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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my son is not 93 foot tall. so what?!?!!?

77 replies

kennyp · 04/02/2014 21:08

to cut a hugely long story short - people are often commenting on the fact my son is shorter than most (he's 9).

a woman today said to me "he's just a little dot isn't he" and i said please don't talk about his height - it REALLY annoys me. she was a bit shocked but shut up.

there are lots of super tall/super short people out there. i'd honestly never comment on it!! especially with someone's child ffs. am i being unreasonable??? it really gets on my tits when people think it's okay to make comments to me about him, in front of him. it's not a biggy but i don't think it's necessary to comment on. (it's been going on since he was 4 ish i suppose - when it was obvious he wasn't going to be hugely tall).

or do i just buy him stilts for christmas?

OP posts:
Original poster
kennyp · 04/02/2014 21:45

thanks for the replies. i don't konw where i read the story but some man was hugely tall and always got comments about his height.

finally he snapped when the 1000000th person said to him "what's the weather like up there?" ... to which the tall man spat on the shorter man's head and said "it's raining".

my knickers are still twisted about it and will continue to be (pffffffftttt. poor old me ;O) but thank you for the replies anyway. i am LOL at the "haven't you got big tits/small feet" comment!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
TwattyBojangles · 04/02/2014 21:52

I don't think YABU to not like comments about your child's stature. I have a very short 2.4 year old, I get comments like 'oh isn't he doing well' when we're out for a walk, or 'he's out of nappies already?!'
For some reason I can't fathom, I don't like his height (or lack of) being commented on. It feels like an insult to an otherwise very bright and lovely little boy.

CelticPromise · 04/02/2014 21:57

YANBU, it's rude to make such comments. Maybe she said 'a little dwt' which is a Welsh or Wenglish way to describe a small person. Still rude though!

ChippyMinton · 04/02/2014 22:02

YANBU
It's unhelpful to compare it with comments about being tall, as someone pointed out the (unfounded) negative connotations of being slightly below average height. Children are sensitive to differences between them and their peers. Hopefully the OP's son has a positive role model, of someone who hasn't let a few inches come between them and a fabulous life.

isitsnowingyet · 04/02/2014 22:04

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. And indeed - you're knickers no doubt will remain twisted as there are folk who cannot resist passing comment and are unable to shut the up, particularly in front of a child who may already be sensitive about their height/weight/glasses/whatever it is.

HopeClearwater · 04/02/2014 22:06

People say this to me about one of my kids all the time. He is very small for his age. And I laugh and say 'yeah, I don't feed this one'. Other person then laughs and we go on our way. Chill. There are more important things to get worked up about.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 04/02/2014 22:10

I can't see the problem with the comment at all. it sounds like the person who said it was just making conversation and you were really rude to her. it also sounds like YOU have issues with your D's height. My D's from day one has always been slim/skinny and with ridiculous long eyelashes, these are the things people have commented on since he was a little dot Wink now he is 17, taller than me and still skinny with long eyelashes. he still gets these comments, they didn't bother me and they don't bother him. if you make an issue out of his height then you are going to make him have issues with his height.

ps .ignore grammer/spelling I hate this mobile site it is naff

Beanymonster · 04/02/2014 22:17

If he's ever out of ear shot when a comment like that is made id reply with 'really? He's only 4!!'

I think people use it as a conversation starter, it used to really bother me that people would call dd chubby, but actually I just glazed over it and started a conversation, it's hard but bigger things to worry about!!

vichill · 04/02/2014 22:17

I disagree that it's the same as commenting on hair and eye colour. My ex would get shirty when people commented on his son's small height and I got the impression he thought people perhaps judged the parenting, like they didn't feed him enough or fed him crap and had failed to thrive. Like smallness equated to runtyness. You would never say, god that's a small or skinny baby for this reason. Parents like to hear their children are thriving, big and bonny. I think it's rude and mean to say it in front of him.

ShredMeJillianIWantToBeNatalie · 04/02/2014 22:18

Ds1 (11) gets this all the time; he's quite a bit shorter than ds2 (9) due to IUGR/prematurity/who knows what. I do think it's quite rude and/or insensitive to comment on any aspect of someone's appearance unless it's a very obvious compliment, but ds1 is used to it. Luckily what he lacks in height he gains in other respects Smile so he tends to just smile at any comments then give me the special "what an idiot" look after the event!

lifeinthefastlane1 · 04/02/2014 22:18

oh ffs, cant anyone simply make conversation anymore for fear of being rude? op you are the one assuming its a negative when it clearly isnt, what message is that sending him? or do you tell strangers not to comment on anything at all about him or just his height?
seems to me that someone has a height complex and its not your DS Hmm

CelticPromise · 04/02/2014 22:26

It is rude, it's not just conversation. Would you say it to an adult? "Gosh, you're short aren't you?" Of course not! I think it's a pretty fair rule of thumb not to make any comment on someone's appearance that isn't a very obvious compliment.

msmoss · 04/02/2014 22:26

YANBU OP DS1 is 2 and smaller than most of his peers and it irritates the fuck out of me when people comment on his height, as it's almost never positive, particularly as he's a boy. I know the difference because I also have DS2 who's at the other end of the scale and when comments are made about his height it's always phrased as if being a big for his age is a good thing.

Mehrida · 04/02/2014 22:41

Yanbu. It does my head in. I don't mind so much if the also mention cuteness (he's only 20m).

Sil has previously called him the runt of the litter and always comments on how TIIIINY he is. Her kids are huge tho so I think she's projecting her own insecurities about their 99th %ile height.

BikeRunSki · 04/02/2014 22:46

If it is "no biggie" then why start this thread?

I speak as the mother of a very tall 5 child.

squoosh · 04/02/2014 22:47

Because it bothers her obviously.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 04/02/2014 22:51

People do say it to adults too! It's annoying.

I get annoyed by the narrator in in the night garden- the pointypines were so small they were hardly even there- or something!!

Yanbu op.

tmae · 04/02/2014 22:53

I'm 5 foot tall and my husband is 6 foot 5 and we have both been on the receiving end of comments like this our whole lives, I don't mind being short but find it odd that people feel the need to comment on it and my husband hates it as he's always been self-conscious about his height.

I just think pointing out any feature is risky as you never know how that person feels about it and having it continually highlighted will only exacerbate the insecurities that person has about it.

I don't think people mean to cause offence necessarily but even when it isn't hurtful it can get incredibly irritating! For example, I know I'm short, informing me of it isn't news! So I don't think you are being unreasonable x

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 22:57

YANBU.

It's seen as a negative if boys are short. So stop trying to pretend it's just conversation.

EmpressOfTheWellOfLostPlots · 04/02/2014 23:04

Exactly tmae. I'm 4'11 and it's not news to me that I'm short either. If someone had called me a 'little dot' at nine I'd have been spitting nails and not spoken to them for a week.
Nowadays if someone says 'Oh, aren't you short!' I have a range of snarky replies in my head but l'll probably just laugh, comment on the legroom advantage and mark them down as a bit of a prat.

tiggytape · 04/02/2014 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NightCircus · 04/02/2014 23:11

My 3 year old is also mistaken for a 5/6 year old.
He talks well too but socially/emotionally is very much 3. He's often so tired after nursery he wants me to carry him part of the way home! I think his life would be easier if he was shorter.
Think unless you're lucky enough to be mid height it's just one of those things.

HypodeemicNerdle · 05/02/2014 00:08

Does it upset your DS? I'd be tempted to give him a few remarks that he can make back to rude people, probably a bit sarcastic. Or tell him you'll give him 50p every time someone comments and when someone does give them a huge theatrical eye roll and say 'great, thanks, now I owe him another 50p' and give him a grin.

I have a 9yr old DD who wears a hearing aid and has had to deal with comments before, giving her the power to reply helped her.

And I have a little 3yr old, she wears size 2 clothes mostly. She's pretty forthright at the moment anyway!

KissesBreakingWave · 05/02/2014 00:15

I think it depends on the intent of the comments, no? I call DS2 Kaiju on account of him being mahoosive - head taller than me, and I'm a big lad to start with, and he works out. A lot.

This morning it started a chat about Pacific Rim and the fine, fine genre of Kaiju movies all the way back to Godzilla. While DD eyerolled.

BiscuitMillionaire · 05/02/2014 00:20

YANBU, I think it's rude. Maybe you should reply with a comment on their appearance, like 'well at least he's not ugly like you'.