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AIBU?

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Original poster

About DH's attitude towards the meal I cooked?

268 replies

FlatsInDagenham · 03/02/2014 19:43

I used the leftover beef and made beef noodle soup. It was delicious - full of ginger, garlic, chilli, soy, stock, vegetables, coriander, masses of noodles and lots and lots of lovely leftover roast beef. A massive panful, enough to feed at least 6, just for me and DH (DC don't eat chillies) with plenty left to freeze for another day.

DH complained that he didn't want 'soup' for his evening meal. I pointed out that exactly the same components on a plate with less water would have been a stir fry. He said that you get less in a bowl. I offered to get him another bowl. He said (with disgust) that he didn't want two bowls of soup for his tea.

I spent ages making that soup and it was bloody delicious, and healthy too.

Just had to have a moan about it here.

Angry

And ask you: Am I being unreasonable to serve up soup for an evening meal?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 04/02/2014 21:24

Late To the party, I know, but I have a standard answer for when my DH forgets himself and complains about what I cook.

Don't eat it then.

That's all, no suggestions To change/improve/bulk out. No alternativa either. He's not a Toddler so doesn't get To behave like one.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 04/02/2014 22:03

Who are these childish people who get so upset because their dinner isn't exactly what they wanted?

Surely it is more child like to have to eat something you dont like because mummy your wife says so and will sulk if you dont eat it.

Soup is only a satisfactory meal if you like it. It brings me close to vomiting (it's a taste/texture thing).

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 04/02/2014 22:21

Worry, we get you don't like soup. Fair does. There is nothing to say ops dh hates soup. If he had behaved in the same way about sandwiches, which is your suggestion, would that have been reasonable? Sandwiches are also a 'lunch'food.

curlew · 04/02/2014 22:31

StanlessSteelBegonia- on an unrelated point, it is sooo depressing for us native English speakers when you furriners handle the language like that. Please stop- it makes us feel insecure. And the British do not handle insecurity well.......

cerealqueen · 04/02/2014 23:11

A tin of tomato soup and he is NBU, but what you describe, he is being very unreasonable.
Ungrateful and rude. Did he ask how much washing up there was before even sitting down to eat too? This is what my DP says nearly every single day, I cook from scratch too and I am tempted to start doing oven food.

AdoraBell · 04/02/2014 23:17

Worry there is a huge difference between not liking something and refusing something that you do like because of when the meal it is presented. I'm not saying serving up a stir fry, or soup for breakfast would mean OP's husband is obliged to eat it, but that wasn't what happened.

There have been times when I have cooked something new that DH didn't like, I remember not do that dish again for him. That's different again to pandering to attitudes like expecting X to be served and getting stroppy because someone cooks Y.

That is toddler behaviour.

On the few occasions that my DH has played the stroppy card as opposed to politely saying that he does't like what he's eating I have responded as I said previously.

VestaCurry · 05/02/2014 01:15

This thread had entered the Twilight Zone

JingJangro · 05/02/2014 06:06

In french, the word for supper is "souper" to eat soup.

If soup is good enough for our gallic friends...

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 05/02/2014 10:42

inspired by this thread, we are all having beef noodle soup tonight!

bobbywash · 05/02/2014 11:47

If he didn't want it, and wasn't happy with it, he has a right to say so. The same way that the OP has a right to say don't be unreasonable and cook for yourself then.

So are you being unreasonable for presenting it - no of course not. Is he being unreasonable for not being happy with it - no. Are you being unreasonable for coming on here moaning about his reaction because you liked it and though you'd done a great job - yes

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 05/02/2014 12:07

how exactly do you think that makes the OP feel? hmm

um validated? UNlike the way her husband made her feel? Dh who had the loooong day at work had come home to food. Someone one still looking after him the OP was still working and then had an ungreatful slob being rude to her. I cook for dh he is more than happy to eat what he is fed. Wet or not Hmm

FuckingWankwings · 05/02/2014 15:48

'It's not about gender it's about cooking.'

Indeed. And regardless of what kind of genitals someone has, if someone else has cooked for them they should bloody well eat it.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 05/02/2014 17:46

Indeed. And regardless of what kind of genitals someone has, if someone else has cooked for them they should bloody well eat it.

I dont agree, one of the nice things about being a grown up is not having to eat food I dont like.

Surely this whole thing of eating food, clearing the plate and looking happy about it (even if you really didnt like it) flies completely in the face of diet advice.

As a guest then yes I would agree that you pretend even if you dont like it. However in your own home I dont think people should have to eat things they dont like simply because otherwise the cook sulks: emotional blackmail or what!

Choccywoccydodah · 05/02/2014 17:51

I take it he's never been to wagamamas?
Sounds delish to me!!

FuckingWankwings · 05/02/2014 18:09

He didn't say he didn't like it, he said it wasn't enough food for a main meal.

Which is bobbins. It was essentially the same amount as a plateful of noodles in sauce, or a stirfry; it just happened to be in the form of a bowl and have liquid in it as well. He was being a twat.

cory · 05/02/2014 18:20

Does nobody do physical work in Thailand and Vietnam and all these other places where they eat a lot of soup? Or rural Scandinavia in the 19th century- peasoup and meat soup being traditional suppers. Or rural Greece, past and present?

I think StainlessSteel is spot on and this soup-is-not-a-proper-meal is an urban middle class thing. Possibly also an upper class thing (Mr Carson removes the soup terrine to make room for the roast). Men who work the land have always been able to eat enough soup to feel full up.

And everybody who piles in talking about the taste of soup seems to be missing the point rather: the OP's dh did not complain about the flavour but about it not being right for an evening meal.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 05/02/2014 19:17

didnt like/didnt feel it was enough - it doesnt matter. It wasnt what he wanted at the time and as an adult he is allowed not to want to eat something.

ZenNudist · 05/02/2014 20:16

Tell him it's not soup it's ramen. Sounds lovely, pls come round & cook for us!

We had soup for tea tonight and often do. It's easy quick & filling.

If he's not cooking he should quit moaning.

shewhowines · 05/02/2014 20:23

I wouldn't view soup as a proper evening meal either. He inbu to tell you so. He ibu to tell you rudely.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/02/2014 20:28

He coulda just gabbed something else. He wasn't restricted to just soup he owns half the house that includes the fridge right?!

Joysmum · 05/02/2014 20:29

I don't like ramen for dinner, DH doesn't like pasta or pizza. All perfectly acceptable to many on here.

People are entitled to like what they are paying towards. If he hadn't said he wasn't keen chances he'd get lumbered with it again and again so best to mention it, politely.

Nobody wants to waste time and money cooking a meal that nobody else except they appreciates surely? My pleasure from cooking comes from seeing others enjoying it. That's why I don't just do a perfectly acceptable plain meat and 3 veg. I try to be more creative.

FuckingWankwings · 06/02/2014 09:53

It does matter, Worry Hmm; it's the crux of his complaint.

I think as adults we all need to be capable of sucking up things we don't particularly like or want sometimes, and we certainly need to be gracious enough to eat things that someone else has cooked and has waiting for us when we get home. If it really wasn't enough food for him, he could've just had a snack later or added something else to it. Fuck, I'd expect a child to be able to do all that, let alone a grown man.

Hullygully · 06/02/2014 09:58

I trust you poured it over his stupid head?

WorrySighWorrySigh · 06/02/2014 12:41

But wings, why does he have to eat something just because his wife will sulk otherwise?

The OP didnt say what the discussion beforehand about the evening meal was. IMO that is the crux of the matter. If the OP had said they were having leftovers for dinner where that would normally mean a stir fry or cold meat and salad or something and OP decided to make soup then she is really taking the risk that her DH will not be happy about that.

My DH does pretty much all the cooking in this house. Whatever he plans to cook we always discuss first even if it is just a weekday staple. If DH were to cook something out of left field then we would discuss beforehand and DH would probably have a backup option if one or other of us didnt like it.

But then he is nice that way and doesnt sulk if I dont like something.

FuckingWankwings · 06/02/2014 13:47

A 'soup' of the kind the OP talks about is just like a stir-fry in terms of bulk/starch/fillingness and amount. It just has stock added. THERE IS NO MATERIAL DIFFERENCE IN THE QUANTITY OF CALORIES/BULK HE WOULD HAVE CONSUMED, WHICH SEEMED TO BE HIS ARGUMENT.

Yes, I'm shouting. I can't think of another way to say it that I and lots of others here haven't said already.

My partner and I share the cooking. Sometimes we discuss what we'll make, sometimes one of us just staggers home from work, sees that the other has cooked or started to, and is pleased to be cooked for and eats it and says thank you. We are 'nice that way'.

And the OP probably didn't 'sulk'.

And what Hully said.