again.

Now I know if this was a patient at work or a member of the public I would had been arrested and highly likely ended up with a criminal record and lost my job.

So the question is should snaking children be banned.

brooncoo no I don't think writing a social story to stop biting would work for every child, I don't think I claimed it would. It was a counter to Erica's assertion that the only way to stop biting is to bite a child. Clearly it isn't, because that isn't how I stopped my child.

Erica, my daughter is not biddable. In fact the reason the story worked so well is because, I suspect she may also have aspergers like her brothers. She needed the social aspects of the situation making crystal clear. She is however very bright and a story would not have worked for a child with less language comprehension. But damn sure biting her myself would not have worked either.

Of course it should be banned.

I'm sure it will be one day, I hope that day is soon.

Larfing at Bartman's view that caning would teach the kids respect.

For the most part, kids get their manners from their parents, so the parents should get the whack.

Far too many parents arc up when their PFB is given a detention, never mind a beating.

I'm finding it hard to think of a single teacher of my acquaintance who wouldn't regard this as repugnant.

Clearly the spanking had NO effect what so ever and their mother SHOULD have gone with the grounding which they were clearly desperate to avoid

So children who are grounded never reoffend? I have already stated that her children (who were well into their teenage years) were generally well behaved and seemed well-adjusted.

I don't believe it should be banned.
Feel free those who do and take a time machine and deal with one of my children at age 2-4 and show me how you adequately reason with the screaming writhing biting child.
Oh wait, with your excellent skills no writhing biting screaming child would have materialised!
It is also a step too far in terms of legislation in the home. There will be naughty word, tv and xbox time police next.

I think it should be illegal and parents offered support to learn other methods. In my experience smacking happens when the parent runs out if ideas / loses their temper.

Hmm, I'm not sure where I stand on the whole making smacking completely illegal thing as I'm not convinced that a very occasional smack from an otherwise consistently loving parent is really harmful, and those who are going to actually physically abuse their child will carry on doing so regardless of the law.

But I don't really get the 'you wouldn't do it to an adult' argument, there are lots of things that are acceptable to do to kids that you wouldn't to an adult.

For example if I came on here and told you that when we have an argument, my dh makes me sit on a 'naughty step' for a given period of time, and if I try to get off he consistently comes back and plonks me back on, and I can only get off when I am ready to apologise, then he would quite rightly be labelled as an abusive arsehole.

Yet it's a perfectly acceptable way to discipline a child.

I don't think it should be illegal, although I do think smacking is wrong and ineffective.

Problem is most parents have lost the plot and smacked their child at some time Or another and giving most parents a criminal record is not very productive either.

My smacking moment was dd1 repeatedly trying to stamp on her newborn brothers head while I was Trying to bf him.

Don't forget the sweet consumption, fizzy drinks patrolling, 5 a day, toothbrushing gestapo! (Lighthearted!!)

Why do people always trot out the 'you might need to smack them if they run out into the road' line?

I have 54 children and one attempted to run out. I never smacked them, a stern talking to worked and my natural reaction in a situation like that would be to grab them to stop them from running, not hitting them.

Smacking makes no sense and I like to teach my children that there are better ways of dealing with things, it is not acceptable to hit anyone just because you don't like their behaviour (excluding self defence where force may be needed)

Children deserve as much respect as adults.

Bloody hell.

54 children?

I don't have 54 children, I have 5.

Thing is that most abusive parents would also describe themselves as loving parents and call hitting punishment for bad behaviour.

If you smack or hit IMO you may love your kids but you are not a loving parent

Yes it absolutely should.

Smacking is lazy, lazy parenting and achieves nothing.

Instances of "slapping" a hand out of the way of danger are of course different - I did the same with DD as a smaller child when she almost got her fingers trapped in a metal door. I explained to her straight away that she wasn't in trouble, but I was frightened she would get hurt and it was a quicker way of making sure she was safe.

Yes, hitting children should be banned. I do not understand why this form of assault is still legal, it seems an anomaly in modern day society. I see hitting your child as the same as hitting your partner - the latter used to be legal, surely it is only a matter of time before children enjoy the same protections as a wife or husband.

I grew up in the 70s & my parents never hit me. Consequently, I never hit my children - because to me parenting did not include hitting. We could remove hitting children in one generation - I really believe that if you were never hit as a child, it does not occur to you to hit a child yourself.

My view on smacking is skewed by the fact that my MIL still smacks (or threatens to smack) my DH. She used to do it to me (I was 18 when we started dating) - it doesn't leave a mark, but does bloody hurt. She stopped when I started 'playfully' hitting her back, whenever she hit either of us but recently she's started hitting DH (he's in his 30s) again if he does something she disapproves of. This might be not having time to do something for her, or having an opinion she doesn't agree with - or even ordering himself food that she wouldn't like. She doesn't do it in anger, it simply to her is the way she has always got him to do as he's told. It is exactly the same behaviour she showed when he was a child and he puts up with it because he's too kind not to. To me, it's abusive - do what I say or I'll hurt you, not do what I say because I'm teaching you how to behave. Watching that dynamic in an adult/adult relationship makes me feel even more certain that I would never hit my children - and no-one else will either (MIL won't be left alone with them).

"I disagree showy, also not singling you out, it's just I remember your comment. I understand your reasons for thinking my actions are wrong, I accepted that in my first comment because I said.... I know I am in the minority. But at 2 years old, dc did not understand that biting was not ok. She was angry and frustrated, she could not understand verbally she was not mature enough to empathise "

Iwannalay, of course a 2yo doesn't understand pain felt by others, empathy has to be learned over time. They are innately selfish beings when young. Which is why it is our job to teach them these things. What you taught her was not that biting hurts or that there are better ways or that frustration and anger can be chanelled in other ways. You taught her that you would physically hurt her if she bit somebody. It's a strange thing to do. Don't hurt other children or I'll hurt you. It's a very mixed message. It also solves the immediate problem but teaches nothing apart from it's okay to hit somebody if you're bigger than them.

I repeat, I had a biter. His worst biting was under 2 years of age. I taught and guided him to make better choices. It was hard work. It wasn't the short, sharp smack that some parents dole out. But that's the point isn't it? Effective parenting takes time and patience and it's dull and exhausting and frustrating. And because we don't have the support or time or 'training' in it, I can see why it doesn't always work like that.

Erica I have four children. Three have AS, No violence here.

Of course it should be banned! I do agree though that there is a difference between a good parent losing it once and an abuser.
Dh was smacked once by his mum, she cried afterwards and apologised, he can still remember it but his parents were generally good parents.
My parents used smacking as their primary form of discipline and discipline to them meant we had to cry. My mother would hit on every syllable she spoke. I was smacked until I left at 19.
Me and one of my brothers rarely cried when hit (though we were the two most sensitive and most upset by it) so we'd get hit harder and harder then sent to room, then lectured for days on end about one unimportant little thing. Apparently "nothing worked" because I didn't cry or flinch or react in any way at all.
The truth is I was beyond crying and there was no point anyway, she'd smirk at me and tell me I deserved it.
Smacking is shit and should absolutely be banned.

Ban it now. It's terrible that people are allowed to hit children...who have no way of defending themselves. If I hit my adult sister...or if my Mum hit my adult brother, then that would be a case for the courts...why then is it acceptable to hit tiny children??

children have rights...they have the right to go about their business of learning without the threat of violence...and even a little slap is violence. Yes they do things that could be dangerous but slapping them is not the way to teach...explanations and education are the best way....if that fails then removal of privilege. It's not hard.

of course it should be banned! you can't hit people! especially children!

We used to get smacked on the hand with rulers at school, it didn't do us any harm.
Childrens behavior and lack of respect has declined in the years since schools/parents were not allowed to punish children.

The odd tap on the hand or bottom is ok in my opinion but there are people that abuse children horrifically so a total ban is probably the best thing to safeguard the children at risk from abusive parents.

I always read these and think what happens then if a parent does smack?
Supervision from SS (yeah cos they have plenty of time right!)? fine? send them to prison? take the children into care?
I think it is more or less unworkable ....abuse is different -but a smack?
Who is going to know? The child reporting the parents? The parents trying to get children to cover up for the fact they have been smacked - which when/if it comes out raises the question could they be hiding something worse?
Just interested in how the 'ban it' people propose to deal with a ban...

ShitonaStick - you were clearly being abused. A parent who is constantly smacking a child, shouting at them, sending them to their room, telling them they are rubbish etc is being abusive. That is already a criminal offence, and even if not bad enough to be prosecuted, the child can be taken away. It is in no way comparable to the very occasional smack that many good parents give. I don't think that every smack in any situation should essentially be assumed to constitute abuse.
The parent/child relationship is in no way the same as the adult / person in the street who annoys you, or nurse / patient etc relationship. For those who've mentioned the "demented" (was the word used), those who care for them are given the power to physically restrain them, to shut them in their room, and to administer calming medication. That is certainly not a comparable relationship.

unlucky83 I am sure the same arguments were used when wife beating was banned. Or when it was legally recognised a man could rape his wife - how could it be policed, interfering in the home etc.

But most people tend to be law abiding and if they are told something is illegal are less likely to do it. And if you are not hit as a child, you are very unlikely to hit your own child.

It then becomes ingrained in the fabric of society that hitting your children is not OK. Like drink driving used to be considered not that bad, but now is generally seen as heinous.

If you are told it is perfectly legal to hit your child, then you think that it is a socially acceptable thing to do. Changing the law is the first step to changing society's attitude to hitting children.

I don't think men are very often prosecuted for raping their wives, unless they are already estranged and living apart, and he then stalks and rapes her in revenge. Is anyone aware of a wife in an ongoing bed-sharing relationship with her husband having him prosecuted for rape? the case which brought about the change in the law was one where the man and wife were estranged and he followed her and attacked her with great violence (I think it was in a public toilet). So not "within the home".
I also very much doubt that a woman who went to the police claiming that her husband had hit her in the home, with no physical mark on her let alone witnesses, would get the police to prosecute.