Is my dad or my dh? And am I for even asking?

[inabitofadilemma]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma.

Me and DH have been together for 14 years, two kids and one on the the way. We jointly own our house. Originally, we both put in savings of about 30,000 pounds as a down payment. We did well from selling and buying at the right time and renovating a run down house and took advantage of low interest rates and paid down the mortgage. My Dad gave us 40,000 pounds a few years ago to help with mortgage and renovations. Currently our house is worth about 400,000 and we have equity of 200,000.

My Dad is now wrapping up and selling his business so he can retire properly. He's done very very well out of the super high prime London prices because his business had some real estate there. As a result, he's offered to help us pay off the mortgage and upgrade our house because it'll be tight with the third child. Altogether he's offered to give us 350,000 pounds. This is, of course, a huge amount of money and will allow us to buy a bigger house mortgage free. I'm fully aware that this is very generous and we're incredibly lucky to be in this position.

However, he's stipulated a condition. Only my name on the house. He's willing to sign an agreement that DH can have 'his' share plus whatever it's appreciated in the event that we divorce (and if I die that it's in the name of the children as a trust) BUT the house MUST be in my name.

My Dad says that this is to protect me. He does actually really like DH, it's not like they've ever had any issues. They get on really well. But he says that things can change. His biggest fear is that we divorce (or I die), DH gets remarried and half of the money he gave to me ends up with another woman and her children.

DH is incredibly insulted by this especially because he always got on with my Dad. He says he will feel uncomfortable living in a home that's not his and he's very upset. We've never thought on these terms, always had a joint account and apart from the money my Dad gave us a few years ago, it's always been kind of even. DH works less than me and earns less but he's with the kids more so neither of us think of our money other than as joint money. We had a joint account before we even got married.

DH is kind of angry with me for not fighting his corner more. But I feel bad fighting with my Dad when he's about to help us out so much, I feel ungrateful doing so like some kind of spoilt brat. I totally get where DH is coming from but I also understand my Dad's reasoning. It's just how he is (he's lived with his partner for 20 years and in his will, he's very very clear about what she's entitled to and what she's not - and it's not much - in fact, I had to tell him to change it to leave her more!). My Dad is also helping my brother out in a similar way with a similar condition but they don't seem bothered by it.

So who is being unreasonable here? My Dad who is insisting that only my name is on the house? Or DH who feels hurt and insulted and thinks i should be fighting his corner more?

We could, of course, turn down my Dad's offer. We're also happy as we are, can make mortgage repayments and pay our bills just fine and carry on in our house, we'd just be a bit cramped. So it's not like we NEED this to just survive. But then i think that might be unfair to the DC because this is really THEIR money at the end of the day. And it's very hard to turn down the tempatation of a bigger house and being mortgage free.

OP that sounds like a great way to deal with it. I am pleased you got it sorted out

I kind of see where your Dad is coming from. You could die next year (unlikely but possible). You Dh would likely re-marry and have other children then. What's to stop your father's money going to others than your dc then?
Or even if you divorced, why should your dh then be able to take half your father's money? (maybe he wouldn't anyway but not all people are honourable, especially in divorce situations.)
I don't really see the problem. If your DH would get half of what he put in in the event of a divorce why is he worried. Your dads money will make life easier for you BOTH.
I would personally take it on his conditions. They don't seem too unreasonable to me. He is only thinking of you. It's his money and you're his daughter.

I think if I was in your DH's shoes i would be a little upset but on thinking of the reasons your dad has given, I would understand.
i dont think he is being unreasonable your DH would still get a share in the unlikely event of your divorce!
I can only see it in a way that he's protecting his gift to you from people who arent his family!
Sounds fair to me, i think thats the way my DP would view it too.

I understand why your DH is upset but agree with your dad

I would feel entirely comfortable with your fathers decision and offer. You need to take the emotion out of it ( he's a businessman after all !) and he is providing a gift for the future generation of his family which he is seeking to protect.
It's a huge amount of money and if I was in his position no matter how highly I thought of your husband the safest bet that his wealth will be protected and ensure your financial wellbeing is to gift it directly to you.
I'm in Australia where people in probably the same age bracket as your father have done well in realestate and are now in a position to disperse some of their wealth without tax implications to their children. The senario you describe is not unusual that the parent gifts it directly to their child.
I think perhaps if different language had been used by your father i.e. I'd like to set up a property trust in your name dilemma darling you might not be in this awkward position. Hope this helps!

Ha - didn't realise there were 11 pages .....just responded to pg 1 - whoops ....now to read the end of the story!