To buy my DP'S socks? If I am, why?

[hickorychicken]

...

I do. DP works full time (in a location far from any shops) and commutes. I'm a PhD student in an arts subject, I do most of my work from home or the library. My working day is flexible, thus I can get into town while shops are open much more easily than he can - and the library is in town. If he needs something dull like socks or underwear it is much more convenient for me to pick them up while I'm there anyway, and it would seem ridiculous to force him to make a special trip on a Saturday just for a few pairs of socks.

When either of us needs clothes (beyond socks/underwear/tights type basics), we usually go shopping together, both for a 'how does this look' type of second opinion and for the company. We usually have to go to a different town for it so we try to make it into a day out. the things we do for entertainment here in the arse end of nowhere:D

I can honestly say I have never noticed the state of my partner's socks. I suppose if I were going to some kind of emporium that sold socks and he asked me to get him some I would pick them up, but otherwise it would never occur to him.

I do ask him to get me socks sometimes. I am quite a socks fiend (fnar) and get v overexcited at the thought of particularly fine and woolly ones.

I cannot imagine packing for him. He'd probably request a mental health assessment for me, in fact.

OTOH I am sure that if I asked him to buy me some crotchless itchy pants he'd graciously concede to my request, you're right, LRD.

Ah see, I think there's a theme, those who's DH/Ps moved from being looked after by their mum to their partner. I think this should be linked to the "at what age should your DCs leave home?" thread, because men who've never lived without a woman looking after them are rather different to those who had a gap between it being mum's job to look after them to being the DPs!

I guess it's that DH had lived alone for a number of years before I met him, if he didn't occur to him to buy clothes for himself, he'd have run out of clothes. For those who's DH would complain that they didn't have any, that clearly shows they believe it's your job/responsibilty. DH wouldn't complain he didn't have socks. If they are in the washing basket, I'll wash them, or he can. If they have holes in, it's his responsibility to buy more, or at least ask me to pick some up. It's not my job.

Naoko - there's difference (at least in my mind) between your DH asking you to pick some up when they realise they need socks, and it being your job to monitor if they are needed.

I dont monitor, i notice

Are you trying to say the sock buying womens dp/dh's are children?

Got to disagree Mary, its to do with the partners expectations of being with a grown man or a child, DH has only ever lived with me or his mother and is perfectly capable of buying his own socks or indeed doing anything else which is required as a normal if boring part of life.

DH was at boarding school from 11 and then lived alone until 24 when he moved in with me. he is perfectly capable but I am better placed to do it.

bugs me how any DW who looks after her DP/H in a more 'old fashioned' or 'traditional' manner is automatically a doormat and the DP/H is a 'manchild' on here.

it would be silly of me to let DH sort it himself when it is so much easier and more beneficial to our family time at weekends/evenings for him not to have to do it.

I buy socks for H as I am usually the one shopping and he has such ridiculously large feet that if I see some in his size (14!) I buy several packs and he is always very grateful. He never buys my underwear after the famous "underwear for Xmas case of 2007" where according to him I was a size 18 bottom (I was a 12) and a 30B top (I was 34DD!) :o

Spot on Queen.
I love doing things for dp

bugs me how any DW who looks after her DP/H in a more 'old fashioned' or 'traditional' manner is automatically a doormat and the DP/H is a 'manchild' on here

same here, we have limited family time which is ultra precious to us, dh cant access shops from work ....all week we are on the school work treadmill and i woud rather be out and about at weekends, not dh in sshop wasting time buying chuddies or socks

oopp didnt read this part!

it would be silly of me to let DH sort it himself when it is so much easier and more beneficial to our family time at weekends/evenings for him not to have to do it

x post, totally agree.

Glad to hear it Rhonda! It did seem that a few were saying "oh, they've never bought their own, MIL did it, then I did" and it just seemed like you weren't moving in with an equal partner, but someone who needed to be mothered.

I can't imagine how it would happen that someone who'd lived on their own long enough to need to aquire new socks would think that once they were living with someone socks no longer had to be bought, but just arrived in the sock drawer, but it makes more sense that someone wouldn't think to buy their own socks if they'd never had to do it...

DH buys his own socks. If I'm going shopping, he may possibly ask me to pick some up (and vice versa) but I would have no idea when he needed more.

I can understand the reasoning that sometimes it's more practical for one of the couple to get to the shops than the other. Makes perfect sense. What I don't understand is when it's also the partner's job to realize that socks are needed. The expectation that socks will be replaced as needed takes the relationship from 'helpful partner, using time sensibly' to 'servant'. Or at least that's how it feels to me.

Queen - it is a bit "manchild" if it's the case that it's not just someone else buying them ,but someone else being responsible for making the decision if you need new underwear/socks. but that doesn't means it's 'wrong' or 'unreasonable' if it works for your relationship to 'mother' your DH a bit, I'm just facinated how that happened, if he asked you to take on this job, or you just decided to do it and it suited him to not bother anymore, so didn't say anything about it. If you volunteered or your 'super busy' dh asked you to take over the decision making about if he needed socks and pants.

I personally couldn't stand to be with someone who needed to be 'looked after' but I know so many woman really realish that sort of relationship and wouldn't be happy with someone who resisted being taken care of - it's just a problem when you have someone who doesn't want to have that sort of relationship with someone who doesn't want to look after themselves. (DH also works in the city and isn't really keen on shopping, but I guess years of living alone followed by living with me working the same long hours meant that he was to get in the habit of sorting things for himself - thinking about it, most of his clothing does come from on-line shopping.)

Well, I am usually also the one that realises he needs new socks, mostly because most of the laundry passes through my hands and I throw away the holey/ratty looking ones. (I am no downtrodden housewife, I pick up a larger share of the housework due to having more time for it, but rest assured DP does a fair share proportionate to time available). So again this makes sense to me.

It'd bother me if I had to buy all DP's clothes, because I'm not his mother - but 'DP out of socks' is pretty much on the same level as 'out of shower gel' for me, it goes on the shopping list and I grab more. I don't see it as a fundamental issue. It would be if he expected me to do it, because it were my job as a woman or whatever, but he doesn't. I do it because this is how things have worked out in our household due to our circumstances;, he's perfectly capable of doing it himself and has demonstrated this in the past, and continues to do so with things that actually require thought and input. Which in my mind, socks and underwear don't. If he were going to be fussy about it, I'd probably tell him to bloody well sort it himself. But seeing as he's perfectly content with 3-pairs-for-not-a-lot-of-£ from a supermarket black socks, I just cannot get worked up about it.

NO, one person buying for another out of pracality- not a man child.

Buying because the other person cant be trusted and "would just wear holey out of shape ones"-man child

Also, so what if they do? No one can see their socks, they obviously aren't that bothered about their socks. It doesn't reflect badly on you if they have crappy socks on

Like Minesapintoftea I sort of took over where DMIL left off and now the DDs join in in project make DH look faintly respectable outside the office.

I'm absolutely certain, DH could just manage suficient trips to M&S to buy suits, smart shirts and ties, but casual is beyond him

Yeah I see no problem with it.

The only time I do is when someone will say - I have to because otherwise he wouldn't have any clean socks/underwear etc.

If you honestly think that if your adult partner was single he would be that incapable of buying these basic things then that's pretty worrying.

I do the laundry so I notice when things wear out/need replacing. DH will sometimes mention that he needs a new x,y z but usually I notice first. it just developed that way when I became a SAHM, I do all the household stuff, he brings home the bacon as it were. works blissfully for us.

its no different to the fact that just because I don't go out to work, does that mean I couldn't do it? of course not. should circumstance demand it I would get a job and work hard. if circumstances demanded DH sort his own shopping then he would. in both cases it would take time to get used to it as haven't done it in a while but we'd both manage it.

and for the record, I do not 'mother' my DH. I am a housewife, these jobs fall into my to-do list therefore I do them willingly. I am not and will never be his 'mother'.

Yes, I frequently buy DH socks, underpants and clothes.

He would look like a complete tramp if I didn't. He hates shopping.

"He would look like a complete tramp if I didn't. He hates shopping."

He wouldn't once he and been inappropriately dressed at a ork meeting once or twice.

"Like Minesapintoftea I sort of took over where DMIL left off and now the DDs join in in project make DH look faintly respectable outside the office"

And will your dds do the same for their menchildren too when they grow up?

Surely whether a man is man or not doesn't come down to if he buys his own socks

If I was with a man who did it wouldn't bother me at all either way, I mean how often do socks need to be brought?

The last time I got some (fascinating conversation), I brought a job lot of M&S plain black ones, about 15 pairs if not more.

They will probably last 5 years..

and I wear them too

Job done, normal life comences?

My partner usually does our washing but that doesn't mean he monitors the state of my socks, though!

If he says "when you are at the shops today could you pick me up some new socks please" then I will get him some new socks. Otherwise he buys his own socks as I have no idea if he needs them.

I wouldn't trust him to buy my tights - he is colour blind and it would be a leap of faith.

Like Mary, I really don't want to look after another adult. I have two children already.