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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To buy my DP'S socks? If I am, why?

142 replies

hickorychicken · 11/02/2014 15:03

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OP posts:
VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 12/02/2014 13:37

Also I am the kind of perosn who isn't really in to clothes, dh is always dressed nicely/ironed/clean.. I'm a bit of a scruff. But I'd be really offended if he started ironging my clothes and bringing me home a new wardrobe because he didn't approve of the way I looked

Calloh · 12/02/2014 13:39

Oh my god, who cares I don't know why but I'm finding it really annoying that people give this much of a shit about the purchasing patterns of other people's underwear.

This is definitely not a new frontier of feminism, it's how other people's relationships work for them.

I agree with SirChenjin,there is much weirder stuff in the world then a wife picking up some socks for her husband in Tescos.

Disclaimer: I am a sock-buying deviant.

Martorana · 12/02/2014 14:17

"This is definitely not a new frontier of feminism"

Sadly not- it's a really old one!

SirChenjin · 12/02/2014 15:48

Agree Calloh.

Let's keep it in perspective - it's socks.

Martorana · 13/02/2014 08:53

It might be just socks- but it is also the automatic assumption that the responsibility for another adult's "personal care" lies with somebody else. "Picking up socks with the other shopping" is one thing-"He would look like a tramp if I didn't buy his clothes" is something else.

And the undeniable fact is that it is always women who take this sort of responsibility for men. And the fact that people think it's prefectly normal shows how many of these infantilized men there are. It all ties in with "oh, he can't cook" "he doesn't see dirt"" it's easier to do all the housework myself" "he's very good,he helps me with the baby a lot"

We're talking about adults who hold down jobs, and tasks that aren't rocket science.........

Balaboosta · 13/02/2014 09:49

If you're buying socks because you noticed -this morning when you stole some-- that his are getting tatty or he asked you to get some while you were out then fine. If you're buying them because poor love he's utterly useless at that sort of thing and just wouldn't have any at all if I didn't take responsibility then not fine.

^ This. curlew nailed it up-thread.

madmomma · 13/02/2014 10:31

I like buying my husband's socks and other clothes. It's an act of love and caring from me to him. He would wear the same old shit clothes for the rest of his life because he will never spend any money on himself. I don't like that, so I keep him topped up. He does millions of kind things for me that make me feel cared for - cooking me special meals, bringing home treats, paying for everything. I don't think it's unhealthy to have a bit of mothering/fathering in a relationship, so long as it feels reciprocal. I wouldn't have my marriage any different.

madmomma · 13/02/2014 10:37

Is it fuck 'seriously odd' to buy all your partner's clothes. I know loads of women who do. If you're with a man who has no interest in clothes, and you are a person who enjoys clothes shopping (not an uncommon combination) then it makes sense. You wouldn't say it was 'seriously odd' if a man was fucking wearing his wife's clothes, but because a traditional arrangement works for some couples somehow that's seriously odd because it doesn't work for you?

gotthemoononastick · 13/02/2014 10:45

Sneaking in to the thread..I buy for five 'boys 'ranging from 60+down to 35 years old.

My brain is a computer of sizes , styles and colours.

I distribute worldwide,because I like 'naice' neat underwear on mine.

Hands Custardo a double gin for shock.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 13/02/2014 10:46

Just saying that I've never looked at this thread before but every time I see the title I read it as 'bury' my husband's socks, in the end I cracked and had to see if it'd strayed off topic Grin

I buy clothes for my DH as if I didn't he'd never spend any money on himself or have anything new. He's not at all tight but he just doesn't think about spending on himself.

SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 13:35

It is just socks - seriously, stop making such a big deal about it. There are plenty of women who don't do anything in the way of car maintenance, or mow the loan, or do any DIY - infantilising goes on on both sides of the sexual fence.

Do I care? Nope. If it works for you and your marriage/partneship, so be it .

Calloh · 13/02/2014 13:46

Weirdly the most traditionally gendered relationship I know is between a lesbian couple. The one who stays at home does all cooking, gets housekeeping and is primarily responsible for childcare. The one who works sorts all bills, all lawn mowing and DIY and is useless at picking up the bath mat.

Anyway I've strayed from my point.

Again SirChenjin nails it. There is a division of labour in most relationships and just because someone is responsible for a specific area does not infantilise the one who is not.

Martorana · 13/02/2014 15:31

"Is it fuck 'seriously odd' to buy all your partner's clothes. I know loads of women who do."

Doesn't mean it's not seriously odd, thought! Grin

Martorana · 13/02/2014 15:33

Not being able to buy your own pants is a bit different from not being able to change the brake pads on a Ford cortina.......

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK · 13/02/2014 15:37

OH had frostbite a couple of years back from work and the circulation in his toes is dreadful. He's very much a shrug and get on with it kind of guy whereas I like him having all of his toes and them not dropping off in bed, so I have bought him thick socks on occasion when no, he probably wouldn't have gone out and got them of his own accord. Grin

SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 16:10

Not being able to buy your own pants is a bit different from not being able to change the brake pads on a Ford cortina.......

Who's talking about changing brake pads on a classic car?

DCexpat · 13/02/2014 16:45

Do you mind buying socks for him? Would you rather he bought them himself? I had a coworker who was 24 and had never bought his own clothes. His mother mailed him new clothes a few times a year!

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