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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 05/02/2014 16:32

Most men in this situation would say to their female partners: 'Sorry, I can't take DD swimming because she insists on going into the women's changing room and I will look like a pervert. I might even get into trouble.'

Most women would say: 'I see what you mean, dear. Why don't I take her swimming and you do some other wholesome bit of exercise with her like kicking a ball around in the park?'

This man likes looking at naked women (normal for straight men) but likes intimidating them more (not fucking normal at all).

bodygoingsouth · 05/02/2014 16:36

I imagine it's his excuse to go into the women's changing room. he needs to be stopped as he could pose a risk. no normal man would do this.

he's lying. report report. they will be able to pick him out in CCTV.

I would have concerns for his dd too.
.

AngelaDaviesHair · 05/02/2014 16:42

I find it bizarre this is even being debated. Of course he was wrong to use the women's changing room.

And if a woman tried to sue the men's changing room on the same basis, I don't think they'd be all 'cool' about it. I think she'd get told.

bodygoingsouth · 05/02/2014 16:43

to add if I saw a bloke in the female changing rooms where I go with my teen dds he would be lucky not to get a slap in the face. o would assume he was a pervert. I would most certainly challenge him and insisted he leave.

to add I dislike intensity little boys running around the female changing room, toddlers fine but I have complained about kids who are yes 7 but staring at the women. it's not on.

I never took my dds into the female after 5 years old we used the family room and yes you sometimes have to wait. tough.

bodygoingsouth · 05/02/2014 16:46

sorry never too dss into the female past 5 either.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 17:07

No body is acting like they own the place though are they? Well apart from the Man in OP. Right?

Daykin · 05/02/2014 17:10

Misspixietrix I see. Girls want to get changed in the girls - fair enough, until the girls is no longer the girls as it has men in. I saw a little girl almost hysterical at the thought of changing in front of my ds and some other boys. She was 4 at the oldest, as were the boys (pre-school swimming class during school hours). Little girls can get upset by things like that but making the female open plan changing into unisex does nothing to help the situation.

K8Middleton If you hadn't married William I would be down on one knee in front of you, blushing and stammering about 'forever'.

It makes absolutely no sense on any level to say small girls shouldn't have to change in the mens because men can see them and then say in the same breath that men should go into the womens with their ddd meaning all the girls and woman need to change in front of men.

WanderingAway · 05/02/2014 17:15

At our local pool there is only one set of showers and changing area.

So you come out of the pool, have a shower and then go into a cubicle and get changed. It works quite well. I thought all swimming pools were like this. Having male and female areas is silly in my opinion.

bodygoingsouth · 05/02/2014 17:18

I actually can't believe that anyone thinks this is appropriate at all.

absolutely fucking unbelievable. he's a pervert using his dd as an excuse. no one could possibly be that stupid,crass and naive.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 17:20

Glad you understand Daykin. I've repeatedly stated throughout this thread that he was BU and was just replying to one poster why taking them in MCR may not work with all. Obviously a minority but you get what I'm saying. So was a bit Confused at the whole thing!

2rebecca · 05/02/2014 18:01

If a girl is getting hysterical at being in a changing room with boys in then why not just wait until a cubicle is free? I've never been to a swimming pool that had single sex changing areas that didn't have cubicles as well as an open changing area. You wait a couple of minutes and then use a cubicle, or just put your costume on under your clothes and then you only have to wait for a cubicle to get changed back.
Unisex changing rooms are always cubicle only so yes, making female changing areas unisex does solve the problem. You do need more space for unisex cubicle only changing rooms though so old swimming pools are probably stuck with what they have.
If my son had made a fuss about changing in the women's changing room and his dad was unable to take him then he wouldn't have got to go swimming at that time and we'd have done something else.

Daykin · 05/02/2014 18:59

I've never been to a swimming pool that had single sex changing areas that didn't have cubicles as well as an open changing area.

This one doesn't. Its a rectangular room with lockers running down one wall and a bench in the middle with a metal rail above it for hanging your coat. It has a very '50's feel. There is a communal shower at one end and two cubicles - with toilets in them.

Unisex changing rooms are always cubicle only so yes, making female changing areas unisex does solve the problem.

It would solve the problem if the management re-assigned the changing room and built cubicles. What I meant by 'unisex' is men simply using the room as if they owned it as is, and it therefore becoming unisex by default. I didn't put it very well.

Liara · 05/02/2014 19:49

*I frankly find it more acceptable than changing a little girl in the men's changing rooms.

Um why? because little girls don't want to get undressed in front of strange men? Yes, that's why it was inappropriate for him to go in the women's changing room!*

Sorry, been a while.

No, because a men's changing room could be an intimidating place for a small girl.

I don't see why it follows that it was inappropriate for him to go to the women's changing rooms, if by your own logic little girls are equally likely to be in the men's.

This isn't about what little girls like at all, it's about the grown women objecting. And that's what I find silly, the notion that adult women's wants on this trivial matter trump that of a small girl's.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 05/02/2014 19:56

But the wants of a room full of adult women to be able to change without a grown man in the room DO trump the wants of a four year old girl.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 05/02/2014 19:56

And it's not a trivial matter.

K8Middleton · 05/02/2014 20:02

Oh give over Liara you're just being contrary. I don't believe you really think that. It's not even rational.

You're just having us on aren't you?!

2rebecca · 05/02/2014 20:02

Why should a small girl's wants trump that of adult women, especially when the law is on the side of the women?
If the small girl doesn't want to get changed with her father in a cubicle in the men's changing room and she isn't old enough to get changed alone then she doesn't get to go swimming. I wouldn't expect my son's wishes to over rule the wishes of adult men if he wanted me to go to the men's changing room with him because the female changing room was "for girls" and he had a little tantrum.
Are we just so used to princessy hissy fits from modern little girls that everyone else should play second fiddle to them and some of you believe all men are paedophiles and men's changing rooms are scary places?

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:03

K8

There's a lot of that about tonight

Liara · 05/02/2014 20:06

Why is that not rational?

If there were a pile of towels, and I was on the verge of getting a green one but a child came and said they really wanted the green one I would give it to them and take one of another colour.

Because I'm the grown up, and frankly, I'm just not that infantile.

This situation strikes me as the same.

Grennie · 05/02/2014 20:06

Wanderingaway - Does nobody in your pool have a shower without their swimming costume on then?

BookFairy · 05/02/2014 20:13

How strange. No man that I know would think it was acceptable to go into the female changing area. I can't decide if he is an idiot, a pervert, or a bit of both. Either way, he is clearly BU.

fragola · 05/02/2014 20:13

Liara, am I right in saying that you think that a woman not wanting an unknown man to see her naked is infantile? I would say the opposite. Generally infants don't mind who sees them naked...

NewtRipley · 05/02/2014 20:13

Liara

It is not remotely the same

Liara · 05/02/2014 20:16

I am saying that a woman objecting to a man maybe catching a glimpse of her naked while changing his daughter really needs to revise her views on how interesting she would be to said man.

And that the tiny discomfort she might feel is frankly something she should be able to get over. And not being able to do so is infantile.

It is threads like this that remind me why I can't go back to living in the UK. Prudishness gorne mad!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 05/02/2014 20:18

Yes, but the choice it's between her not having the towel and crying, and you giving her the towel and also stripping naked in front of her dad. Just so she gets what she wants? No thanks.

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