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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think MNers can be better than this

654 replies

IceBeing · 05/02/2014 17:52

OPs may be ignorant, they maybe obtuse, they may be in the wrong and they may be trolls...

but how can dozens upon dozens of swearing riddled instructions to carry out intimate acts be considered a reasonable response?

For some people MN is the first forum they frequent. It is perfectly possible to post something that is innocently ignorant yet massively outrageous to MNers. Then suddenly you are being called all the names under the sun and told to fuck yourself preferably until dead? really?

Believe me it can be a massive shock that people say things on the internet they would never say in real life. It is possible to feel very very frightened and threatened by such an onslaught.

AIBU to think if the last 5 posters have covered the 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' angle then maybe you don't need to stick the boot in too?

The best case scenario is that the person on the other end is indeed a troll....in which case why are you giving them what they want?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 07/02/2014 16:10

With this thread in mind I have just stopped myself from saying something exceedingly sarcastic to a preposterously stupid stating of the bleeding obvious post on another thread I'm on

Don't write that. Whenever people do I want to know the thread so I can point and laugh at the stupid person too.

And that is completely against the spirit of this thread.

And I am better than that. I really am Wink

LtEveDallas · 07/02/2014 16:11

I've just done some advanced searching Mintyy, even limiting myself to 6 months and thread titles I pulled up more threads than I could link.

NigellasGuest · 07/02/2014 16:12

calculus? eh? Confused Confused

2tiredtocare · 07/02/2014 16:12

That's not surprising though is it, unless they are all by similar OP's

Pagwatch · 07/02/2014 16:13

I should invent 'vent diagrams'

It's where there is a section for all the disparate groups of people moaning about other posters endlessly overlap with all those who hate aibu and those who hate regulars and those who hate the bullying and those who ......

It is apt innit ? Venting Grin

Mintyy · 07/02/2014 16:13

I'll pm you Grin.

Hullygully · 07/02/2014 16:14

Vent diagrams

yes

frumpypigskin · 07/02/2014 16:17

I've only managed to read 8 pages so far but it seems to me that the crux of this is what is the appropriate response to trolls?

It seems the thread is divided between people who feel it's appropriate to tell them to fuck off, and those that feel that if you suspect a troll you should not engage but report the thread (as MNHQ suggest).

Taking the second option is not defending the trolls, it's refusing to play the troll's game.

Don't go on a poo thread in order to start shouting righteous indignation. If you suspect it's a thread started by a troll, don't bloody read it.

I didn't see the thread that started this thread. It sounded offensive, but personally I would take the second course of action. I have enough to get pissed off about in real life, I don't need to get irate about people who make stuff up on the internet.

NewtRipley · 07/02/2014 16:19

frumpy

That is the crux on which the hinge pivots

Some people want a good old shout - some think it's a bit pointless.

Hullygully · 07/02/2014 16:21

IT'S NOT ABOUT TROLLS PER SE

IT'S ABOUT A PILING IN RESPONSE WITH NASTINESS

Hullygully · 07/02/2014 16:21

I DO wish people would address The Point

The Damn Point

NewtRipley · 07/02/2014 16:22

Hully

Am I addressing it?

I can't keep up

Mintyy · 07/02/2014 16:25

You have to be careful with accusations of piling on tho'. Doesn't that imply that there is some agreement or collusion between the respondees, when in reality that might all feel genuinely irritated/angry separately and feel it is their right to express it?

Its a bit like saying that royalty all stick together and say the same thing. Its difficult territory.

NewtRipley · 07/02/2014 16:28

Mintyy

That is true

I think of piling in as one person setting a tone, which makes the same tone more permissible

I freely admit my own bee in bonnet is about telling people to get a grip or that they are loons. That's no rational argument

limitedperiodonly · 07/02/2014 16:31

I was on a thread recently where I agreed strongly with the OP and had written a couple of supportive posts.

But then I pulled up one poster for supporting the OP but saying something very crass and unhelpful about something very dear to my heart - my livelihood and the best way I know of paying the mortgage, actually Wink

To say I seriously misjudged the strength of feeling against me and my kind is an understatement.

I felt like some particularly sweaty and unfortunate government minister repeating: 'I refer the Honourable Member to my previous answer.'

Anyway, I gave up in the end.

Fucking meanies. Last time I stick up for them. Wink

Pagwatch · 07/02/2014 16:33

Yes Mintyy. I see what you mean
The piling in and bullying/regulars ganging up stuff gets trotted out often but I think they are misconceptions.
I think (fwiw) that pile ins do happen.
Aibu asks one to pick a side and some posters enjoy it when everyone picks 'yabu'. It's like a starting gun to ramp up the insults, trying to outdo the previous poster.

I don't class 20 people all disagreeing with the op in the same way. Nor do I view a bunch of posters messing about in the same way, even if it diverts a thread.
Some may find those annoying but I don't think they are deliberately nasty.

limitedperiodonly · 07/02/2014 16:41

I agree with frumpy. I often itch to tell people not to respond to obvious trolls. But that would be presumptuous and giving the troll the attention they deserve, so I don't.

I have grade 3 CSE Maths btw. It was the highest mark in my class of dullards who were not allowed to sully my school's GCE statistics by taking that exam.

Schools fiddling exam stats is nothing new. It's easier than giving less able students proper teaching.

Hullygully · 07/02/2014 16:44

I don't actually care about any of it (apart from reg and royalty bashing because that is PERSONAL)

My only interest is that people should disagree/agree with The Point and not extrapolate from it and have a go about said extrapolations.

catsrus · 07/02/2014 16:50

I've been here around 2.5 - 3yrs too no I'm not Ice's sock puppet

And I do totally understand the urge to Troll hunt - I'm sure I spotted one in the early hours of this morning, it just didn't add up, I had to sit on my hands and not post a Hmm. ATM there are 5 pages of msgs saying "you sound lovely" or the equivalent Angry version - if it is a Troll they have been well and truly fed, if it's not a troll then they certainly didn't get support Sad. Not a lot of troll hunting on the thread though - which means it doesn't make active conversations and will just die a death.

catsrus · 07/02/2014 16:51

BTW pag am I only person who thought a vent diagram sounded a bit Blush?

Mintyy · 07/02/2014 16:57

Newty, I'm fairly sure I don't disagree with anyone on this thread Grin.

When I see people being unnecessarily rude (even if I agree with their pov) I say something there and then on the thread. I don't report to hq, I just say "oi, Mumsy492, that was an unpleasant remark, no need to be so viscious" or something like that.

I get a lot of "Oh fuck off who made you thread police?" retorts but am not bothered by those.

I'm afraid I do think that the posters who have been here for years have got a good feel for what is/is not acceptable on Mumsnet in terms of the blurred line between straight talking and being downright insulting.

Self moderation has worked remarkably well on this site for many years.

I think the current problems boil down to:

a huge influx of new posters who haven't quite got the measure of Mumsnet (ie. it is not NetMums)

even more trolls than usual

new moderators at hq who stick more rigidly to the talk guidelines

It has left a lot of old timers feeling slightly bewildered, like they don't really understand what is going on any more. Of course, many have just quietly left.

And then there are a lot of newbies who are probably equally bewildered by the amount of deleted posts and general bad tempered atmosphere atm.

But what LtEve is saying to op, and what I am also saying (HERE IS WHERE I GET TO THE POINT) is that nothing will change and you will either just have to decide that you like Mumsnet and stay, or that you don't like it and leave. Or drift in and out in a slightly disgruntled way.

NewtRipley · 07/02/2014 16:58

I agree

NewtRipley · 07/02/2014 16:59

And MN has made me more assertive in RL, which is good.

2tiredtocare · 07/02/2014 17:18

I agree with the Netmums thing as I remember one poster who went on a Mumsnet meet up and was shocked to meet an older lady with grown up kids and she couldnt get her head around the fact that so many different types of people use this forum as opposed to netmums who are mainly mums with young kids BUT some of the responses were Shock like 'Fucking evil bitch' etc etc

LtEveDallas · 07/02/2014 17:22

Oh yes Newt, me too. I used to do the 'smile through gritted teeth but don't rock the boat' thing, but now I challenge remarks I don't like/find offensive. Again it's another part of MN that I like and take with me.

I don't like the 'piling in'. I agree that it happens, but I do think it is more on AIBU than anywhere else - so I avoid AIBU. Very rarely do I read threads or post on there. Often when I have it has been because I didn't realise the thread was actually on there.

I decided long, long ago that there was far more about MN that I liked, than disliked. I avoid the stuff I don't like, I challenge if I need to (but even then you can tell how annoyed I am by how polite I am!) and I 'stick up' for people where I can. The good far outweighs the bad.

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