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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 20:19

a men's changing room could be an intimidating place for a small girl.

No more intimidating than a women's changing room.

Small girls haven't yet imbibed the message that men's changing rooms are dangerous places full of nefarious paedophiles that even their own father's presence won't deter.

The wants of one small girl don't trump the needs of female humans of all ages to have spaces they feel safe and where they can be naked without men being present.

prettypleasewithsugarontop · 05/02/2014 20:21

Our pool only has unisex changing rooms now

bodygoingsouth · 05/02/2014 20:22

liara are you saying that you would find it acceptable to have an adult male in a changing room where you and your teenage dds were changing?

are you really this daft or are you a naturist/exhibitionist.

and as got the green towel thing? no if I had the towel first and a kid 'wanted' it then I would assume said child was a brat and say no.

my kids did as they were told by me and dh by the age of 4 and certainly wouldn't dream of tantrumming.

any child of ours bratting like that would bloody miss the swim.

BookFairy · 05/02/2014 20:22

Some people are down with public nudity. That's fine. There are those of us who aren't down with public nudity. That's also fine. The fact of the matter is, if you go to a gym/leisure centre that has separate male/female changing you must abide by the rules.

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:23

Liara

Another ridiculous statement.

K8Middleton · 05/02/2014 20:24

I'm not sure it is possible to have a sensible discussion with someone who equates a woman's right to privacy with a toddler's preference for a towel.

Liara if you had perhaps chosen a better analogy with something of equal or similar importance/value it might have made more sense. Let's say a passing toddler takes a fancy to your handbag with valuable things like your car and house keys, irreplaceable photos of your children, your diary, your iphone and your Chanel lipstick. You'd just give it to her even though she has no right to it and you'd think it ok if her dad said she could have it to avoid a meltdown? Seriously? I do not believe you would.

Women = more important than towels. Hth.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 05/02/2014 20:25

The swimming pool I used to use in the UK had about 7 cubicles in the single-sex changing rooms. In the women's anyway - not sure about the men's obviously.

The swimming pools in Germany almost all have communal changing rooms, but the difference is that it's ALL cubicles - at the one we regularly use there are probably about 80 cubicles and they are big enough to take a small child or two in with you. I expect there are bigger ones with disabled facilities, but I haven't looked for them.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 05/02/2014 20:26

Why is a men's changing room intimidating but a woman's one not? Is a woman's changing room intimidating for a small boy?

I just find this really bizarre. I've literally never come across the notion before that small children shouldn't be in a men's changing room (with their fathers)

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:27

Ah but K8

people's desire not to been seen naked is of no value to Liara because she thinks it's down to British prudishness and could have no other basis or meaning to someone who is not her.

K8Middleton · 05/02/2014 20:29

She is clearly on a wind up. So I will just ignore her :)

Daykin · 05/02/2014 20:34

Going along with the women=towels argument, what happens when 4yo's dad goes into the room where he isn't allowed to be and is welcomed by all the naked ladies who know their place and a different 4yo child refuses to change in front of the original 4yo's dad. What happens then? Do we assume that the second 4yo is an unreasonable prude who has no right to have any opinion on who they strip off in front of whereas original 4yo is....making a perfectly valid choice Confused

Daykin · 05/02/2014 20:35

Can't believe I am still posting on this thread. I'm going to get DP to hide the wifi password.

Liara · 05/02/2014 20:38

liara are you saying that you would find it acceptable to have an adult male in a changing room where you and your teenage dds were changing?

Yes, which is fortunate as I would have no choice in my public swimming pool in France where I live (though I don't have teenage daughters, so it's just my uninteresting body around to be ignored seen)

I just don't get why women think being seen naked is such a big fucking deal, I guess.

Fortunately, nor does just about anyone where I live.

Liara · 05/02/2014 20:39

And no, I am not on the wind up. Just baffled by the attitudes on this thread.

BookFairy · 05/02/2014 20:41

You're the one who's baffled? Confused

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2014 20:41

So is it therefore ok for my 12 year old daughter to be made to undress in front of a man who happens to be in the female changing rooms

She would be mortified, (I would be furious)

But I suppose I should just tell her to crack on.... Or that's what some people seem to be saying

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/02/2014 20:43

Really interesting thread (in spite of the mudslinging, but hey ho).

I personally like the Scandi-continental attitude where nudity and sexuality are not linked, people of different ages and genders quite happily change / swim / sauna / steam / etc together in various states of undress.

I grew up in a pretty clothes-free house though Grin and I hope I would not foist my own views on people who grew up differently. This whole fear of nudity is a pretty Anglo-Saxon thing on the whole though I think. Apart from Muslim people. And not sure about nudity in Asia. Hmm interesting, as I said.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2014 20:43

Just checked with her, she's looking a bit gob smacked to be honest

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:44

Liara

Then the problem is your inability to see the point, and your misfortune is being unable to imagine anything outside your personal experience

CrohnicallyFarting · 05/02/2014 20:45

OK, Liara forget about the nakedness etc for the moment.

It's the rule at this swimming baths that people over the age of 8 are not allowed in the opposite sex changing room. The dad knowingly broke the rule to avoid his DD having a tantrum. Obviously he WBU, otherwise it would be acceptable to break rules on the whim of a 4 year old, which means nobody would bother to follow the rules ever, and without rules society as we know it would not exist.

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:46

OK

I'm off now.

Liara. Apologies for the tone of my last post

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2014 20:49

I find it amazing that anyone thinks it is reasonable for a man to use the women's changing room.

I find it amazing that anyone finds it inappropriate for a man to take his small daughter into the mens to get changed.

I must be really naive Blush.

Liara · 05/02/2014 20:50

heartstrumpsdiamonds, don't know about most of Asia, but in Japan there is generally a fairly relaxed attitude to naked bathing with people of different sexes/ages (to the shock of many of my Anglo Saxon friends there).

Chronically, I guess I think there are important rules and rather silly rules. If we followed every single rule then we wouldn't do much in life (certainly not in France, where everything seems to be 'interdit'). I took this to be a debate about whether the rule was important or silly. I vote for the latter, but I gather I am on my own. Not an uncommon feeling, round here.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 05/02/2014 20:51

I've been in a sauna with my (German) friend, her DH, her sister, the sister's boyfriend, another couple and her brother. Naked as the day we were born.

Took a minute of getting used to, even for me Grin

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 20:51

Bertie if that was aimed at me. I've explained countless times already why it might not be. Daykin understood.