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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's racist boyfriend

148 replies

theskythestonethewaythekey · 05/02/2014 09:30

Name change for obvious reasons.

My friend of about 10 years has recently got herself a new boyfriend. It's looking serious but we haven't met him yet I.

AIBU to refuse to meet him given the fact that his Facebook page is nothing but anti-muslim "jokes", racist diatribes and other general unpleasantness?

He posts links from the EDL, the BNP and even less savoury groups. There is literally nothing else on his wall.

My friend seems smitten with him, and excuses his online behaviour by saying that he just has strong opinions.

What worries me is how I am supposed to make small-talk with such a man. He doesn't know me but I already feel that I know quite enough about him. Having said that, at some point my friend is going to want me to meet him.

OP posts:
AngelaDaviesHair · 05/02/2014 12:12

Actually OP, to answer your question, I doubt it is worth meeting him, and I think motherinferior's suggestion is a good response.

WilsonFrickett · 05/02/2014 12:13

Feeling a name change to PendantsAgainstPrejudice now...

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 12:13

Bangles against Bigots Grin

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 12:14

Whenever I see a pedant, I like to cuddle them and say "Aww their, they're, there"...

redshifter · 05/02/2014 12:15

I don't think being against mass immigration necessarily makes you a racist.

However I am very much in favour of immigration myself.

RandyRudolf · 05/02/2014 12:15

Love Pork Hate Islam

As a vegetarian I find that offensive on another level too!

There is no way I am going on FB looking for that site, I will believe you OP. I really don't want that to show in any browsing history of mine especially when I sneak on FB at work

Pigsmummy · 05/02/2014 12:15

Meet him before giving this so much head space.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 12:15

Worra Grin

WilsonFrickett · 05/02/2014 12:16

Arf Worra someone gave me that joke on a moonpig card once...

clarksonforPM · 05/02/2014 12:17

RandyRudolfWed 05-Feb-14 12:15:23

Can I ask if seriously you as a vegetarian find that offensive ? - And if so, how !!??!!

ViviPru · 05/02/2014 12:17

"Fewer Xenophobes - MORE STROBES!"

RandyRudolf · 05/02/2014 12:17

I don't think being against mass immigration necessarily makes you a racist

I agree on that. It's how the immigration is dealt with rather than the immigrants that is the problem. Why invite people when you don't have the resources to support them.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 12:17

Anyway OP, if you do decide to meet him in a group situation he will be easy to spot. He will be the one with the banjo who's Mother is also his Sister.

motherinferior · 05/02/2014 12:17

Just out of interest is anyone going to defend this charmer's links to BNP etc stuff as well?

(And, of course, Rocks against Racism Grin.)

motherinferior · 05/02/2014 12:18

Life's too short to meet with repulsive bigots deliberately.

RandyRudolf · 05/02/2014 12:19

clarkson I love pigs therefore don't eat pork.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 12:20

That is so poignant Mother.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 12:22

Don't eat pork either but I am tolerate of all people...except racists and bigots.

PedantMarina · 05/02/2014 12:22

I'm inspired by ISeeYouShiverWithAntici (great name, by the way) to add:

People who've ready my advice before know I am keen to encourage women (men too, but still) to take a breather in between relationships to find your centre and who you really are, before sharing it with the next guy.

And here's why: an ex-BF, who was NEVER without a boyfriend during the entire time I knew her (I stuck it out for about 10 years). Was forever easing one out of her life whilst working the next one in. Went from (when she had a muslim boyfriend) insisting I couldn't have alcohol in HER house, just in case he should drop over and be offended to (next boyfriend) a pork-eating, beer-guzzling, buffet visiting she-Bubba, with barely a blink of an eye. And every permutation in between.

She (or we, for that matter) literally couldn't figure out who she was. The disruption to her own life as well as those around her, as she kept chopping and changing, was really sad to watch.

Not sure if this helps.

WilsonFrickett · 05/02/2014 12:23

I do have to get on with some work now but would say to the OP - and OP's friend - when someone tells you who they are, listen to them. That's all.

clarksonforPM · 05/02/2014 12:24

Randy I love dogs but dont get offended when Koreans eat them.....

RandyRudolf · 05/02/2014 12:26

Randy I love dogs but dont get offended when Koreans eat them

Confused
WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 12:28

I love Korean meatballs

They really are the dog's bollocks...

redshifter · 05/02/2014 12:28

mistermakersgloopyglue

Thanks for link, I will look at it after I pick nephew up from school.Have any links to Facebook stuff? I can't find them at moment because I am a bit rushed.

I am an immigrant to UK. I was not aware of what the EDL represented. I looked at their website and couldn't find racist stuff. Also looked at Youtube stuff and writings from their ex leader Tommy Robinson.

I realise now this may all be a sanitised front for their true beliefs. Just couldn't find any evidence.

Forgive my ignorance. Maybe I am dim and stupid. It just hurt a bit to be told that I am.

RandyRudolf · 05/02/2014 12:30

Worra Behave Grin

Although I can't blame you for being bored, there are some very stupid people on this thread. Perhaps you'd like to join me banging my head against the wall.