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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my son is not 93 foot tall. so what?!?!!?

77 replies

kennyp · 04/02/2014 21:08

to cut a hugely long story short - people are often commenting on the fact my son is shorter than most (he's 9).

a woman today said to me "he's just a little dot isn't he" and i said please don't talk about his height - it REALLY annoys me. she was a bit shocked but shut up.

there are lots of super tall/super short people out there. i'd honestly never comment on it!! especially with someone's child ffs. am i being unreasonable??? it really gets on my tits when people think it's okay to make comments to me about him, in front of him. it's not a biggy but i don't think it's necessary to comment on. (it's been going on since he was 4 ish i suppose - when it was obvious he wasn't going to be hugely tall).

or do i just buy him stilts for christmas?

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 04/02/2014 21:15

Annoying isn't it!
are you and/or his dad smaller than average too? or has he had any tests to rule our medical reasons? No doubt he will shoot up one day soon and overtake all his peers.

Dollslikeyouandme · 04/02/2014 21:18

Does it only bother you because he's little? Everyone is always saying ds is tall, doesn't bother me, it's not an insult just a fact.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/02/2014 21:20

Yabu it's a fact isn't it. I doubt people say it with bad intentions. And you were quite rude to that lady too.

Topaz25 · 04/02/2014 21:22

I think it's quite rude to call someone just a little dot!

Topaz25 · 04/02/2014 21:23

It doesn't set the right example to children either, we're always telling them not to comment on other people's physical differences, we'd be mortified if they said "that lady is so fat" for example, even it was a fact.

Joysmum · 04/02/2014 21:24

It really worries me that my dd at aged 10 was aready 5'3" and throughout her life has expected to behave and have the abilities boyind her years.

You're fed up your boy is small, but at least he doesn't have unrealistic expectations heaped on him thanks to his size.

GoofyIsACow · 04/02/2014 21:24

Wow, it wouldn't occur to me that saying something like that would be upsetting, it is the sort of thing I would comment on, but i am sometimes quite awkward and say things to break a silence!

I won't in future!

CuriosityCola · 04/02/2014 21:25

I have been on the receiving end of a response like your one op. I commented how good someone's baby was on their feet, to be snapped at that he was average and that the baby looked younger than it was.

People are just making conversation. The comment made in the instance you suggest implies they thought he was cute.

Yabu

Dollslikeyouandme · 04/02/2014 21:26

I think certainly for children short tall whatever isn't really any negative association. People might say hasn't he got blue eyes/dark eyes/blonde hair.

LovelyJubblies · 04/02/2014 21:27

Yanbu. I get the opposite with my middle ds, he's only just turned 11 and is 5' 7inches tall. 'Oh he's a strapping lad isn't he'.
I get alot of people standing next to him to compare their heights!
Some people are very odd

CuriosityCola · 04/02/2014 21:28

Joysmum, I have that problem with my eldest ds. I feel like it has taken a little bit of his baby time away. I'm used to comments like, he doesn't speak much, he is wild, he is a big boy, Wow, he is tall for 3 (erm he is 2 ).

ikeaismylocal · 04/02/2014 21:29

Yabu. It was just a factual comment, the same as if she had said he's very tall or he has lovely curly hair or blue eyes.

I think by making a fuss about it you are telling your ds that his height is an issue when infact it isn't an issue at all.

Dollslikeyouandme · 04/02/2014 21:30

I think it's just on parr with 'my haven't you grown'?, well yeah obviously.

Probably daft and irrelevant but meant with no harm, you can probably interpret it to mean he's cute. Rather than my gangly 5 year old who everyone expects to act 3 years older than he is.

squoosh · 04/02/2014 21:30

YANBU

It isn't just a fact.

There's a big difference between saying 'oh isn't he tall' and 'oh isn't he small'.

Tall is seen as a positive for boys/men, being short isn't.

Smartiepants79 · 04/02/2014 21:31

I just don't understand why this is something you would get your knickers in a twist about. Both my girls are small. They just are. People commenting on it doesn't bother me.
I would comment if a child was particularly tall/small/blonde/curly...etc. etc.
Personally think the bigger deal you make about it the bigger complex your DC is likely to have about it as they grow.
He's small he needs to learn to be comfortable with that and not get wound up when people notice it.
Most people comment in order to have something to say. They are unlikely meaning to be rude.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 04/02/2014 21:32

I think its rude to comment on someone's size. So many people have health issues that cause them to be large ir small and a stranger wouldnt be able to tell.

My dad was one of nine and very ill as a baby, as a result his growth was stunted and there is a notable difference between him and his brothers. He used to get comments about him being the 'runt' of the family! He still worked like a horse on the building sites along side each and every one of his brothers. Why do people even need to comment on someone's size?

Only1scoop · 04/02/2014 21:34

I have opposite my dd 3.5 is so tall people think she is 5/6 I get all sorts....
I don't let it bother me....I think people just look for something to say....not to be mean.

squoosh · 04/02/2014 21:35

But it's different for girls to be small, small and petite are seen as being feminine traits.

MammaTJ · 04/02/2014 21:36

DD is tall, DS is short! DD has gorgeous ginger hair, DS has a droopy eyelid. People are always commenting. I guess they mean no harm, and that is the main thing.

Nerfmother · 04/02/2014 21:36

Ds is small. He hates it. He is 8 and the smallest, pretty much, in his year. Until society gives up this motion that boys should be taller than girls, ds will continue to be sensitive.
Op, don't blame you, although it was probably meant well.

Sirzy · 04/02/2014 21:37

Tall is seen as a positive for boys/men, being short isn't.

And if we carry on seeing being short as a negative thing as the OP seems to then that will never change.

Its no different than commenting on any other physical feature really

squoosh · 04/02/2014 21:40

So people should say 'hurray, he's short isn't that wonderful?'

Crazy idea but how about people just don't comment?

Clairesafatgirlsname · 04/02/2014 21:41

I think it's a weird thing to comment on. People often say 'you're really tall, aren't you?' To my husband when they meet him. It's odd, you wouldn't say 'ooh, you've got big tits/ small feet/ big nose' to someone when you meet them.

AramintaDeWinter · 04/02/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stopgap · 04/02/2014 21:44

My husband is short (5'7--same as me) and i have had numerous women over the years say that they wouldn't date him because of this "issue". Never mind that he's a lovely person, good looking and successful, it seems that many women are hung up on their male partners being six feet or taller. I personally don't understand it, but YANBU op, in relation to other people passing sly or slightly negative comments about your son's height.

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