to think MNers can be better than this

[IceBeing]

OPs may be ignorant, they maybe obtuse, they may be in the wrong and they may be trolls...

but how can dozens upon dozens of swearing riddled instructions to carry out intimate acts be considered a reasonable response?

For some people MN is the first forum they frequent. It is perfectly possible to post something that is innocently ignorant yet massively outrageous to MNers. Then suddenly you are being called all the names under the sun and told to fuck yourself preferably until dead? really?

Believe me it can be a massive shock that people say things on the internet they would never say in real life. It is possible to feel very very frightened and threatened by such an onslaught.

AIBU to think if the last 5 posters have covered the 'fuck off to the far side of fuck' angle then maybe you don't need to stick the boot in too?

The best case scenario is that the person on the other end is indeed a troll....in which case why are you giving them what they want?

Hang on a mo Hettie - this thread has nothing specifically to do with last week's threads. So why are you misinterpreting those events to attack a poster you disagree with? Hardly in the spirit of this 'is meant to be a discussion site' is it?

This thread was just put up by someone wanting to revive 'Nappygate'..possibly to continue getting a thrill out of it. Seems blatantly obvious to me...

I think Hettie has a good argument- it is very clear that no one is suggesting Troll support but you cannot have a discussion forum with no discussion. Sometimes, that is between people that don't agree on a subject, it is not acceptable to then call, 'troll'. Personally, I have no intention of starting my own chat forum just to argue this point.

I didn't have time to post on the nappy thread, but frankly, so what if they got lots of people telling them they were unreasonable?

1. If they were genuine, having lots of people tell them it was a stupid question may actually positively benefit them for the rest of their lives. Have you thought about the social difficulties they may have been unwittingly enduring, as a consequence of utterly staggeringly hurtful, dimwitted things? Think how many of their friendships may have ended with a dignified stifled whimper, as their offended soon-to-be-ex-friends gave a frozen smile, made an excuse to leave, and never left again!

2. Whether they were genuine or not, their question was really hurtful to all the many parents on here whose children do use the brand in question. Reading a post sneering at children with disabilities or illnesses is unpleasant, and does not "make parents lives easier". As such, the more people who post to condemn such OPs the better, otherwise it looks as if MNers are silently condoning the question, or worse agreeing with it.

3. Was probably a grubby little troll with a urine fetish. I'd rather he got told to fuck off and then fuck off some more than he got to pleasure himself silly because an MNer gave him the benefit of the doubt and gave him personal information about her child's needs.

*and never saw them again!

3 excellent points

Few points....

I am fairly new to MN - only usually post in one particular area and have name changed for this.

As far as I can tell the issue by the op is a simple one of if we all just played by the rules any innocent party would be protected (just on the off chance that they are innocent), and that it won't discourage new comers who might find a lot of this 'old hat' troll spotting stuff and general MN/internet etiquette over their heads and off putting, but most of all - and sadly this is point really being missed- if you don't respond to a suspected troll it will bother them a lot more than getting the riled reaction given.

I understand emotions run high - but why is it that newcomers have to be thick skinned in order to use the internet otherwise they should avoid completely, when at same time it is ok to jump in and respond to trolls because other members have been offended??? Isn't that double standards?

And lastly... could somebody please point me in direction of a tips thread on how exactly one should and shouldn't post questions, because after lurking on various general threads recently, I am quite frankly shitting myself about how exactly I do so without being attacked.
And yes I do have mental health issues too so it would upset me to get attacked, or be ridiculed after having bottle to post.

My issues are concerning my relationship, lots of probably dumb questions about love in general (hence need for me to post in first place), and it does include sex life as that is part of the (lack) of relationship - though nothing graphic.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this and quite frankly, threads like this just confuse me more. I may well be a sap who needs to stay off the internet, but for me, this could finally be a place to get some much needed advice/guidance/support/empathy and it would be so nice to not get it wrong, and to be on the recieving end of the support MN can offer.

Well youve managed well enough to put up quite a long and detailed post regarding what you think as an almost newcomer...so regarding your relationshipo concerns, just put them up on the Relationships board. YOu'll find very good advice over there, contrary to what this thread is implying, MNetters in general are not rabble rousing ranters. THe thing about internet boards is - you cant control how people speak, tell them to be 'nice' to your standards. Furthermore, they may already think theyre being 'nice'. Always best to view a board as a whole if you think the style isnt for you, then there are others. I know of one that people say is 'softer' as it were, and some go over there.

I still think this thread was started in support of trolls, and in wanting to revive talk of the 'Nappy' thread too. I for one hope this thread is deleted. Some good people who are putting up genuine, logical replies on on here are having their time wasted.

Oh come on Maryz its as clear as day! It shouldn't be too hard for an old timer like you to understand this when a relatively new poster (by her own admission) has just pointed out that exact interpretation of the OP.

Are the 'good', 'logical' people the ones you agree with by any chance MistressDeeCee?

Goldenbear That's a wonderful point. This OP, dredging up a trolly, trolly disablist thread and overegging the poor little troll's pudding has scared new MNers who never saw the original, now deleted thread, and make them feel scared to post.

Wouldn't have happened if this thread hadn't been created.

Erm, that is what you meant, right?

Argh, I'm way too tired to read such a high-octane thread just now ... Ice (are you still here?), I'm replying because I think you and I share a blind spot when it comes to troll-spotting. On the rare occasions when I find I'm posting to an OP suspected of being a tad Hairy Of Hand, Bridge-Dwelling, Not Quite As Presented, I tend to listen to what the others are suggesting and follow any supplied links. This way I learn.

More often, I persist in supporting or discussing an OP's situation, in spite of accusations by others. This will be either because I think the OP's story is real (and less experienced posters don't understand that mega-shit does happen in real life), or I doubt the OP's veracity but think the issue deserves reasonable discussion anyway - for the benefit of lurkers and Googlers.

And I swear a lot in real life. I do it here, too. Sorry it upsets you - but, well, you'll survive :)

Yes thanks I was going to go to the relationships thread. As I said I have been posting on a particular part of the forum but not particularly sensitive stuff, and quite safe from trolling probably.

What I wanted to know was how one goes about learning what is and isn't the right way to pose a question.

I have read so many times recently the argument that the op was at fault with how they posted there question.....so how does an inexperienced newbie get to find out? Seems to be a lot of comments about what is and isn't acceptable, but are there any better explanations of what this is?

Sadly is this another case where the no good minority, ruin things for the innocent if slight naive/gullible newbies. We all have to start somewhere, and no I don't need/want to go anywhere else thanks. I am well aware of how many lovely people there are on here, which is why I'm here. But it's not them that I'm worried about iyswim?!

I dunno about Chat threads, Mulligatawny, but regulars on the more intensive boards have gained a lot of experience through both reading & living the issues at hand. When folks on Relationships say an OP sounds off, they're speaking from experience. Just post honestly. Answer questions. It's possible to get some of the best support in the world - literally! - here. Don't fear it.

mulligatawny

I's not much different from real life, or any other forum. If you're not a troll, all you have to be is not an arse!

Ask for advice for real problems, don't start threads designed to elicit free erotica. For example, don't start threads asking for advice on how to send sexy texts effectively.

Mary - I neither like nor dislike you. I don't know you. Just like you don't know that woman who was posting about her fear of being an alcoholic - you know, the one you all decided was thingy in disguise so insulted & chased off her own thread.

Don't play word games - they said clearly they had no reason to suppose it was the same person. If you had any decency you would have given her the doubt and left her be. You didn't.

And what, precisely, have I been wrong about?

Northern

Well, troll hunting is not in the spirit of MN, is it, given that everyone is continually being asked not to do it but does anyway. I think what Mary and the others (and she was not the worst, btw) did last week is the best possible example of why we should avoid troll hunting. Because we run the risk of being wrong and hurting someone completely innocent.

Very relevant in this instance.

Benefit of the doubt.

Thanks Garlic. I have made some fab friends here but my issues are not really what our thread is about and tbh I wouldn't mind some privacy as I'm talking about quite personal stuff. And isn't that the advantage of the anonymity these places can provide - IN A GOOD WAY! So I will def be over to the R threads and hopefully post as and when I find the right words.

I was just nervous because sometimes I have seen people get slated and I have genuinely not spotted why?! I'm not some complete wet behind the ears idiot either, just new to this all. And dare I say less cynical than the more experienced possibly are.

I think that is the point that struck a chord with me...

If ignored/reported innocent people won't be put off/offended AND trolls will not get the reaction they are so much looking for!

I do understand when it gets personal. But it really is just feeding them.

Feel free to quote that back to me in future when it is subject closer to home and I lose it! will have name changed back by then

Goldenbear- in answer to your question nope, the ones I agree with are those who arent in support of trolls

& I dont much like trollfeeders either.

Spin Well I'm definitely not a troll. Can't vouch for the arse bit though!

Sadly I fear subtler posts than your examples still provoke reactions, but if there really is no other way of finding out - I will just have to see what happens.