Yes, I know I am... People who tutor their DCs within an inch of their lives and then boast about their achievements

[lilolilmanchester]

Sorry, it does my head in

I think DD1 would actually enjoy being tutored with her best friend in a small group, once a week. She is very academic anyway, and I wouldn't consider her for a grammar school if I thought she was going to struggle to get on there. We are going to look at a lot of schools next year including non-grammars and it will be about where she feels comfortable, as much as anything. Passing the grammar test just gives you more choice. The tutoring will just be to make sure she is comfortable with the types of questions that come up, and I think it will help her be more confident/relaxed with maths. I'm not overly fond of the system but we're going to do our best for her within that system.

Our problems with DS really began when he reached secondary, it was then that he became aggressive and able to do harm . He was also a target for other children and was bullied badly in and out of school which served only to make him aggressive in retaliation .

We have done a lot with him to help him respond to situations differently and I hope that he will cope in the future, maybe even meet someone special and have a family. That is my main goal for him rather than GCSE grades. Like your daughter he loves to do school work but has to do it on his own , he would see a tutor as am interference.

We have discovered that likes animals, possibly more than people ! One of the reasons we bought the house with a small farm attached.

Actually - I think an external tutor would be a disaster. We are very much an in-house effort - because we know how far we can push her and in what direction. A lot of it is about deconstructing some of the smoke screens she's built up around things that for whatever reason she hadn't got - and that she's managed to get through without her teachers cottoning on that she's not learnt the proper method. Like I said - she's a selective mute - which isn't on purpose - but is sometimes an escape hatch at school!

For example - it turned out that between moving schools she'd never done long division - but she hid it by making credible guesses at the answer - and refusing to show workings! It's not that hard - but she does need to be pulled up & walked through the method a few times.

& sorry to hear about your DS.

It is so stressful when you can see them struggle .

I found school stressful - and I have every sympathy for DC who struggle. I dont think it is an environment that reflects life tbh.

Wish I'd never started this thread. It was never about grammar school entry , or encouraging children to work hard, or about parents being proud if their child's achievement. It wasn't even about tutoring per se. It was about a child who does work really hard, but being pushed in every aspect of her life, made to feel like she's failed if not the best at everything, not allowed to do fun things, and parents who publicise every single achievement as if the child has done it all on their own. I hear from the child how stressful she finds it all and it makes me sad. With hindsight should have kept my thoughts to myself.

Nah, don't stress lilo. These threads have a life of their own. Grammar school and tutoring threads always create debate.

To be honest, the way you worded it did make me think that you were criticising in general but I see what you mean now and given that, no YANBU.