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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by '2 weeks premature'

290 replies

FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 02:05

Fuck it. I know i'm being unreasonable. I know i'm being pedantic to the level of being a complete arsehole.

But it REALLY annoys me when people describe their baby as 2 weeks PREMATURE when they are born at 38 weeks.

37 - 42 weeks is full term.
YOUR BABY WAS NOT FUCKING PREMATURE.

Go ahead. Tell me i'm being unreasonable. I know i deserve it and need slapping down off my soapbox.

OP posts:
zoemaguire · 05/02/2014 17:33

In one sense, experiences just are what they are. My first term dc was in scbu for 5 days and at the time that was traumatic, but obviously little did I know. It was obviously a drop in the ocean compared to 10 weeks in NICU next time round, but even now oddly there are things that were worse about scbu first time round. I never worried as such about my very prem baby being left without me - what choice was there?-but am still furious they took my term baby away for 5 hours for no good reason, and gave her formula even though I was there ready and waiting to breastfeed.

The problem comes though when someone has an experience that was traumatic for them, but do not have the empathy to see that they should not compare with someone else who has gone through worse. I had a friend who lamented that her lo hard had to have at least 5 heel pricks in scbu, and I did think wtf, mine had them 4 times a day for ten weeks, not to mention 5 lumbar punctures and too many IVs to count. It is about engaging brain sometimes!

LottieJenkins · 05/02/2014 17:48

ds1 was born at 26 weeks and only lived for two hours. When I was pregnant with ds2 I was treated with kid gloves and my lovely gynaecologist saw me every two weeks. DS2 was classed as two weeks prem when he was born as I was induced to due to pre-ecampsia!

plentyofsoap · 05/02/2014 17:55

You are right.
I have found that the vast majority of those who have never had a premature baby have no idea.
This is after two early babies.
I have had my rages. I can no longer be arsed explaining it this time around, but happy that I will never take a minute with them for granted.

plentyofsoap · 05/02/2014 18:13

I also say early for both of mine who were born at 33 weeks. I have found saying premature can lead to very negative comments off other mums which I found very hurtful in the past.

Snatchoo · 05/02/2014 18:18

I also call my 36 weekers early rather than prem.

They are twins and I was expecting SCBU but they were fine and needed no special care. I felt it was an insult to insist they were prem to the other parents and babies who were unwell with being early.

Unlike my MIL who insists her grand daughter (not mine) was prem as she was born at 36+6 and had no problems Hmm

(I know I shouldn't let it bother me - but it does!)

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 05/02/2014 18:32

Mind you, I think it depends on the baby. My 38 weeker was 6lb 1oz and looked preemie and was fairly jaundiced, he looked undercooked, I would never call him preemie though. 35 weeker (exactly) was 4lb 8oz and went down to just under 4lb but wr never seen scbu with him. Did have some problems later though, he isn't what I would describe as being proper preemie though really, I feel odd saying he was preemie even though he was teeny, we were home in 3 days after blood glucose tests every couple of hours.

ethelb · 05/02/2014 18:42

You do get premature birth weight babies. I was only two weeks early but as I was only 4lbs so was classed as 'premature'.

magnumicelolly · 05/02/2014 18:42

Random question, why is the word used 'preemie' rather than 'premie' which seems a more natural shortening of 'premature'?

WitchWay · 05/02/2014 18:45

Premature is before 37/40

Later than that is early unless later than 40/40 in which case late

Somewhere between the latter two is "on time"

ShadowFall · 05/02/2014 18:51

ethelb - I guess historically, before dating scans were widespread, a low birthweight baby may have been automatically classed as premature because it may not have been possible to know whether the baby was low birth weight due to prematurity or due to other factors.

But I'm pretty sure that these days, a 38 week baby weighing 4lbs would be classed as being low birth weight or small for gestational age, rather than premature.

maddening · 05/02/2014 18:52

do they mean their dc was born at 38 weeks or 35? I thought there were to different ways of saying it as 37 weeks is considered term - 40 weeks full term. Pre 37 weeks is technically pre-term with a sliding scale of expected outcome dependent on the prematurity with 27 weeks being considered viable but with a high potential of problems and lower chance of survival? I thought 35 weeks would be 2 weeks premature but 5 weeks from full term?

gingermop · 05/02/2014 19:00

not long after my first child was born 14 weeks prem ( she passed away) a neibour told me she knew how I felt cause her baby was 3 weeks prem and spent time in scbu with jaundice Hmm
my ds2 was born at 36wks I didnt really class him a preemie ( but then he was a big bugga Grin )

Rowgtfc72 · 05/02/2014 19:00

Dd was born bang on 37 weeks as she was getting bigger and I had gestational Diabetes. She was 8lb 6oz so not small.I was told had I been induced a day earlier she would have been 36+6,premature and would have at least 24hrs in scbu. As it was she was just early.

ethelb · 05/02/2014 19:01

@shadow yes probably. I also wonder how accurate dates are in some women too.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 05/02/2014 19:06

My ds was born at 26 weeks & I did have a few comments like
"Mine were premie too.....3 weeks early" which I let go because she was trying to be empathetic in a clumsy way.

"atleast you don't have to do the night feeds...you can catch up on your beauty sleep".

"you are so lucky that you didnt get stretch marks"

Words failed me. They didnt have a clue about how I felt & how I would have skipped NICU for the stretch marks & sleepless nights.

LottieJenkins · 05/02/2014 19:12

Meant to add that ds2 was 5lb 10oz and dropped to 5lb 2oz. My late dh put a nappy on him and picked him up and the nappy fell off! Dh was dispatched to Boots to get low birth weight ones!!!!

theborg · 05/02/2014 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouAreMyRain · 05/02/2014 19:20

YANBU! My DS is a 30 weeker, there is a world of difference between being born under 3lb, resuscitated at birth for 12 minutes, kept alive by a number of machines in NICU/SCBU for 8 weeks and being a bit small/early.

Premature is a medical term that means born 3 weeks or more before due date.

Florabeebaby · 05/02/2014 19:21

Both of mine were preemies, DD 32wks and DS 35wks, both in NICU + SCBU.
I went to a baby group with DD and a lady told how awful it was to have her baby taken away from her and she knew how I felt. The baby was weighed by a nurse. Mine were on life support.
I stopped baby groups and avoided telling anyone my babies were early...but then I had PTSD as well so possibly a tad oversensitive.

YouAreMyRain · 05/02/2014 19:21

Also sadly met a couple of very early poorly ones that didn't make it. Prematurity is a serious thing. Hmm

yegodsandlittlefishes · 05/02/2014 19:25

DC1 was born by EMCS at 38 weeks. Not premmie. 15 years on she has problems which may very well be connected to her prolongued and difficult birth.

DC2 was born by EMCS at 31 weeks. Premmie. 7+ weeks in SCBU. No problems since or otherwise. Happy, well adjusted, and very bright and hard working.

AmpersandRea · 05/02/2014 19:31

I can see exactly where you're coming from OP.YANBU.
My twins DSs were born at 26 weeks. It annoys me when I hear people refer to 37 weekers as premature.

mymatemax · 05/02/2014 19:32

ds2 was born at 28wks & had a rough time in nicu/scbu & has lifelong disabilities as a result.
Usually I couldn't care less how people describe their child as even if they are a little early its still worrying for them IYKWIM.
However when a very stupid in-law told me that I shouldn't be worried & dditn know what all the stress was about as her own child had been prem & she had managed just fine I wanted to punch her in the face! Her son was 3 wks early & home after 3 days. Some people are just fcking stupid

EyeoftheStorm · 05/02/2014 19:41

DD1 36+5 - grunty when born, needed CPAP, experience almost forgotten as soon as we were home. May have referred to her as early when a baby, but never premature.

DS2 30+5 - ventilated, grade 3 IVHs, lumbar punctures, hydrocephalus, VP shunt at 5 months, will he walk, will he talk?

30 weeks? Oh, that's ok.
My husband was premature, never held him back, six foot fucking six.
Oh, I know how you feel, mine was premature too. Really? Yes, two weeks/ 10 days etc etc

I had PTSD. It made the top of my head blow off. Now, I just imagine the earth cracking open between me and the person speaking, a huge chasm we're never going to bridge. It tells me all I need to know about someone.
Mouth engaging before brain. Not meaning to hurt. Just a gaping lack of empathy.

olidusUrsus · 05/02/2014 19:46

magnum it seems to be a US/UK divide of abbreviating things. We say premmie, they say preemie.

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