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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's racist boyfriend

148 replies

theskythestonethewaythekey · 05/02/2014 09:30

Name change for obvious reasons.

My friend of about 10 years has recently got herself a new boyfriend. It's looking serious but we haven't met him yet I.

AIBU to refuse to meet him given the fact that his Facebook page is nothing but anti-muslim "jokes", racist diatribes and other general unpleasantness?

He posts links from the EDL, the BNP and even less savoury groups. There is literally nothing else on his wall.

My friend seems smitten with him, and excuses his online behaviour by saying that he just has strong opinions.

What worries me is how I am supposed to make small-talk with such a man. He doesn't know me but I already feel that I know quite enough about him. Having said that, at some point my friend is going to want me to meet him.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 05/02/2014 10:59

I agree with those who said meet him once, so you can make a more personal judgement.
You friend may be actually trying to turn him away from those views and need your support. You can only be sure of her own attitude by seeing them together.
If he's really set in his ways then of course you should discontinue contact, but getting him to change his racist views would be a far better outcome.

Nataleejah · 05/02/2014 11:03

Try not to be too judgemental before you have actually met him. As for EDL, one friend of mine joined them because he was bullied by coloured peers as a child.

DanceParty · 05/02/2014 11:05

He has strong opinions - as it his right. If you don't like them, then don't meet him,

Latara · 05/02/2014 11:13

Nataleejah it's Black or Asian, not ''coloured''

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:13

"coloured peers" WTAF?

"Try not to be too judgemental before you have actually met him." WTAAF?

Nataleejah · 05/02/2014 11:20

In his time it was the term "coloured" -- he's 50+

redshifter · 05/02/2014 11:21

Is the EDL racist? I don't know much about them really. I thought they were just a sort of one issue organization, against Islamic fundamentalism.
I didn't realise they were racist. I will have to do some research.

HavantGuard · 05/02/2014 11:25

My parents are in their late 60s and would never even think of using the term 'coloured'. I think your friend is a racist.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:29

It's not then though, it is now and people are supposed to be more educated. My DH is 50+, as is my mother. I would berate either of them for using an outdated word. We used the 'n' word in the 70's, I wouldn't expect to hear it now.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:31

Good idea red. They are indeed a bunch of banjo picking idiots with no education about Islamic fundamentalist issues and how rare they are.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:32

I would love to know what non-coloured people are? Transparent? Confused

mistermakersgloopyglue · 05/02/2014 11:33

Oh god this thread is going to kick off.

'He joined the EDL because he was bullied by coloured peers'

'Are the EDL racist? I didn't realise, I will have to do some research'.

The clue is in the name. 'English Defence League' - not exactly inclusive is it?

AngelaDaviesHair · 05/02/2014 11:34

In his time it was the term "coloured" -- he's 50+

But this is your time, and it is no longer 'coloured', so why use the term?

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:35

I know mister my blood pressure is seriously soaring. I cannot believe in these days of knowledge being available at the tip of your fingers that people are still so incredibly dim!

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:36

I feel like Jim Davidson is posting on here Hmm

Dahlen · 05/02/2014 11:39

his Facebook page is nothing but anti-muslim "jokes", racist diatribes and other general unpleasantness?

He posts links from the EDL, the BNP and even less savoury groups. There is literally nothing else on his wall.

I really don't think this is just a misunderstood guy who has a single issue with muslim extemists. He is a bigot - and one who is possibly committing numerous criminal offences in what he's posting.

I would point that out to your friend and ask her if she objects to being tainted by association. If she continued to date him, I'm afraid I'd end the friendship if it were me.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 05/02/2014 11:39

So Nataleejahif he had been bullied by white peers, would he have joined an Islamic fundamentalist group in adulthood?

Or would be have, you know, realised that that small group of nasty white kids he encountered at school are not actually representative of all white people across the country.

clarksonforPM · 05/02/2014 11:39

EDL are not a racist organisation. People believe they are because its fashionable to believe so, and to stick up for the minority these days. England is a shaddow of its former self these days and its so upsetting to see.

redshifter · 05/02/2014 11:40

diots with no education about Islamic fundamentalist issues and how rare they are.

But is that racism?

The clue is in the name. 'English Defence League' - not exactly inclusive is it?

But their are English people of all races so the name doesn't exclude any race.

AngelaDaviesHair · 05/02/2014 11:41

England is a shaddow of its former self these days and its so upsetting to see

If that's true, I think the English should look at themselves for the reason why, and not at immigration.

Dahlen · 05/02/2014 11:41

Well the BNP most certainly are racist - hence certain jobs being barred to members - and he also posts racist jokes.

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2014 11:42

OP, you say you've name changed 'for obvious reasons'.

Was it obviously to stir a bit of trouble and then not come back to the thread?

mistermakersgloopyglue · 05/02/2014 11:43

How exactly is England 'a shadow of its former self'?

Believe me, I have no interest in being fashionable or 'right on' or bleeding heart liberal leftie or anything like that.

I still think anyone who joins the EDL is a racist tool.

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2014 11:44

England is a 'shaddow' of it former self, yes, thank God and it's English language is getting appalling!

WilsonFrickett · 05/02/2014 11:44

England is a shadow of its former self these days

If England is a shadow of its former self I'd be blaming the bankers, tbh, you know, the people who caused the world recession.

And yes, it is fashionable to stick up for minorities. And thank Christ for that.

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