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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think MNers can be better than this

654 replies

IceBeing · 05/02/2014 17:52

OPs may be ignorant, they maybe obtuse, they may be in the wrong and they may be trolls...

but how can dozens upon dozens of swearing riddled instructions to carry out intimate acts be considered a reasonable response?

For some people MN is the first forum they frequent. It is perfectly possible to post something that is innocently ignorant yet massively outrageous to MNers. Then suddenly you are being called all the names under the sun and told to fuck yourself preferably until dead? really?

Believe me it can be a massive shock that people say things on the internet they would never say in real life. It is possible to feel very very frightened and threatened by such an onslaught.

AIBU to think if the last 5 posters have covered the 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' angle then maybe you don't need to stick the boot in too?

The best case scenario is that the person on the other end is indeed a troll....in which case why are you giving them what they want?

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 05/02/2014 22:22

FFS chill Op, it's just a website.
You're getting way too angry about this. If I got this angry and upset by MN or any other forum I'd know it's time to leave and get a life.

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 22:23

worra message understood....will crank down the estimate of readers intelligence.....

Are you suggesting that anyone who didn't get your 'irony' lacks intelligence?

It wasn't obvious at all that your troll hunting was ironic.

And it wouldn't necessarily be obvious to MNHQ if they spotted 'ironic troll hunting' from members, or to the people who might report it to them.

Hence my suggestion that you just probably just stay within the talk guidelines, like you're asking everyone else to do.

TrampledUnderfoot · 05/02/2014 22:28

She meant it.

She thought I was a trolling.

And her talking about posters lacking intelligence doesn't exactly buy into her 'you can make your point without resorting to PA school of mnetting'

Funnyfoot · 05/02/2014 22:29

Ice I really do think you need to un-twist your knickers you're using capitals and saying the word feck! Smile
I understand your point, I have been on the receiving end of troll hunting. However it didn't kill me and I came back. There are enough posters on each thread to give a balanced opinion so genuine posters can see past the nastiness that is directed by those who's troll radar is in over drive.
Mine is defunct and while lurking I was drawn in on a regular basis. I did hope it would kick in once I re-registered but nope still broke Grin

YouTheCat · 05/02/2014 22:34

The fact is though, whether another poster chooses to tell someone to fuck off or not is entirely their business and is for MNHQ to deal with.

Telling other posters what you think they should or shouldn't post just gets people's backs up.

alreadytaken · 05/02/2014 22:34

Icebeing if you wanted to find like minded people you wouldn't have started this thread in AIBU. Some people who feel as you do decide to keep out of AIBU and use only the less insane parts of the site and others just leave. Over time the site has been taken over by the abusive, who don't seem to have lives away from mumsnet, and by those too afraid to speak out against them.

I've more or less stopped posting on mumsnet after being subjected to a load of abuse for daring to want to continue a conversation when a few people decided to stop it. I was told I'd started, under a different name, a thread that I hadn't posted on and although mumsnet would have been able to tell that wasn't true they refused to confirm it, thus supporting and perpetuating the abuse.

The site is as it is because Mumsnet HQ do not regulate it and will not regulate it unless and until sufficient people demand it (probably on twitter). And as most people who feel the way you do have a life that is more important to them than mumsnet that isn't likely to happen.

Once courted for the informed debate you could get here, now the site is feared - but despised - as a rabble. Dont waste your time on it.

YouTheCat · 05/02/2014 22:41

I've been here a couple of years on and off. Anyone who would fear an internet forum made up primarily of parents needs to switch off the computer and take up macramé or something.

I've seen this 'rabble' offer advice and support numerous times. I've even seen other posters offer financial and practical help. Yes, there are bunfights and major disagreements.

I'll take the good, thanks, rather than dwell on the bad. And suggest if you really dislike this place so much that you don't bother with it.

MistressDeeCee · 05/02/2014 22:45

fuck yourself preferably until dead?

really?Shock

I must be blind as have never, ever seen a comment like that. I see the C word a lot which makes me Hmm at times as I dont like it much, but thats about it

Maryz · 05/02/2014 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HettiePetal · 05/02/2014 22:47

Only read as far as page 4 (my blood pressure is nice and low & I'd like to keep it that way), but I totally agree with you, Ice. The pack mentality on this site is quite breathtaking at times.

And, of course, the usual names are here arguing with you and just not getting the point.

There is a reason why troll hunting is against the rules - and that is, for those of you too obtuse to figure it out, because you NEVER KNOW for certain that it is actually a troll. I have seen a large number of obviously innocent posters with unusual problems get the absolute shit kicked out of them. Usually someone with a brain shows up to defend them and the tide turns, but they've still had to cope with a contingent of thickos calling them every name under the sun.

Presumably everyone knows the rules by now, right? So why don't you just report then hide the thread?

I know why - showing off to your online buddies. It's that pathetic.

Oh, and by the way - if someone has a different opinion to you they are not a "goody fucker" (although I shudder to use that stupid, infantile phrase even as a quote).

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/02/2014 22:48

Telling someone to go fuck themselves is not against talk guidelines.

It's a honestly held belief in the instruction you are issuing

catsrus · 05/02/2014 22:59

ice does not need to go off and start her own forum Hmm because what she is saying very clearly is that people should just follow the rules of THIS forum. The rules of this forum prohibit troll hunting - not to protect trolls but to protect innocent posters from the vigilantes.

How hard is that to understand ?

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 23:00

Hettie

I have seen the "turning the tide" thing before, yes.

A tone being set in the first few posts (lots of "get a grips, FFs, eye rolling), and then someone more thoughtful comes on and the politeness and reasonableness improves

ouryve · 05/02/2014 23:01

There is no rule stating that you have to read all 200 posts of a thread before posting, though, catsrus.

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 23:03

there's no rule ouvyre, but you do run the risk of looking foolish or seeming rude by not keeping up with what is, really, a conversation.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/02/2014 23:04

In the time it takes for MN to delete a thread it is sometimes too late, and innocent posters have already got over invested or hurt.
To me most trolls are obvious, if I'm in any doubt I don't post.
There's people that have been here for many years, they've always been proved right IME.
I like to get a warning from them.

YouTheCat · 05/02/2014 23:05

Why is it a 'pack mentality' just because people have the same view? Lots of people do have the same views on things.

My views are my own. If I agree with the previous 30 posters on a thread that is purely coincidental. Just because some people might be total sheep does not mean that everyone is.

catsrus · 05/02/2014 23:09

If everyone who posted a troll baiting message on a thread just reported it instead then the volume of messages received would probably escalate the MNHQ response.

HettiePetal · 05/02/2014 23:11

That's not the point, is it?

You are either interested in following the rules of the site, or you are not. One of them is don't troll hunt. If you'll reserve the right to break the rules based on your own judgement of whether it's an obvious troll or not, then why shouldn't we all just behave that way?

YouTheCat · 05/02/2014 23:11

But you have no idea how many people saw that thread and reported it without troll baiting in the first place, so it's impossible to say that it would speed up the response time.

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 23:12

If you want to work for MNHQ - apply for a job there, until then worry about how you post and keep your neb out of how others post. Especially when you aren't exactly lilly white yourself Hmm

If you want to make the rules, enforce the rules and generally tell everyone how they should post, then setting up your own forum is the way forward :)

HettiePetal · 05/02/2014 23:14

You can discern pack mentality by the number of people who will insult someone with a different view point rather than engage with a discussion. That happens loads on here. Just loads.

zzzzz · 05/02/2014 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 05/02/2014 23:22

Hettie, they might just agree with each other and if it is an inflammatory thread they might post first then think and come back for a debate.

People do post in anger. It doesn't mean they're a pack.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/02/2014 23:27

The rules of the site also include no trolling. Doesn't stop them though and we're getting more and more of them. I don't believe half of what's written on MN these days.
We're supposed to self regulate, that should include expressing doubt about a poster.