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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my son is not 93 foot tall. so what?!?!!?

77 replies

kennyp · 04/02/2014 21:08

to cut a hugely long story short - people are often commenting on the fact my son is shorter than most (he's 9).

a woman today said to me "he's just a little dot isn't he" and i said please don't talk about his height - it REALLY annoys me. she was a bit shocked but shut up.

there are lots of super tall/super short people out there. i'd honestly never comment on it!! especially with someone's child ffs. am i being unreasonable??? it really gets on my tits when people think it's okay to make comments to me about him, in front of him. it's not a biggy but i don't think it's necessary to comment on. (it's been going on since he was 4 ish i suppose - when it was obvious he wasn't going to be hugely tall).

or do i just buy him stilts for christmas?

OP posts:
innisglas · 05/02/2014 01:45

I'm surprised so many people think it is ok here, where people are usually quite sensible. I suppose I agree that you won't stop it by letting it get to you and it would not be good for your son to see that it annoyed you, but I do think it is not the sort of comment that should be made. My brother was four years older than me and we were usually around the same height and the relatives were forever making us stand back to back and commenting. Didn't bother me and I never heard that it bothered my brother, but I still think it was wrong. He still grow up to a decent height I may add.

skitter · 05/02/2014 05:43

YANBU. My ds is very short for his age. He's 3.5 and I think that at this age someone commenting that he's a 'a little dot' would be OK (although I'm pretty sure he'd reply, 'I am NOT a little dot. I am a BIG BOY!').

But I think a 9 year old might be bothered by being called 'a little dot' or by their height being commented on in general. They will know they are shorter than their friends. It may or may not be something that bothers them, but they don't really need it pointed out in public especially by random strangers. I was also relatively short as a child and I remember it being commented on by strangers. It made me feel uncomfortable, that they were pointing out my difference so blatantly.

Catsize · 05/02/2014 05:51

As skitter said, the age is important.
My son has just turned two, is the size and physical ability of the average 3yr old, but not verbally/cognitively the same. People comment quite a lot, and I find myself saying 'I know he looks older, but he is only just 2'..
I am 6' tall and stopped growing at 13 (upwards at least!). Mum said I was always expected to act beyond my years, and I can see people have the same expectations of my son.
I saw a baby the other day who I thought was about 8wks old and it was 5mths! I am very wary of commenting on physical appearance of children.

Catsize · 05/02/2014 05:53

For the record, I didn't make any inappropriate comment re:5mth old, but it was a close call!

VeloWoman · 05/02/2014 05:58

YANBU OP my son was dx with short stature at three, he is six now and we still get comments all the time. Being tall is seen as a positive for boys and being short is not so having people comment on how tall your boys are is not the same, it just isn't.

I worry my son will never get married because all women seem to want men who are 6 foot tall. I know mums who worry about their tall girls as well because society says girls should be petite and dainty.

following · 05/02/2014 07:52

people seem to think its cute for a girl to be little , they do seem to make more of a deal if a boy is , i would be pissed off if i was you , can give boys a big complex.

KateSpade · 05/02/2014 08:02

I'm rather tiny, and being 25 it's obvious I'm not going to grow anymore. Throughout adolescence my dad used to say 'your the size your meant to be' & it has meant that I have grown up without any issues about my height whatsoever.

I'd suggest positive messages, but yes it can be annoying when people comment.

mycatlikestwiglets · 05/02/2014 08:13

YANBU. I was always one of the smallest in my class and hated having it pointed out (still have memories of the day the class had to line up in height order for a science "experiment" and the shortest was seen as a subject of ridicule Hmm). Unfortunately your DS probably still has years of people commenting on his height though so you may want to think up some witty retorts for you/him.

clam · 05/02/2014 08:18

I think you were unnecessarily sharp with the woman today, who probably is feeling awful about it now. How was she to know you are so sensitive about it? It's not an unusual observation to make really.

I speak as someone whose ds has always been the smallest by far out of his peers. At his tallest, he was only ever on the 2nd percentile. I got more irritated when people used to say things like, "Oh my ds was small and now he's 9ft" as I was secretly worried he had stopped growing altogether. At 15, he looked about 11. BUT, (and here I am, about to say to you what annoyed me!) he is now 17 and 5'8" (and still growing) and doesn't stand out from the crowd at all. It's never dinted his confidence in the slightest either.

clam · 05/02/2014 08:21

And twiglets makes a good point. Like it or not, he will get comments/teasing about it and we always made a point with ds of warning him not to react with anything other than a shrug or a witty retort. The minute anyone (and I'm talking kids at school here) got wind of the slightest bit of sensitivity about it, they'd be far worse.

MelanieRavenswood · 05/02/2014 08:22

She was thoughtless and am not surprised you are upset. I would have been cross too. The idea of having witty retorts on hand is a good one - ds needs some too as he is also very small for his age and has had people pointing it out Hmm

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/02/2014 08:28

People xonstantly comment on how tall ds is. ...things like " ooooh hes a big boy" " bet daddy is tall" " hes huuuuge!!"

Does not bother me in the slightest. Woulsnt occour to me to gwt upset about it. Even though people have unrealistic expectations when they see him.....they expect him to have full on conversations in shops and be better behaved etc. When they are told he is infact 2.....I get all the above commwnts. Its just making conversation.

If you are sensitive about it you could try being polite about the situation. No need to be rude. I bet the poor woman was so embarrassed.

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/02/2014 08:31

Of course though never good to give a child a complex. As long as you set a healthy example and attotude towards physical apperance at home then there shouldnt be a problem. :)

Preciousbane · 05/02/2014 08:43

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Preciousbane · 05/02/2014 08:45

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noddyholder · 05/02/2014 08:45

My ds was tiny until about 15/16. He was so so cute (biased) but the comments began to get to him. He suddenly grew though and is now taller than all the people who made fun of him.

tiggytape · 05/02/2014 08:46

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Tailtwister · 05/02/2014 09:05

YANBU, it's rude and it's not a complement to call a 9 yo boy a 'little dot'.

whois · 05/02/2014 09:16

I'm kinda with the OP here, you don't say 'ooh wow aren't you a hefty lads' to an overweight woman (it's just a fact, right? Just commenting and making conversation, right?) so I can see how the OP wouldn't like constant comments about her sons height.

harriet247 · 05/02/2014 09:19

Yanbu- im a short arse and I hate people going on about it. Its very rude to comment on someone's appearance if it is not a compliment unless they have invited your opinion!

SaucyJack · 05/02/2014 09:25

YABU. If you really didn't care, then you wouldn't care.

I'm 5ft and proud, and if someone comments on it I take it as a compliment- whether it's meant as one or not.

tunnocksteacake · 05/02/2014 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pigeonhouse · 05/02/2014 09:27

YANBU in the least. And while I appreciate the problems of the opposite issue -people assuming your big toddler is school age and criticising him for toddler-appropriate behaviour - people who are saying 'Oh, it's just a comment' are ignoring the fact that shortness has very negative connotations for boys and men.

See a recent chat thread on here about only going out with a man taller than you, where it was clear that women happily seeing men shorter than them was vanishingly rare, also see an ad currently on TV for a car, which features a woman going on repeated blind dates to discover - shock, horror - that all the nice-looking men are shorter than her. Etc.etc.

The reverse is of course true for girls and women, where bigness and tallness are viewed as unfeminine.

I agree also that it's particularly rude when the child is of an age to understand comments, and feel self-conscious about difference from their peers. Letting a nine year old boy hear you call him a little dot or a girl hear you call her a 'strapping lass' or a lanky beanpole is plain insensitive by any standards. Would you say 'Gosh, look at the size of your arse?' To an adult?

clam · 05/02/2014 09:29

Despite ds being small thanks to dh my family and I are all quite tall. We had an aged great-aunt when I was growing up who always used to chortle, "Oh, you're all such lampposts!" when we arrived to visit. My uncle suggested we call her a bollard. Grin

IamInvisible · 05/02/2014 09:39

People have commented on DS2's height all of his life. (He was 60cm long when he was born at 37 weeks).

He is 6ft 4 now at 17, the same as DH. He went into hospital about 3 weeks ago and everyone commented. The surgeon was trying to mark his shoulder and joked he needed to stand on a box, they joked they needed a longer bed. It doesn't bother him, it never bothered me.