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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DM and DD1's prom dress

132 replies

Ladyfarquhar · 02/02/2014 12:11

I really don't know if I am bu, but I'm feeling a bit sad.

DD1 is having her end of school prom this summer, she is beginning to get a bit stressed as all her friends have gone shopping and seem to be all sorted. So, Friday evening it was arranged to go shopping but when it came to it she wanted to go with friends for food so I agreed to go another time. We have had a look on line and talked about what she was looking for and I was really looking forward to going with her to choose, and talked about making a day of it.

Last night she stayed at my DM, I don't have the best relationship with her but DD1 is her first grandchild and she does go on occasion and stay the night.

I texted this morning to ask if she wanted to go shopping for the dress today, but got no answer, I tried ringing but no answer, so just got on with house stuff.

I have just got a text from her saying she is in town with DM and she has her prom dress. I am gutted. I know the main thing was she has her dress but AIBU to think my DM would of asked me if it was something I would like to do before going? I know they wouldn't of gone to town and just happended to see a dress, it would of been pre planned as trips into town isn't something they have ever done before.

OP posts:

Mineisthefinalword · 02/02/2014 13:19

Yes I understood all of that Gold and I have addressed it more than once...

Otiosely as it turns out. Seems DGM was a good egg after all! Sighs unbearably smugly!

Goldmandra · 02/02/2014 13:19

Having worked with 18 year olds I'm very aware of how vulnerable they still can be at that age. Someone doesn't flick a switch on you 18th and suddenly give you massive dose of experience and self confidence.

Many posters don't see that which is fine if it doesn't apply to your own children.

Leaving the thread so it doesn't turn into a bunfight.

bigTillyMint · 02/02/2014 13:19

I would have felt a bit gutted too - going to choose a prom dress is a special thing. Fine if she had chosen to go with friends or her grandmother, but it would have been better for you to know this before they went. And pretty insensitive of your DM to not talk and chack with you first as she us a mum and would know it's a special thing.

Can't believe they are getting prom dresses for the summer now though

bigTillyMint · 02/02/2014 13:21

Awww have just read the update - so pleased for you all

Nanny0gg · 02/02/2014 13:22

Glad it's turned out ok for you, but actually, I still don't thing YWBU!

Mineisthefinalword · 02/02/2014 13:22

Leaving the thread so it doesn't turn into a bunfight.

By which you acknowledge it was you who was leading it in that direction! (Hugs, kisses, just having a bit of fun, drunk on a happy ending!)

Fairenuff · 02/02/2014 13:29

Someone doesn't flick a switch on you 18th and suddenly give you massive dose of experience and self confidence.

Which is why they need to be allowed to make their own decisions and experience the consequences.

Experience comes from being allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.

Confidence comes from being trusted to make your own decisions, good or bad, learn from them and make better choices next time.

Being absolved of responsibility when you are an adult is not good for self esteem. Even the law recognises the aged of criminal responsibility to be ten.

Original poster

Ladyfarquhar · 02/02/2014 13:41

I am aware dd is an adult she is very independent and we have a very healthy mother daughter relationship. This was always about my reaction to how I assumed my DM had acted. Dd did the right thing and I should of never doubted her. However, it has brought to the front the awful distrust I have of my own DM. Thank you for all your replies

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 13:41

You know it's a times like this that I really am happy to have 3 boys

The worst I have to worry about is that DS2 would like to arrive at his prom in a milk float

I'd punch the air if his Nan sorted that out for him

polythenespam · 02/02/2014 13:49

A dress for a DISCO? Get a grip

Original poster

Ladyfarquhar · 02/02/2014 13:56

Grip gotten poly thanks

OP posts:

ladymariner · 02/02/2014 14:11

worra dont want to worry you but my ds invited a girl to be his prom partner. Fine, all good.

THEN her bloody mother phoned to ask if she could pop round, again no problem although I didn't know her from Adam. She breezes in, proceeds to show me her daughters accessories and shoes and then gave me a swatch of fabric so I could match ds' cravat to it!!!!!! She then made ds and her daughter stand next to each other so she could 'get an idea of how they will look on the photos'!!!!!!! .

Her piece de resistance however, was asking me to make sure my ds scrubbed up ok......even my dh, who until that point had been pissing himself laughing quietly in the corner, covered his eyes....how the fuck I didn't sling her bossy arse onto the drive I will never know. Probably the fact that my golden boy ds was looking at me aghast, silently begging me not to do something which I may well have regretted but which would have been so satisfying, saved her. Instead I smiled sweetly, said something about her needing to do the same with her dd (cue lots of tinkly false laughter on both sides) and then saying how nice it had been to see her and seeing her out sharpish!!!!

After they had left (her poor dd looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up) we all just looked at one another and fell about laughing! Talk about Promzilla.....

Anyway worra just saying...... x

mrsjay · 02/02/2014 14:13

tbh it isnt really a disco there is usually a sit down meal and a band hand your grip back lady

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:14

lady!!

No, believe me. She never would have got over my doorstep!

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:16

Actually I think the reason so many parents (particularly mothers) make such a fuss about school leaver's dos proms, is because not as many people get married any more.

So in effect I suppose it's becoming the 'new wedding day'.

mrsjay · 02/02/2014 14:16

oh good god LADYM
i was a bit miffed my dd took her boyfriend to prom he had his the year before and i got a bit humphy at him being in the photies I am aware i am a loon please dont point it out

mrsjay · 02/02/2014 14:17

So in effect I suppose it's becoming the 'new wedding day'.

oh dd said she is never getting married so least i have the wedding picture eh

ladymariner · 02/02/2014 14:17

She never will again, I had no idea what she wanted so I was foolish enough to let her in!! Honestly, it was bizarre.....

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:17

Points at mrsjay and sniggers

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:18

Just pray to god he never marries her lady

ladymariner · 02/02/2014 14:19

Nudges worra and smiles at mrsjay condescendingly before asking if she has a swatch of fabric in her handbag.....

ladymariner · 02/02/2014 14:21

You know what, dh said that and it seriously brought me out in a cold sweat!!! Can you imagine the wedding.....good grief, there'd be doves and owls and probably a bloody goat kicking about somewhere

Fortunately they don't see each other anymore.....Praise the lord

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:22

I bet she has 3 kinds of wedding cake in there too

Runs >>>>

ladymariner · 02/02/2014 14:22

And a money poem. Definitely a money poem. And a well......

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2014 14:23

Fortunately they don't see each other anymore.....Praise the lord

Is this a bad moment to point out that I'm 44 and have been married for 13 years to a guy I used to date when I was 16?

Probably...

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