To be annoyed by '2 weeks premature'

[FlockOfTwats]

Fuck it. I know i'm being unreasonable. I know i'm being pedantic to the level of being a complete arsehole.

But it REALLY annoys me when people describe their baby as 2 weeks PREMATURE when they are born at 38 weeks.

37 - 42 weeks is full term.
YOUR BABY WAS NOT FUCKING PREMATURE.

Go ahead. Tell me i'm being unreasonable. I know i deserve it and need slapping down off my soapbox.

My childless friend told me that DS wasn't prem at 34+6, weighing 3lb 6oz. He was in nicu for a few weeks. She reckons 32 weeks is fine and that she'd prefer a real prem as they're cuter...

Eyeofthestorm. I was told to man up by my lovely inlaw who thought I was being dramatic as I was a teary mess when ds2 came home after months in SCBU.
It was the worst, scariest experience of our life.
ds2 has Cerebral palsy, autism, learning difficulties, digestive problems etc etc... but I was being dramatic.
Some people don't have a clue!

Completely NBU. I was a 34-weeker - am fine. I tell people I was a late-moderate preterm. DD was born at 37+1 - I tell people she timed her birth perfectly.

Being born a little early, a little late or even bang on your due date doesn't stop you having almighty problems, and some don't survive. Pretty much all extreme prems will have one hell journey to get out of NNU - and not all of them do either. To try and compare on the basis of gestation alone is just daft, but that doesn't make your 38-weeker anything other than a term baby.

YANBU, OP. My bugbear is different but I understand where you're coming from.

I was induced at 37 weeks with DS and he was 10lbs 12oz; he was oxygen deprived during labour and stillborn; they managed to get his heart started again but we were told when he was 2 weeks old that he had almost definitely sustained severe brain damage. His condition improved dramatically soon afterwards but brain damage still hasn't been ruled out at age 2; we've been told it'll be another 2-3 years before they can be fully sure.

From the day he left the hospital, everyone who met him said 'ah, there's not a bother on that child, he's perfectly normal, what are you worried about?' and even though I know well that they were trying to be positive and comforting, it did my head in (and still does).

MsAs - my sis in law said that as i was waiting to be discharged, leaving DS in scbu: "lucky you not having to do nights"

Followed by "but it's sad you won't bond with DS cos you can't pick him up"

I told my brother to get her out before i killed her. We used to get on well but her comments changed that - ott i know but i struggle with her after that :-(

They use preemie in the US as a variation of "pre-term", we use "premmie" as a variation of premature.

Just thought I'd highlight that Bliss (Premature Baby charity) is holding its annual Cake a Difference event from 14 - 16 Feb.

Katie Ashworth from CBeebies is supporting the campaign this year.

Please help raise essential funds for premature babies by holding a cake sale at work, nursery & within your communities.

Check out their website to register & for further information.
www.bliss.org.uk/events/cake-a-difference-recipes/

Bliss do brilliant work researching the causes of prematurity as well as supporting parents like myself who gave birth early. Thanks

I would definitely say 'early' rather than premature- dd2 was two weeks early (based on both LMP and dating scans so there's not a chance the dates were wrong), she was definitely not premature, she was fecking massive! Premature to me means early enough that it may be risky, so the babies that need incubators or monitoring etc, not a baby who just didn't fit the mean gestational term.

To person on last page, whose name I forgot.

A 35-week baby is classified as 5 weeks premature, because they count it from 40.
But 37-40 is term, because that comes under natural fannying about with your life by the baby variation.

Maddening No. Definitely 38 weeks. Not two weeks before term. The people whove said it to me are people i know. I knew how far they were. Ones family!

Msasprey Although mine were further (34) i got a lot of those comments. I was never massive and when i was pregnant with dc3 i got "oh maybe you'll get to full term, find out what carrying a baby properly is like". "you only didn't get stretch marks because you didn't carry them properly".

I got the comments about sleeping while ds was in nicu. "oh well you get a break before the real work starts" yep. Makes up for it that does cockface.

Crazycat My dd is deaf and so many people say "ah itll get better" ermm, no it wont "yes it will you cant say that"...

Strangely though my son has no enamel (in told this can be caused by antiobiotics at birth in preemies). Its never developed. Dentist says it could but probably wont effect his adult teeth. Everyone insists on telling me it definitely will.

I never knew so many randoms were qualified professionals until my children had problems!

I get induced for my births due to complications . I am always induced at 37 weeks because the Consultants say that this is classed at full term and is safe to do. I would say they were born 3 weeks early, never prem. However my friend had a baby born at 34 weeks. He did spend a few days in SCBU but was healthy, she also refers to him as early.

One 33 weeker, prem, 4 weeks in SCBU. One 38 weeker, slightly early, 2 nights next to me on the post natal ward. There was a world of difference and still is 10 months on. YANBU.

Florabeebaby - I went to a baby group with DD and a lady told how awful it was to have her baby taken away from her and she knew how I felt. The baby was weighed by a nurse. Mine were on life support.
I stopped baby groups and avoided telling anyone my babies were early...but then I had PTSD as well so possibly a tad oversensitive.

No, I really don't think you were being oversensitive. I'm astonished and at anyone seriously thinking that the nurse taking a baby over to the other side of the room to weigh it is in any way comparable to having a baby taken off to NICU / SCBU.

YANBU. Our DS was 36+6 so officially premature, but we hardly ever say that, just "a little early".

He was bang on the right weight for that age, but he did have some breathing and feeding difficulties, couldn't keep himself warm etc. but was so much less sick than other premature babies it almost feels silly to mention the dates - we just mention he wasn't that well. Occasionally people ask exactly how early and say "oh, so officially premature then" and it's possible he wasn't quite ready I suppose.

My friend's two DS were both induced at 37 weeks because of medication she had to be on and were both smaller than our DS, again officially they were ready but I think they could have done with a bit longer!

After 40 weeks I believe you can say "postmature".

I've been thinking about this thread and I think with any bad experience you have, there is always someone who claims they know how you feel because they had a much milder version. DS2 and DS4 have SN and I'm always getting comments from people who say they know what it's like to have a baby with SN because their child didn't walk until 16 months when I've just been telling them that DS2 still wasn't sitting at 16 months.

YANBU.

As far as I'm concerned:

DC1 - 36+6 - "early" although some doctors have said "premature"
DC2 - 35+5 - "premature"
DC3 - 38+2 - "on time/at term"

DS was a sub 1kg 26 week premmie which tends to generate shock and awe until I add "but it was OK for me because I wasn't actually there at the time" which causes confusion until I explain he was adopted.

Zoe (upthread) I know you say that your 4 year old may never catch up but very tiny premmies can and do - DS didn't reach his developmental milestones until he was 4 and was always teeny tiny (I don't think he even got as far as the instructions at the bottom of the red book charts when he was one) and is now a smidgeon above average at 8. Of course yours may always been at the bottom of the charts (who can tell) but DS certainly didn't really start reaching his normal height potential (IMO) until he was about 6-7.

I think some people are jealous of the sympathy and attention that can come with various issues (prematurity being one of them) so they try and grab a bit of the limelight for themselves without thinking about how it actually feels to be in that position.

YANBU. DD was born at 38+1 and was not premature. I imagine that having a prem baby is scary and stressful, and saying "2 weeks premature" seems to belittle that.

I was told that 3 weeks before or after EDD is normal.

YANBU but I wish that hvs considered gestation when talking about weight. The charts have changed now with dc2 (40+5 and never really saw a hv anyway...) but dc1 was 37+5 and I got such grief from hvs about how small he was. He was in the 9th percentile and followed his line but they didn't care about that only that he was underweight compared to other babies of his "age" since of whom had been born 5 weeks later! (I also wish hvs understood percentiles and aver ages!)

What exactly so you mean by getting grief over the weight?

My 4th was born at 38 weeks, the only time I say he was early is when mentioning what a good weight he was for 38 weeks.

My 2nd was 5 weeks early, I always just say 5 weeks early not prem.

Ds3 was prem at 32 weeks

My twins were both in the bottom percentiles (can't remember what, they are five now) but they followed the chart so the HVs were never worried.

I am always astonished when others have bad experiences with HVs because mine were brilliant.