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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by '2 weeks premature'

290 replies

FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 02:05

Fuck it. I know i'm being unreasonable. I know i'm being pedantic to the level of being a complete arsehole.

But it REALLY annoys me when people describe their baby as 2 weeks PREMATURE when they are born at 38 weeks.

37 - 42 weeks is full term.
YOUR BABY WAS NOT FUCKING PREMATURE.

Go ahead. Tell me i'm being unreasonable. I know i deserve it and need slapping down off my soapbox.

OP posts:
happyyonisleepyyoni · 05/02/2014 14:07

when I had Dd 3 years ago, the charts in the red book had been updated so that the birth weight is plotted against the number of weeks gestation - so birthweight for my DD was plotted against 40+8, rather than 0 days old, as she was 8 days overdue. This made much more sense to me, as she had longer to cook so was bigger at birth than she would have been if she'd been delivered earlier.

ShadowFall · 05/02/2014 14:30

DS2 is 4mths old, and there is only one weight chart in his red book for term babies.

So his birth weight at 37 wks is measured against the same centile lines as used for a baby born at 42 weeks.

Cheesy123 · 05/02/2014 14:52

My friend always says her baby was prem and was in prem clothes she was two weeks early and 7lb - not prem! My first born was under 2lbs I know what a prem is - 3 shitty months in hospital 8 years down the hospital every week!

Saucia · 05/02/2014 14:53

My baby was born at 36+6 by EMCS so basically full term and has always been referred to as full term. She had breathing problems and spent some time in SCBU but I know we are lucky. However I really struggled with the fact she had to be born before she was ready because of my health issues, and she has a lot of developmental delays which I guess are because she wasn't ready but no one takes any of it seriously because she was full term. Some of us are lucky but still struggle and some are not so lucky, I think you’d have to be a bit of a cunt to dismiss someone's feelings about their own situation just because its not as bad as yours.

Artandco · 05/02/2014 14:57

I couldn't really care tbh. My 35 weeker was in hospital 2 days then home, my 40 weeker was in hospital 3 weeks. Premeturity doesn't guarantee problems or via versa

Strokethefurrywall · 05/02/2014 15:28

YANBU, I agree with you OP - 2 weeks early does not = premature!

Obviously not taking away anything from people who have babies at 38 weeks who have health issues but I don't think that was the point OP was making.

DS1 arrived just shy of 38 weeks and was fine and dandy, although he threatened to come at 34 weeks but thankfully stayed in and I had steroids for his lungs etc. I rarely even refer to him as early honestly, he was ready to come out.

However, after spending 2 nights in hospital a couple of weeks back with DS2 who was almost delivered by c-section at 30+3, I was completely and utterly terrified as I knew he would need far more care and no doubt weeks in the NICU/SCBU. Thankfully the danger passed but I remain on anti-contraction meds until closer to term but OBGYN said that anything from 36 weeks on is nothing to worry about in terms of early labour "as there are no underlying health issues with the baby" - that being the key. I would probably refer to my own baby being premature if he was born 35/36 weeks and prior.

Someone saying their baby was 2 weeks premature for dramatic effect is likely to fuck me right off, and I think these are the people OP is referring to, especially if those babies are born completely healthy like mine was. Drama queens.

pixiepotter · 05/02/2014 15:42

'15 years ago, anything before 40 weeks was seen as 'preemie''

No it wasn't

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 05/02/2014 15:47

I've never heard anyone use premature for 2 weeks early... Most are super happy to be a few weeks early. How offensive to parents who spend months in hospital agonizing over whether their child will make it!

SoleSource · 05/02/2014 15:49

DS was born at 23 weeks. Still a worry having a premature baby, health can change at the flick of a switch.

SpinDoctorofAethelred · 05/02/2014 15:49

Perhaps all those babies who used to come unexpectedly "early" (although at surprisingly solid weights) 6-8 months after weddings clouded the issue of what constituted "premature".

Although we're going back far earlier than 15 years for that.

mummywithsmiles · 05/02/2014 15:53

Dd was born at 36 and half weeks she is classed as prem by all because she had a critical condition that really needed her to sty in the womb in til at least 39 weeks so she was born too soon for her condition x

OvO · 05/02/2014 16:19

I call my 2 36 weekers early rather than premature. Though my ds3 was very ill due to his lungs so he definitely was NOT ready to come out so probably could be described as premature.

I don't call him that as people can be arsey about it.

I see it all the time online - people stating that a baby born around 36 weeks will be fiiiine. They had or know loads of babies born then that are fine blah blah blah. So those that are unlucky enough to get the poorly ones at that gestation get made out to be drama queens.

I would never compare my experience with others with a very prem baby, but it really shouldn't be about comparing. There should be enough empathy and support for everyone.

BigTroubleinSmallBoots · 05/02/2014 16:47

As the mum of Dd born at 25 weeks nine months ago this kind of remark makes my blood boil. No, your baby born at 35/36/37/38 etc weeks is NOT premature, just early. Fully cooked, maybe a little smaller than they would have been at 40 weeks, but ready for the world. Arrrgggg! Have some sodding perspective. I do agree though that people often mean well as they have no experience to base their support on, and end up saying awful things.... someone said to me 'better early than late eh?' Erm, no. Not at all.

OvO · 05/02/2014 16:55

No BigTrouble, my 36 w DS3 was not, "fully cooked" or "ready for the world" as evidenced by the emergency operation he needed on his lungs or he would have DIED.

No amount of you saying that as if it's a fact will make it true.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/02/2014 16:57

my DD was not ready for the world either. She slept constantly and didnt feed.

Original poster
FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 16:58

I call my 2 36 weekers early rather than premature. Though my ds3 was very ill due to his lungs so he definitely was NOT ready to come out so probably could be described as premature.

When i was having ds2, I was in early labour from 36+2. And the way my hospital described it to me was that if he was born with the sort of difficulties a preemie has, they would treat him as a preemie. If he was born healthy with no difficulties they would treat it as a full term birth at 37 weeks.

They said 36 weeks can be a bit of a 'grey area' partly because of dating accuracy and partly simply because some babies are born then because they are ready, some are not.

OP posts:
mercibucket · 05/02/2014 16:59

on the fence here. i haven't heard people talk about it as you have. my first was induced at 37 weeks and was ill because he wasn't ready to be born. i never say he was premature but i do feel he was born too early, not just early, and was pre ie before mature. i feel an empathy with mums of premies but that is maybe part of a more general empathy towards those with children in hospital (ds has ongoing health issues)

Methe · 05/02/2014 17:01

35 and 36 seekers are medically classed as premature babies.

People can be absolute dickheads with what they say, I know where your coming from there. It really is one of those things that you have to be zen about though. Us prem mums have enough to worry about with out people with verbal diarrhoea spoiling our fun.

Original poster
FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 17:01

Bigtrouble A 35 weeker is definitely premature. That is a fact. A 35 weeker is always classed as a 'late' premature baby. They may not require special care (My 34 week daughter did not require special care) but they are still a premature baby.

As i said my understanding of 36 weekers is that it depends on the baby (At my hospital at least) and can be classed as premature or not.

OP posts:
Saucia · 05/02/2014 17:01

I would never compare my experience with others with a very prem baby, but it really shouldn't be about comparing. There should be enough empathy and support for everyone.

Excellent post OvO

OvO · 05/02/2014 17:04

I know I'm posting quite defensively here.

I know there some parents that do like to make it all a drama where none was. There's always attention seekers.

But I just think that those drama llamas are probably fewer than people think. That people with early babies that make a bit of a fuss about it are genuinely having a bit of trouble processing it. Even though their experience is so nothing like as traumatic as a very prem baby it can still affect them and a little bit of kindness rather than scorn would be the thing to do.

Original poster
FlockOfTwats · 05/02/2014 17:14

OvO - It's not scorn. In another persons conversation it wouldn't bother me as much. I don't really go around eavesdropping. It's when they go out of their way to compare it to a preemie while that woman is going through the experience of actually having a preemie.

OP posts:
OvO · 05/02/2014 17:19

No I didn't mean you personally Flock Smile. Or even most of the posts in this thread, just a couple of posts by others are quite belittling of others feelings.

OvO · 05/02/2014 17:26

It was a good thread, Flock, really. It certainly made me pause to think of how I word things and talk to someone who has had a prem baby.

WeileWeileWaile · 05/02/2014 17:32

DD was born at 36 weeks, but she was a whopper (8lbs 4oz) and no one ever called her premature - just early. She spent a night in an incubator at my bedside as she had trouble regulating her temperature, but was otherwise fine.

I'd have been mortified to compare her to a preemie baby. She was a bruiser and the experience was in no way comparable to what some poor families have to go through. I think it depends on your baby and how the birth was treated at the time.